


What if ...

by NicoleN92



Category: 100 - Fandom, Heda - Fandom, The 100, The 100 Series - Kass Morgan, Wanheda - Fandom, clarke - Fandom, clexa - Fandom, lexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 49,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25631734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoleN92/pseuds/NicoleN92
Summary: What if Lexa didn't die in 3x07. What if Clarke saved her just in time. What if this was just the start of their story, not the end.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake & Lincoln, Octavia Blake/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Octavia Blake/Raven Reyes
Comments: 44
Kudos: 165





	1. Chapter 1: Just the beginning, not the end

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't happy with the ending of their story, so I decided to start writing again and give them a well deserved ending. I'm not a native English speaker, so feel free to help me. I'm also looking for some co-writers. Feel free to contact me.

Clarke was on her way back to her room. She was smiling although she had to leave now. 

She and Lexa were finally back at the point where they could trust each other, and nothing stands between them, except her people. 

She needed to return to them. Pike needed to be stopped. He caused too many problems since he has been in charge. But as soon as it is done, she promised Lexa that she would return to her. 

Clarke was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't recognize that the doors to her room were slightly open, but as soon as she entered her room, she felt something wasn't right. 

She looked around and saw Murphy chained to a chair in front of her bed. 

"Murphy?" 

He didn't respond, and she ran right to him. No matter what has happened, he was still one of her people and somehow her friend. She started unchaining him as she heard a well-known voice. 

"He's alive! ". 

She turned to the voice and saw Titus walking towards her from her room's other side. 

"What did you do to my friend? "

She was angry and confused at the same time. 

She knew precisely what Titus thought of her and her relationship with Lexa, but what on earth had Murphy do with this, and why was Murphy even here in her room? 

Titus was calm while answering, 

"Your friend has been caught stealing from people on their way to the Polis' market! ". 

She turned to Murphy, who started to regain consciousness. "Hey! ". She knew at the look on his face that he was in real pain. She needed to help him. 

Titus knew precisely what she was planning to do and stopped her immediately. 

"Please, don't do that! " 

She turned to him to explain that whatever Murphy has done, there had to be an explanation and that he didn't deserve that. 

As soon as she faced Titus, she saw the gun in his hand. Where did he get the gun from, and what was he planning to do? She knew that this was terrible. 

Her mind worked so fast to find a solution to get Murphy and her safe from this situation. 

Slowly she stood up and held her hands up. 

"Titus, what is this about? " 

"Sorry, it had to come to this. " 

She could see how sure he was about his plan. 

Titus continued walking towards her. 

"I'm honestly am! ". 

She didn't believe him. It seemed he had to convince himself; it was the only opportunity to achieve whatever he had planned. 

Clarke strolled backward. 

"I'm leaving. Right now. "

She knew he wouldn't back of this quickly. But maybe if he would think that there will be someone entering this room any minute, he would get scared and rethink this. 

"Octavia is waiting for me. Just let me take Murphy, and we will leave! " 

Titus slowly shakes his head. 

"Lexa will never execute her duty "he pointed the gun directly at Clarke. 

"Hey, hey, "she tried to calm this situation down. 

"Lexa will know it was you! "

Clarke knew that no grounder would use a gun. It was against their beliefs. But as furious as Titus was at the moment, she wasn't sure about this. He was so protective over Lexa. She admired him for his loyalty towards her, but this was too much. 

"She will think it was him! " 

Titus was pointing the gun at Murphy and back at her. You could hear his voice trembling, just a little bit. He knew he had no other choice. It has to be done so that his commander would think again and wouldn't get herself in danger, just because she was thinking with her heart also, instead of her head. 

"A Skaikru weapon, in the hands of a Skaikru thief. She might be angry enough to declare war ". 

The first shot came out of nowhere. 

Clarke jumped instantly to the site. 

She couldn't save Murphy and herself. 

If she tried to free him, Titus would shot them both. But if she would manage to get to the door, which wasn't too far away, she could get help. 

Titus seemed to be shocked by the sound and the power of the gun. 

Clarke used this moment and threw the chair, next to her, towards him. While Titus fended of the chair, Clarke used the chance and ran straight towards the door. 

She didn't pay for such a long time, but at this moment, she prayed that Titus wouldn't shot her. She heard another shot and counted the seconds.

1…

2….

3….

4…. 

By now, the bullet should have hit her, but she couldn't feel any pain. So she guessed he must have missed her. And then she saw the door right in front of her. For a second, she believed that she would make it out unharmed, when she suddenly saw Lexa right in front of her, entering the door. 

The look on Lexa's face told Clarke that this wouldn't end well for any of them. And then there was another loud bang. Clarke couldn't think clearly. Only seconds ago, her only aim was to reach the door and get help for Murphy, but now, with Lexa standing in front of her, nothing seemed more important than to protect her. 

Clarke jumped in front of Lexa and pushed her to the site. Lexa lost her balance and stepped a few steps back from the door onto the corridor. 

She could see the scared look on Lexa's face when she felt a sharp pain just under her right shoulder. 

She tried to ignore it. 

Her eyes scanned Lexa's body. 

She seemed to be okay. 

That's all she could ask for at this moment. Suddenly her legs gave away, and she fell forward to the ground. 

"Clarke! "

Lexa tried to reach her, but everything happened too fast. 

Clarke's mind started to fade away. Lexa was safe. She saved her. 

She didn't even manage to extend her arms to catch her fall. 

And then everything turned black in front of her eyes. 


	2. Who should be trusted and who not!

Everything happened too fast. 

Way too fast. 

Lexa was used to acting fast; it was part of her training during the years. 

But this moment just caught her in surprise. 

She saw Clarke falling to the ground, and before she could even move, she heard this terrible loud, dull bang when Clarke's head hit the stoned ground. 

It only took her some milliseconds to get to Clarke. 

Milliseconds that seem like minutes to her. 

Everything around her happened in slow motion. 

She heard Titus from very far away. 

He was apologizing. 

She could hear the despair in his voice. She wasn't sure what exactly he meant. That he nearly killed her or that he hurt Clarke. Then she also heard another voice. One she didn't recognize, but by the way, he was talking, it had to be someone of Clarkes' people.

But she didn't care. The only thing that mattered right now was Clarke. She saw the blood surrounding Clarke's head and body. 

Too much blood. She knew it wasn't good. 

"Titus, get help! Get the healers right now!" 

She didn't even need to look up to him to know that he was fighting with himself. 

"But Heda …" 

Lexa interrupted him immediately. 

"No, but Titus!" 

She was afraid. There was so much blood. There was no time to waste. 

"If your life is important to you, you'll get a healer as fast as possible. NAU! ( _ now _ )".

She managed to talk in her commander's voice. She knew otherwise he wouldn't do anything. He tried to kill Clarke, and by waiting any longer, he would archive it. She looked up and saw Titus, who was running out of the room. She would deal with him later, but right now, she needed him to do it.

Lexa looked to the guy, chained to the chair. He seemed to be just as scared as she was. Clarke has to be important to him too. 

Lexa didn't care why he was chained to the chair; she stood up and walked to him. With a dagger lying next to Clarke's bed, she opened his chains.

"Help me to get her onto the bed! "

Murphy didn't say anything. He just followed Lexa back to Clarke and helped to carry her. He looked at Clarke and tried to figure out which wound was the worse.

"We need to stop the bleeding! "

He pushed Lexa to the side and started putting some fabrics on her wounds. Lexa didn't know what to do. No one ever dared to push her, but at this moment, it didn't matter. The most important thing was to get Clarke back.

She swallowed and asked quietly.

"How bad is it? "

Murphy shook his head.

"Honestly? I don't know. I saw people surviving much worse, but I also saw people dying from even much less. "

Most of the time, he didn't care about others' feelings, but he could hear the despair in the commander's voice. He turned his head to take a glimpse of her.

Lexa was starring at Clarke. She seemed so helpless and powerful at the same time.

"But I know Clarke. She is a fighter."

Lexa took her eyes off of Clarke and looked right into Murphy's eyes. 

"You are right! "

She tried to hide her feelings. But it was hard. Really hard.

Just at this moment, Titus came back with a bunch of healers. 

They started to take care of Clarke. Lexa turned around and looked out of the window. She needed to calm down. Her people couldn't see her like this. She knew it. 

After a few seconds, she turned to Titus.

"Stay here with her, and I want to be updated immediately! "

Titus tilted his head. She could see his dislike for this order. But she didn't care. When she looked back at Clarke, she could see that her healers worked hard to keep Clarke alive, but she also knew that her healers didn't know how to handle bullet wounds. She looked back to Murphy and took his arm.

"Follow me! "

She let go of his arm and walked out of the room. She walked a couple of steps, so she was sure that Titus wouldn't hear her, and turned around to face Murphy. She whispered so that only he could listen to her.

"I don't know why you were chained, but it doesn't matter now. Clarke seems to be important to you. So I know that you will help me. I need to get some things done, so I can't stay there myself. But I trust you enough to ask you to watch over her."

She saw that he seemed to be confused.

"Titus tried to kill her once. Right now, Clarke is vulnerable. It would be an excellent opportunity to get the job done."

She shook her head.

"And my healers have too much respect for him that they would do to obey his orders."

She took her dagger out of her belt and gave it to him.

"I will be back very soon. Until then, protect her, and you'll be free after that. "

Murphy took the dagger and nodded.

"To be precise. I will do it because of Clarke. I don't take any orders from you! "

In any other situation, Lexa would punish him for his disrespect, but she needed him. Lexa nodded slowly and watched as he turned around and headed back to Clarke's room.

She turned around and walked towards the elevator. On the way, she shouted for her guards, who appeared immediately at her side. 

"We need to find Oktavia kom Skaikru. She can't be far. Hurry! "

Her guards nodded and headed out of the building.

Lexa waited a few moments until she couldn't see them anymore.

She had a plan, and it was the only way to save Clarke.

But for this one, she needed Oktavia. 


	3. Convince them

Lexa was sitting on her throne. 

The twelve clans' ambassadors were arguing about something unimportant. Thankfully, they didn't seem surprised when Lexa told them that Clarke wouldn't attend the meeting today because she plans her trip back to Arkadia. 

At first, she thought about telling them the truth, but she knew exactly that some of the ambassadors were angry when Skaikru became the thirteenth clan. Especially after the slaughter of their warriors, who were sent to protect them. Besides this, she still must think about punishment for Titus' action. She knew he meant it well, but she told him so many times that he should leave Clarke alone. But instead of listening to her, he decided to ignore her order and tried to kill her. 

"Heda !", suddenly one of the ambassadors addressed her directly. She didn't know that she was so lost in her thoughts. She didn't even know what they were talking about. 

Lexa looked at him and nodded lightly. 

"My apology, ambassador. I was following one of my thoughts. Please repeat your question!" 

She looked directly at him, to pay her full attention to him. 

She could see the confusion in their eyes. They didn't see her that distracted before, but no one dared to ask. 

"Hmmm, Heda, we were talking about the thirteenth clan. About their betrayal against us. Our people respect you, Heda, but they can't understand why you are not reacting. Everyone knows that we are not allowed to attack someone belonging to our coalition. You need to show Skaikru how we deal with people not following orders!" 

Some of the other ambassadors nodded to show that they were on his side. 

An unpleasant silence spread around the room. 

They were right, she knew it, but she also gave Clarke a promise. 

This dilemma gave her a terrible headache. 

After a while, she broke the silence. 

"You are right." 

The ambassadors seemed more confused than before. She knew that they didn't expect her to say this. 

"But I was talking to Klark kom Skaikru earlier today. Pike, their new leader, is the problem!" 

They needed to know the truth. Maybe then they would understand it. 

"Before Skaikru came to our planet, Pike was a teacher on their ship. An intelligent and truthful man who taught the people about this place. What it was like before they had to leave. He even prepared the first Skaikru people for their return. And I think he did a good job. They survived on our planet. They also survived our attack, and they defeated the mountain man. Something we weren't capable of." 

She looked around the room. The ambassadors were silent. They were trying to figure out what she was planning to tell them. 

"The war against the mountain man wasn't Pikes' achievement, but he was the one who helped the others to become the warriors they are today." 

Lexa stood up from her throne and walked towards the steps. 

"I don't know what happened to him when he arrived on our planet. But those experiences changed him, and he made a lot of terrible decisions in the last few weeks. Decisions that won't be unpunished. We owe it to our people." 

She saw some of her ambassadors whispering. It seemed that they were happy with her decision, but she knew that they weren't prepared for what was coming next. 

"But we won't kill all of them!" 

The ambassador seemed shocked; some of them even angry. 

"I know. Jus drein jus daun ( _ blood must have blood _ ) was always the way of our people. And I still believe in it, but I also believe that not all Skaikru people are the same. Most of the Maunon ( _ mountain men _ ) were evil. But Clarke told me about a girl living there, that helped her and her people to plan their escape. Even some other Maunon sacrificed their lives by helping them. I believe not all Skaikru people are like Pike. We got to know them before Pike entered this planet. Their ways were" 

she smiled lightly and shook her head 

"are different than ours, but they are too! Before the coalition, we fought against each other because we were different. We didn't understand the other, but after this coalition was built, we learned from each other, and we learned to respect the ways of the other clans. This process needed many years to be as stable as it is today. So, I ask you for some time. Give Skaikru and me some time. We need to show them the right way!" 

She was interrupted by the Ice Nation ambassador, 

"but it's not fair to our people, Heda. They want revenge for the loss of their beloved ones. The ones who were sent to help them but were killed so brutally!" 

Lexa raised her hand to stop him. 

"And they will get their revenge." 

She could see the relive in the ambassadors' eyes. 

"But it will be different than the one your aspect. It's not fair to ask Skaikru to change, to become like us. We also need to change. Like we already changed when we became these coalitions. Tonight, I will take some of our best warriors, and we will go and visit Skaikru. We will arrest Pike. He needs to pay for his actions, but the other people of Skaikru will have a chance. The ones who will follow Pike and fight at his side against us will get the same punishment as Pike will. The others, who will not fight with Pike, will get the last chance to start a peaceful life among us!" 

The ambassadors exchanged some looks between each other. 

"But what will be the punishment for Pike and the others who will still support him?" one of the ambassadors asked. 

Lexa went down the stairs towards the ambassadors. 

"Well, like I just said. Jus drein jus daun is still our way. Skaikru needs to change, and we do too. We change by not killing every one of them by giving them a choice, and they need to change by accepting our ways of punishment. So, I think, when you accept my decision, I will let you decide about their punishment. As long as it's our way." 

She gave Clarke a promise, but she also gave one to her people. This seemed to be the best from both worlds. 

When Lexa entered the level where the ambassadors were sitting, she stood in the middle of them and looked around. 

"So, tell me, ambassadors, what do you think? Will you accept my decision?" 

It took a while, a while, that made Lexa question her decision. She was taking a considerable risk, but she knew that it was the right one. 

After a second, which took way too long, all ambassadors nodded towards her. 

"Sha ( _ yes _ ), Heda." 

Lexa couldn't hide her smile, so she turned around to her throne. By the time she sat down, she had put on her serious face again. 

"So, should it be. Please get your best warriors ready. We will leave at sunset, and when I return, I want to hear your decision about the punishment!" 

The ambassadors left one by one while Lexa remained seated. 

She looked out of the window behind her. The sun went slowly down. There wasn't much time left. 

Suddenly there was a loud and furious scream coming from the corridor. 

Just seconds before the doors were opened and two of her warriors entered. They were holding a girl between them. She was angry and tried to free herself from the grip of Lexa's warriors. 

"Heda, here she is. We found her in the woods, not very far away. But she wouldn't come with us voluntarily." 

Lexa stood up and made her way to the girl. 

"Thank you for bringing her back. Now leave and get ready. We meet at sunset at the gate." 

The warriors let go of the girl and left. 

Lexa stood in front of the girl and held out her hand to help her back up. 

“Oktavia kom Skaikru, I need your help!” 


	4. "I need your help!"

"You're kidding me right now!" 

Octavia took Lexa's hand and stood up.   
Lexa didn't know what she means.   
Octavia could see the confusion in Lexas eyes. Probably she didn't know this phrase, just like Lincoln doesn't. She shook her head. 

"With all my respect Heda, but I don't know why I should help you! You didn't help us when we needed you back at Mount Weather, so why should I help you now?" 

Lexa could see the anger in Octavia's eyes. She knew she was right, but she was her only chance to save Clarke. She looked Octavia in the eyes and nodded lightly. 

"You are right, and I don't ask for your forgiveness, but Clarke's hurt, and we need to get her mother here. Otherwise, she won't make it!" 

Lexa remained calm; she needed to hide her feelings, although she could see the shock in Octavia's eyes. 

"Clarke's hurt? And I thought she decided to stay. But why, I mean, what happened?" 

Lexa watched Octavia sitting down on the steps in front of her throne.   
  
"No, she came to say goodbye, and when she was leaving, she was attacked" she got interrupted by Octavia.   
"Attacked? By whom ?" 

Lexa wasn't used to getting interrupted, but somehow this happened whey too many times today. 

"Titus. But I don't know why. I'll deal with him later. One of your people was with her when she got shot. When we return, I'll question him to get another point of view on what happened, and then I'll decide what punishment he gets!" 

Octavia couldn't process all the new information. For so many reasons, she was angry at Clarke, but now Lexa was asking for her help to save Clarke. She guessed it must be bloody serious; otherwise, she wouldn't ask her. 

"And why do you need me?" 

Lexa sat down next to her. 

"It's not that simple. Your new leader, Pike, is not very cooperative. I think he won't let Clarke's mother leave with us; besides that, I don't think we are welcomed there anyway. And there are also our people who want revenge for what they did to our warriors." 

Lexa knew how important Indra was to Octavia and that she was also angry for what her people did to them. 

"I talked to the ambassadors just minutes ago. We will go to your camp and arrest Pike, no matter what it costs." 

She could see the shock in Octavia's eyes. No matter how angry she was with her people, she still felt for them. 

"The one who will fight with Pike will be arrested too; the one who won't fight with him will get the last chance to live among us. The ambassadors will choose a punishment for Pike and the one helping him. That is the only way they get their revenge and can move on ." 

Octavia knew that it was a tough decision for Lexa. They usually would slaughter all her people, and it was done, but it seemed that Clarke had chance her in some way. Octavia nodded. 

"This seems fair to me. But I still don't know why you need me. You know where the camp is, and your warriors fight much better than I ." 

Lexa smiled lightly. 

"You underestimate yourself, Octavia kom Skaikru. I saw you fighting; you're not that bad at all, and Indra told me how impressed she is with you. I want you to ride next to me and fight on my side. I know it'll be hard for you to fight your people, but I trust you and your opinion. I need you to help me decide who will get another chance and who are the ones who are loyal to Pike." 

Octavia was blushing a little bit. She was training hard, but she never heard a compliment from Indra. It was good to hear something like that finally. 

"Ok. I will do it. But not for you or the ambassadors. I'm doing it for my people and Clarke." 

Octavia turned her head and looked Lexa straight into her eyes. 

"I'm still angry with you for leaving us there, but we have some bigger problems now. When will we leave?"   
  
Lexa could understand her. Octavia will need time to forgive her, but she was right; they now have more significant problems. She turned around and looked out of the window. The sun was nearly gone. 

"We meet the warriors after sunset. We have a couple of minutes left. I need to get my armor and my weapons ."   
  
Lexa stood up. 

"Come with me; you'll get some of mine weapons!" 

Lexa walked out of the room and headed towards her room. Octavia followed her and wasn't sure if she should follow her into her room.   
Lexa got her armor on and started with her warpaint; when she didn't hear Octavia, she turned around and saw her at the door, a little bit lost.   
  
"Octavia, it's ok, you may enter." 

Lexa handed her the paint after she was ready with her warpaint. 

"You fight with us now; I think it would be a good idea if you put some warpaint on too." 

Octavia started with the painting and followed Lexa to her weapons.   
Lexa was already fully armed and gave Oktavia some weapons, too. 

"So, I think that's all. Let us get some horses, and we should be ready." 

Lexa turned around and left her room when she was suddenly stopped by Octavia, holding her arm. 

"May I see her before we leave?" 

Lexa knew she was talking about Clarke, but she wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not.   
But then she nodded lightly. 

"Follow me!" 

She walked her to Clarke's room and entered without even knocking. The healers and Titus seem surprised to see her.   
Lexa walked towards the side of the bed and looked down on Clarke. She was pale because of the blood loss, but she could see her breath. The healers could stop the bleeding, but the bullet wound seems to get infected. 

"Murphy? What the hell are you doing here." 

Lexa forgot Octavia was with her. She looked at her while she was hugging Murphy, who seemed confused to see her.   
Lexa watched them while both were whispering. She guessed Octavia told him about their plan, but it was good. He needed to protect Clarke, and so it seemed right to say to him about it.   
Octavia came to her and looked down on Clarke. She whispered so only Lexa could hear her. 

"That's bad; we should hurry."   
  
Lexa could see the worries on Octavia's face, and she even noticed Octavia's hand shaking lightly when she was touching Clarke's hand.   
Lexa looked one last time at Clarke and left the room without another word. 


	5. The plan

Lexa was riding just in front of everyone else. She needed to think about a plan that will work, but honestly, she had no idea how they would succeed . 

Skaikrus ’ weapons were way too powerful . None of their weapons  could  keep  up with them. It wouldn’t be wise to start a direct fight. T hey would n’t have  a chance. She couldn’t  allow  more of her warrior s  to  die so pointless ly . 

“Heda?”, Lexa turned her head to the person  interrupting  her thoughts . 

It was Octavia ,  riding next to  her.  Lexa admired her for trying to be so brave, but she could see the uncertainty in her eyes. 

“Yes,  Okt e ivia kom Skaikru?”, Lexa watched right into her eyes. She always believed that the look in  someone's eyes  is  truer than the words coming out of their mouth.

Octavia took some time to answer. She tried to find the right words. 

“Well, I know what we are planning to do, but I’m not sure about how we will  implement  it! And the others”, she looked behind them to the warriors  following them  “don’t know it either. Is there a plan ?”

Lexa knew the question would come, but she thought she had  enough time to think about it. Usually her warriors wait for her to tell them, none of them would ask her first. But Octavia wasn’t familiar with those unspoken rules, not  yet. 

“We are not far away from  Ark a dia , we should look for a safe place to  set  up the tents  and then we’ll talk about it.”

  
Lexa looked around. They were in the forest, surrounded by so many trees. It would be easy to get spied on, so it wouldn’t be clever to talk about it now. 

“You know that the trees have ears, too!” 

She looked  at Octavia . And smiled lightly. 

“Don’t worry. You will be the first to hear the plan!”

Lexa didn’t want her people to see her that clueless. She always knew a way, there wasn’t one moment during her reign, where she was asking others for help, but no w she had no other choice. She needed Octavia to hel p her. 

After a while they found a nice little place in the woods. Just enough space for a few tents, that could hide easily between all those trees and bushes. She gave the order to get the tents set up, whil e she was walking around the area. 

When her tent was set up, she entered it with  Octavia and sent all her guards outside. 

Octavia was a little bit afraid. She felt like she was in trouble, but she couldn’t think of anything she would have done to offend the  Heda . 

“Am I in trouble?”, she asked directly. 

Lexa looked at her and was thinking about what she had done, that Octavia would think that. She  shook her head lightly . 

“No, not at all. I just don’t want the others to hear us talking!” 

Lexa sat down on one of the  set-up chairs for her and pointed to the other, so that  Octavia would sit down too. 

“I’ll be honest with you”, she looked at Octavia. 

“Your people are well armed. Your weapons are too powerful for us. I saw what they are capable of , and I don’t want my people to die. We lost too many people already!”

Octavia could see the hurt in Lexa’s face. She played so tough, but you could see that she felt for every single dead warrior of hers .

“I need you to help me. You know  Ark a dia and you know your weapons. I want to attack them, but we must  surprise them. We can’t give them time to prepare for a fight. If we surprise them, there will be  just  a few armed ones. Maybe than we’ll have a chance!”

Octavia listened  carefully but shook her head after a moment . 

“I think it won’t work the way you imagine it would, Heda! I might have another idea!”   
She looked at Lexa for permission to keep on talking. 

Lexa nodded. 

“I know a way to get in, but I have to go alone. Some of my friends are still inside and they will help us. I know they won’t support Pike. I make sure, they help us from  inside and when we attack, Pike won’t know who to fight first. Besides that, Lincoln and some other grounders are  imprisoned there . I will ask Raven to free them and give them some weapons.  Your people can fight from outside and inside.”

She knew the plan was far from perfect, but it was a better plan then the one Lexa had. At least it was a plan, that would give them a chance. 

Lexa took some time to think it trough. That plan was also  risky, but  she had to admit,  it was better than hers. 

“ Octavia, I don’t think you should go on your own.”, she knew that  if  something would happen to her, Clarke would hate Lexa for that. 

“I’ll come with you. “

Octavia interrupted her. 

“No way.” It came ou t rougher than she intended it to be. 

“I mean, I know all ways in and out of  Ark a dia . I know the people. It’ll easier for me to go on my own. One person is easier to oversee than two, besides that , your warriors need you. They are toug h , but they are  afraid after the  massacre .”

Lexa knew she was right. It was the only way. 

“Ok, but don’t play the hero, when something goes wrong you return immediately, and we think of something else. We only have one chance!”

Octavia stood up. 

“It’ll work, it has to. Just make sure, that you’ll be there when I give you the sign, that you’ll attack from every side. The rest will be done from inside!”

She waited for Lexa’s permission to leave. There was no time to waste. 

Lexa stood up and walked towards her. 

“We’ll be there, waiting for your sign.” 

Suddenly she hugged Octavia,  what  took her by surprise. 

“Just be careful!”, Lexa released her from the hug. 

Octavia blushed lightly. Somehow it made her feel uncomfortable. She didn’t know that side of Lexa. She nodded lightly, not sure what to say. 

Lexa smiled lightly. “I think Indra will kill me herself, when something happens to you!”

Octa v ia shared her smile and left.

Lexa stood by the entrance of her tent and watched Octavia  disappearing in the dark. 

She knew the hug wasn’t right. She wasn’t allowed to show any feelings,  especially not to strangers, but she was helpless.  Her fear and her  concerns  were overtaking her mind . She was just so afraid to never talk to Clarke again. She wasn’t herself anymore. 

After a while she got herself together again and ordered the leaders inside her tent, to  familiarize  them  with  the plan. 

There was no time to waste. If  everything worked out, they’ll be home by tomorrow evening. 

If only Clarke would survive that long ...


	6. Chapter 6: The way inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some college exams coming up next weg. So I'm quite busy at the moment.  
> But I'll try to update this story once a week.   
> I'll have some others exams coming up in September and October, so I'd love some help with my work.  
> I have many ideas for the story, but not much time to edit the chapters before uploading. So if someone likes to help, feel free to contact me.

Octavia was making her way through the woods. Arkadia wasn’t very far away so she had to be careful not to be seen by anyone. They were her people, but she wasn’t we lcomed there anymore, especially after Pike found out about Lincoln and her.

He said something like how dishonorable it was to sleep with the enemy, but she didn’t  care. He doesn’t know her or Lincoln and after all it was her decision. Lincoln was  way better than any man from the Arc. 

She sneaked up to the whole  in the fence, Raven has set up for her, so she could sneak in and out, every time she needed to. 

  
Octavia took one last look around, but she was so quiet, it was nearly impossible that someone had seen her. 

She climbed through the whole and ran towards the ship, still hiding in the shadows of the dark.  Somehow it was funny how unprotected this area was. Her people should know better by now, but maybe they th ought they  were  superior anyway. 

After opening one of the ventilation shafts, she climbed inside and started crawling through it. The last time she used this way, she was unarmed, and it was much easier. Now she must climb through those  tight shafts and  must be careful to not make any noise s with her weapons, which were scratching against the  metal shaft walls. 

Luckily most of the people were already asleep, so she managed to reach Raven’s room unnoticed. She took a glimpse through the grid  and couldn’t see anyone else besides Raven in the room.  Raven was listening to some loud music. Normally Octavia would hate that this  kind of  music and the loudness, but right now she was thankful for it.

  
She opened the grid quietly and jumped out of it, as gracefully as possible. 

Raven was so focused  on  her work that she  didn’t  notice he r, until Octavia covered Raven’s mouth with her hand and turned her towards her .

Raven was shocked and started to fight her attacker, when she recognized Octavia behind those  war painting . “What the hell,  O !”, she managed to free herself from Octavia’s grip. 

Octavia put a finger towards her mouth to show or to be quiet. She whispered “I need your help Raven! But we must hurry!” 

It took her a few minutes to tell Raven everything what ha s happened and what the plan  was , but Raven listened carefully and already came up with a few ideas. 

“Well we need to inform the others. I can go and find them. You should stay here until I return. It’s not safe for you out there. Pike became  paranoid. But they won’t question me, they know that I’m always looking for some things to build something.”

Octavia nodded. “But Raven don’t tell him! He  cannot be trusted!”

Raven knew she mean Bellamy and somehow, she would be on her side, but he changed during the last few days. He seemed to question more and more of Pike’s  decisions and maybe w hen she would mention  Clark e , he would  change his mind.

“Are you sure, O? I mean it’s about Clark. You know how much she menas to him.”

Octavia took a moment to think about it but shook her head. 

“I’m sure. He should choose the right sight on his own and not because of someone else.”

Octavia wasn’t sure of her decision, but he didn’t care when she asked him for help. He chose Pike. Deep down she was afraid, that he would change his mind for Clark e . That she was more important to him, than she was. 

“Raven please  hurry . We don’t have much time left. Lexa is waiting outside for our sign and by the way she’s acting I think Clark e hasn’t much time left either.”

She could see the hesitation in Raven’s eyes. She blamed Lexa for what had happen to Fynn and somehow, she blamed Clark e , too .  But it wasn’t the right time to take on  revenge . 

Raven left Octavia alone in her room.

Octavia closed the door from inside and pasted through the room. Those minutes she was waiting, passed by like hours to her. 

What if Raven got caught?

What if someone they though could be trusted, wasn’t trustworthy?

What if Pike already saw Lexa and her warriors outside?

She started to become nervous. Raven should hurry up. 

Octavia already came up with a plan B to escape, when suddenly Raven entered the room. She was out of breath when she closed the door behind her and locked it. 

“It’s done. They know about it and are ready!” She sat down to catch her breath again. 

“ Nathan’s on duty right now, he’ll try to give Lincoln some knives and tell him about the plan. He will prepare the other grounders.”

Octavia was happy that it worked so far. 

“How long should we wait until I can give them the sign?”

Raven looked down at the watch on her wrist. 

“5 more minutes.” 

She pointed towards a leader at the  other  side of her room. 

“This one brings you up to the roof. There  is small window you can open and fire the  flare gun from !”

Raven handed her the flare gun and she made her way up to the little window. Octavia looked down to Raven who was watching the countdown on her wat ch. 

Raven asked quietly, “do you think it’ll work?”

Octavia shrugged her shoulders. “It has to. We have no other choice!”

Raven nodded lightly, she knew Octavia was right, and everything would be better than  it was now.  Pike  wasn’t the right one to  run this place . He would let them  from one war to the next , until all grounders would be dead, or them. 

But somehow it seemed to easy. 

“O, now!”

Octavia opened the small window and fired the flare gun up to the sky. She watched while the red bullet made its way up to the  sky and exploded with a loud bang and  a bright  red steam. 

Just seconds later she could see warriors running towards the fence from all sides. She was on their  side, but she knew how frighten ing them must look to the  people at Arkadia.

The  guards didn’t  notice  them until they were making their way up on the fence. 

Octavia heard the first shots, but the y came from inside. They brought her mind back to the plan. She headed down the leader and took her blade. 

She looked at Raven who was holding her gun and made her way through the door, heading right to Lincoln and the other grounders. 

Octavia followed her. She hoped she wouldn’t meet anyone she knew. She didn’t want them to get killed, or at least not killed by her. 

Some guards were surprised when they saw Raven and Octavia running towards them, but before they could say anything, they got  knocked up from behind by Nathan. 

He nodded lightly and made his way out of the ship, towards the fence to open the gates. 

Octavia was surprised by how many people were still on her side. After everything she still had some f riends left  here. 

She couldn’t see Raven anymore. She  had fallen  too  far behind , so she started running to catch  up with her , when someone  suddenly  packed her on her hips and pushed her into a small room. 

Octavia swung her blade, not carrying who it was. 

“Damn it, O! Stop it!”, the familiar voice let her stop right i n her movement. 

After every way she  imagined seeing him again, that wasn’t one of it. 

He was bruised and hurt. He had a pretty nasty cut from her blade  on his arm, and his lip was  swollen , properly from a  punch. 

She couldn’t deal with him right now. “Get out of my way, brother!”

  



	7. Chapter 7: Get Abby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I needed some distraction from studying and I wanted to get this chapter done.   
> So here it is and it turned out to be twice as long as the others.

Raven was heading towards the cells where the grounders were held captive. She was holding close to her gun and trying to ignore the sharp pain in her leg. Her leg  wasn’t used to so much walking anymore, and it already  made itself noticeable . She grinded her teeth together and kept on walking. 

“ O, stay close!”, she  whispered , without looking back. 

Raven excepted a sarcastic answer from Octavia, but when nothing came in return, she stopped and loo ked behind her. 

“ O ?, she scanned the  aisle  behind her, but couldn’t see her anywhere. 

“Damn it, damn it, damn it!”, Raven was thinking about her options. She didn’t want to leave Octavia alone. Maybe she needed her help, but otherwise she would want her to stick  to  the plan.  Besides  that, Octavia became a fearless warrior during the last few weeks. She couldn’t help her with the pain in her leg. 

Raven decided to make her way to the cells. Thankfully it wasn’t far  away  anymore. 

She turned right, into one of the smaller  aisles and went through one of the gates, which were normally closed. Nathan promised to let it open for her. 

After entering the gate, she could see the grounders, already waiting for her and ready for war. In the front was Lincoln. He was calm and armed with a huge blade. She asked herself where Nathan got this one from, it wasn’t a common weapon around here . B ut  she  was interrupted in her thoughts, when the grounders saw her and started yelling at her, to hurry up. 

Raven ran towards the door and  open ed the lock.

She couldn’t jump as quickly to the side as the grounders stormed out of the tiny cell, they were  held captive  for weeks by Pike. From time to time she sneaked some food and medicine inside to help them. But it was never enough. They were treated so badly, she wondere d if they would even survive a fight.

Raven watched them storming outside, when Lincoln grabbed her arm. 

“Are you alright?”, he could see the pain she was in. 

Raven smiled lightly. “I’m always alright. You should know that by now!”, even though it wasn’t t he truth . She would never admit it. 

“But Octavia was with me. I’ve lost her on our way from my room to her e. You should go look for her!”

Lincoln looked at her once again, he knew she was lying about her leg, but he couldn’t help her, when she didn’t want to. He nodded lightly and made his way out to find Octavia. 

Raven stood there for a moment. She needed to take a short break, otherwise her leg would fail her.   
She took a deep breath and started walking again. The shots and screams from outside were so loud, that everyone should be awake by now. 

She needed to be careful not  to  run into someone here. 

Raven passed a few smaller  aisles  into the medical area. Octavia told her to find Abby. She knew she wouldn’t be able to find. She was thankful for Octavia not asking her to do nothing and hide instead ,  but she came up with a different plan for her. 

She needed to find Abby and tell her what have happened. Clarke needed a proper doctor and her mother was the only one they knew. 

After hiding behind a few corners to let some guards and other people from the Arc pass her, she entered the medical area. 

Jackson and Abby were rushing  around the place. The fight  had just  begun, and she could already see some newly wounded people there. The grounders were merciless. Somehow it made her angry, even though she knew they didn’t treat them better. 

Raven shook her head to get rid of those thoughts. 

“Abby!”, she called out her name and got her attention immediately. Raven walked towards her and her leg felt  heavier with every step she took. 

“Raven is everything ok? Are you wounded?”, Abby ran to her and helped her to one of the beds and forced her to sit down. She scanned her for any visible wounds and was relieved when she couldn’t find any. 

“No Abby, I’m fine. It’s about Clarke!”, Raven grabbed Abby’s hand and draw her beside her.

“Clarke? Is she here? Is she outside fighting? Was she wounded!”, the panic in Abby’s voice was unmistakable.

Raven shook her head to stop Abby from talking. 

“ No, she is still in Polis, but Lexa and Octavia are here. Clarke was shot and is unconscious since then. Lexa’s healer s couldn’t help her, she needs you. ”

“Shot? By whom? And what is this fight about? Why didn’t they bring her here?”

Raven’s head started hurting. She could understand Abby’s  confusion , but right now wasn’t the right time for all the questions. 

“Lexa knew that Pike wouldn’t allow you to leave and besides that Lexa’s people are angry. Pike did too much to offend them. It was the only safe way to keep the peace and get you out of here. As far as I understood , Clarke’s condition is too unstable. She lost a lot of blood. She wouldn’t have made it until here.  So, start packing everything you need. She has a nasty head wound and a bullet somewhere between her rips.  Jackson will stay here and  take care of everything ”, she looked at Jackson for support and  he immediately nodded. 

“I’ll go outside and check on the other s . As soon as the fight is over, Lexa will bring you to Polis. She has horses and knows the forest best ”, she stood up  and watched as Abby started packing. Her hands were shaking . Her worries for her daughter were unmistakable. 

The small break helped Raven’s leg to regain some str ength . She made her way out of the medical station and out of the Arc. She was holding on to her gun. 

Outside of the Arc was chaos. There were people running around, some we re lying on the ground, screaming for help, others seem to be dead. Some of the trees around Arkadia were burning. 

Octavia told her that Lexa would spear the innocent, but right now it seemed more like a slaughter. But she also knew that Pike ha d many supporters here, who would fight till the end. 

Suddenly Raven got knocked down to the ground. One of the grounders tackled her and pushed her in the muddy ground. She tried to fight him. “You idiot, I’m on your side. Get  off me!”, but he didn’t care.  He was holding tight to his blade and tried to push it  into her  throat . 

Raven  screamed and kicked with her healthy leg, but he was  too strong for her. 

She got angry. Clarke was the real Wanheda. She would be the  reason, Raven would get killed. Just like Fynn. 

“Hod op!” ( _ Wait _ ), Raven could h e a r a familiar voice and the grounder was dragged from her. When he noticed the person talking to him, he looked frightened. 

“She belongs to  us, don’t you dare  fight her again. Hurry and  help the others !”, the grounder nodded and ran towards the others fighting. 

Lexa was holding out her hand to Raven to help her back up. She had some badly cuts all over her body, and even her face was covered with something black. At  first, she thought it must be mud, when she remembered Clarke telling her Lexa had black blood. 

Raven took Lexa’s hand and stood back up. 

“You should tell your warriors to fight against the right people!”, Raven was angry, but more on herself. She was too weak with her hurt leg. She couldn’t e ven protect herself.

Lexa was scanning her.  At  first, s he wasn’t sure if this girl was Raven, but as Octavia described her, there was no doubt she found the right one. 

“The fight is nearly over. Pike was already arrested  and  some other warriors of yours. Octavia is trying to explain it to your people right now. But there  are still some fighting.  Bring me to Abby. If we hurry, we’ll be back in Polis in a few hours!”

Lexa was wounded. She got burned and punched a few times. Her beloved horse got shot and she  thought she also had gotten shot, but she had no time to think about it.  The only thing that mattered now, was to get Abby to Clarke. Some of her warriors brought another horse to the gate and she only needed to get Abby now. 

Raven wanted to argue. She didn't care if Lexa was the commander or not. But she knew better th an that. T here were more important things right now. She limped back inside. When she felt she must have hit something, because her hip hurt badly again. 

It was hard for her to even think straight, when suddenly she could feel Lexa lying an arm around her to  support  her walking . 

She hated Lexa for Fynn. At other circumstance s she would have pushed her away, but  not now . She could see a glimpse of the real Lexa, the one Clarke wanted them to se e the  whole  time. Maybe Clarke was right, and Lexa wasn’t that bad at all. 

“Right over there, through the door”, Raven pointed to the door in front of them. 

When they got through the door, Abby was already waiting for them impatiently .

“I brought  a guest with me!”, even with all the pain, Raven tried to behave like her self . Always sarcastic and  strong as she  wants to be seen . 

Jackson ran towards her and took Raven from Lexa and carried her to one of the beds. 

Lexa was thankful that she had only to carry her own wight. Her wounds weakened her  more than she excepted . 

She turned to Abby and took some of the bags she had already prepared. 

“Are you ready?”

Abby looked at her with so much hate and pain, that Lexa could finally understand Clarke’s fear of her mother’s opinion.  Thankfully Abby’s love for her daughter was more important than her hate. Abby took the other bags and headed outside. 

Lexa took one look back to Raven. “Thank you, for everything! Get well, soon!”. Clarke explained to her many times before, how much a than k you meant to the Sky People and if they want to get along, she needed to adapt some of their  behaviors . 

Lexa followed Abby quickly and put the bags on the horse, before climbing up. She held  out her hand to help Abby up, but Abby ignored it and climbed up behind her. Lexa could feel the grip of Abby, holding on  to  her side . She was touching one of the wounds, but she tried to ignore it. 

Lexa pressed her heels into the  horse's sides, and it started running towards the open gate. 

They passed many dead and wounded ones. The smell of burned wood and flesh was  everywhere . She could feel Abby’s grip  tightened around her wa ist, but she didn’t say anything. Lexa knew she felt for them, as much as Clarke  does. 


	8. Chapter 8: "Thank you!"

"Is this route safe?”, Abby asked Lexa after a while. 

They were still on their way back to Polis. Abby saw Lexa struggling with all her wounds. Some of them looked  bad. If it hadn’t been Lexa, she would have helped her immediately. But Abby was still fighting with herself. She didn’t trust Lexa and blamed her for many dead and wounded from her people. But Clarke believe d in her. And she trusted her daughter, no matter what happen ed .  Moreover , Lexa did a lot to get her and bring her to Clarke. 

Lexa seemed a bit confused. After the  whole time riding in silence, she didn’t accept Abby saying  anything . 

She nodded. 

“Ok,  then stop right now!”

Lexa turned her h e ad a bit to look at Abby. 

“There is no time to waste. Clarke really needs you!”

Abby shook her head. 

“I know, but I guess your people wouldn’t be happy, if you return dead.” She looked at Lexa’s visible wounds. Some of them started to heal alrea dy, but others,  especially the bullet wounds, were still bleeding.

Lexa looked back to the front. “I’m fine.”

Abby couldn’t hide a small smile. She was just as stubborn as Clarke. But she knew that Lexa was lying. She touched one of her wounds on her hip and Lex a flinched immediately. 

“You are not fine. Just let me look at the wounds for a second and we can  continue with the journey .”

Lexa was in real pain, but she tried to ignore it. She looked back at Abby. Clarke was just like her. They will continue until they get whatever they want.    


She stopped the horse and climbed down slowly. Abby followed her and grabbed one of  her bags.

Lexa sat down on a tree stump and took of her armor and her shirt, so that Abby could inspect her wounds. 

Abby was shocked. 

Lexa had so many wounds, she didn’t know where to begin. There was no wound that wouldn’t need any treatment. She had lost a lot of blood and if she hadn’t stop her, she would had lost her consciousness  at some point  on their way back. 

She had a worried look on her face. Clarke must be  really  important to her, otherwise she wo uldn’t  torment herself that much . 

When Clarke  insisted to fight on Lexa’s side against Mount Weather, she already had a feeling that there must be more between them both .  Also that Clarke decided to stay in Polis with Lexa, would have been a sign. But now seeing Lexa that wounded and  that she  wa s still prioritizing Clarke. Even a blind one would see it. 

“Commander you’re  injured very badly . I need to take care of  your wounds . You’ve lost too much blood already!”

Lexa smiled lightly, trying to hide her pain. “Well, I had worse ones. But if you  insist, I won’t  fight back .”

Abby took a close look on the wounds. She started to take care of the smaller ones which just needed a clean up, some medication and clean bandage.

“I guess some of them need  to be stitched up . Do you want something for the pain?”

Lexa shook her head. She could tolerate the  pain, besides she needed a clear mind, in case someone would try to attack them on their way back. 

Abby inspected some of the bullet wounds. “Some of them are still inside. I need to get them out first.”

Lexa exhaled. “Do it. I can take it.”

Abby took one of her  pincers  and started to put them insight the wound. 

Lexa grinded her teeth. It  was painful , but she couldn’t show any weakness. 

When Abby  got  all  bullets out, she started to stitch  them up. 

Lexa was quiet. Too quiet. But  if she was conscious, there was no need to worry. 

After she treated all of Lexa’s wounds, most of her body was covered with the clean bandages. It was insane how much she  had suffered  to get her to Clarke.

But she could see that Lexa was bothering something. Abby helped Lexa put her shirt and armor on agin , but when she didn’t stand up, Abby kneeled in front of her and lied her  hands on Lexa’s knees. 

“Is everything alright ? ”, somehow Abby started to worry about her  behavior . At  first, she couldn’t get back to Polis  fast enough , and now she w ouldn’t stand up.

Lexa looked at her. She wasn’t used to this kind of treatment. She lost her mother way too soon, and when she was training with the other natblidas they w ere never treated with love or any emotions at all.

It took her a while to sort her thoughts. 

“I don’t understand it”, she looked down on her hands.    
“I’ve got hit by so many bullets and I’m still here. I’m still conscious and fighting. How is it possible, that Clarke is fighting for her life and got only hit by one bullet?”

She looked up, right into Abby’s eyes. 

Abby could see the worry and the pain in Lexa’s eyes. It was the first  time, she didn’t see her as the commander. She was just a normal girl, who was afraid to lose someone. Who was questioning the r ight s and wrong s of some  unchangeable things. 

Abby took Lexa’s hands into hers. 

“I’m not sure how bad Clarke’s wounds are, but maybe the bullet hit an important nerve or organ. There are many reasons, but if she’s still alive there is still hope. ”

Lexa fought her tears and looked down on Abby’s hands holding hers.

“It’s not fair. The bullet should have hit me not her. But she jumped in front of it anyway.”

Lexa  swallowed . She knew Titus meant to kill Clarke, but only for the decisions she made. She failed to protect her from him. She should have known better. But she trusted him. 

Abby was confused. Raven told her that Clarke was shot, but not why. Now it  still  wasn’t  making any sense, but it made her proud in some way to see  that Clarke was still her old self. Just like her father she was trying to protect those who are important to  her . 

“Life isn’t  always  fair. But it was her choice.”

Lexa looked up. Abby could see the tears in her eyes. She stood up and looked down on Lexa. 

“I can’t promise you anything now, but I will try to do my best. For her and you.” She was just as afraid as Lexa to lose  Clarke , but it was nice to see that  her daughter  had found someone who cared for her just as much as she did. 

“Now come. Like you said, we have no time to lose.” She carried the bag back to the horse.

Lexa watched her. She took a moment, brushed her tears away and stood up. As she tried to climb back on her horse, she a ccepted Abby’s help and helped her in return to get back on the horse. 

Somehow it made Lexa happy. The ice between Abby and her  was  broke n . Maybe it was a good sign. 

After a while she coul d finally see the tower in Polis. They had made it. Finally. 

She turned her h e ad  a  last time to Abby and  said, “thank you”. 

Abby smiled lightly. 

When they entered the gate of Polis, they were greeted immediately by some of her warriors.

Lexa returned to her old self. Her eyes got  colder, and she  hid  her feelings again. 

Now she needed to be the commander  again.


	9. Chapter 9: You are All I Have Left

Back in Arkadia, Octavia was standing in front of Lexa’s army. 

Before the attack Lexa gave them the order to follow Octavia’s orders until they return to Polis.

“Chain them to gether . But first look if they still have any weapons on  themselves ”, she said before returning inside the ship. 

She was heading to the medical station, to look for Raven. She needed to know if Lexa had made it. But she didn’t make it that far. 

She got distracted by screams and a dump banging against the metal walls. 

“He will kill himself. How can he be so stubborn?”, she asked herself, but she knew that he was just like her.  This stubbornness runs in her family.

Octavia followed the noise, until she stood in front of the room, where she locked her brother. Lincoln was standing next to the door, watching her. 

Since he was freed, they didn’t have a chance to talk to each other in private, but she was happy to have him back. She gave him a small shy smile and  laid  her hand on his arm. 

“Please keep him from killing himself. I have some other things to get done first. As soon as I’m done, I’ll take care of him!”

Lincoln remained silent for a little moment. She could see him thinking it through. 

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” Lincoln asked in a low voice, so that no one would hear him, except of her. “I know he`s your brother, but he also supported Pike. He let this happen to us. He  fought on ou r side against Mount  W eather to free us and then did the same to us, as they did.  Who knows that he won’t try to free Pike and his people? Once a traitor, always a traitor.”

Octavia knew that he was right, but she believed in her brother. He would choose her, or at least Clarke over Pike. She needed time to explain it to him. He needed to understand it. But not now. She hadn ’t the time and the power to take care of him now. 

“You are right Lincoln.” She looked right into his eyes. “But I’ll try to do anything I can, to show him that his way was wrong. I know him, he’ll understand it. He was let on the wrong path, by a man who could be  convincing . When I return, I’ll try to talk to him, and if he won’t convince me of his loyalty, he’ll be imprisoned, too!”

It hurt her, but she knew it had to been done. 

She kissed Lincoln on the cheek and  whispered “ ai  hod yu in” ( _ I love you _ ) and left . 

Lincoln watched her leaving, before entering the room, Bellamy was in. He w ould  protect him until she returns. 

Octavia entered the medical station. It was crowded with wounded Skaikru people and grounders. Somehow it made her happy to see them together. She had hope, that this will be a new  beginning  for all of them. 

She looked through the room until her eyes caught Raven, lying on one of the beds. She walked to her and kneeled next to the bed. Raven looked tired and in pain, but she was smiling. 

“Hey O! You made it!”, she tried to sit up, but couldn’t make it. 

“No, we made it!”, Octavia said and helped her to lie back down. “Did Lexa and Abby  make it out?”

Raven nodded. “Yeah they did, but I hope Abby won’t kill her before they a rrive  in Polis.”

“What do you mean?”, Octavia asked in concern . 

Raven laughed, “well, let’s say Abby can be more like an ice queen, than the ice queen herself was. She is pissed like we all are, and when she heard that Clarke got injured while she was in Polis wi th Lexa, she wasn’t happy either. But I th ink Abby will be clever enough to keep her alive until they are there.” 

Octavia shook her head. “Let’s hope so, but I also have to leave soon.  I promised Lexa to bring her army and the prisoners back to Polis. But I’m not sure if we got all the traitors. And who should be in  charge here?”

Raven took Octavia’s hand. “You did a great job until now. Let’s take it step by step now. First bring them to Polis. Talk to Lexa, ask if Kane  may return. When Clarke’s getting better, she could take his place there and he could rule here. Lexa trusts him and  t he people here do too.”

Octavia thought about it. It would be the best. At least for the moment. She nodded. 

“Until we return you have to take care of everything. Do you think you can do  that ?”, Octavia needed someone she could trust and right now there were only a few people left , she could really trust. 

“Well, I’ll try my best. ”, Raven smiled and hugged Octavia before she left. 

Octavia went to talk to the others.  She  told them, what was going to happen next and that Raven will be in charge until they return. 

Most of them seem to be too tired to question anything, others were too scared to say anything. But it was something to take care of when they returned. 

She returned to Lincoln. He was inside with Bellamy. She took a big breath and stepped inside the room. 

Bellamy was chained to one of the pipes. His wrists were covered in blood. He hurt himself, while trying to free himself. The cut on his arm, was covered by some bandages. She guessed that Lincoln got them, when he was at the medical station. 

Lincoln looked up and left the room, so she could talk in private with him. 

Bellamy looked also  up but didn’t say anything. 

She could see the hurt, the anger and the frustration in his eyes. It took her a while  to find the courage to sit across from him. 

She knew she needed to start this conversation right, otherwise it would turn into the wrong direction very quickly. 

“I’m sorry, Bell”, she said with a lot of pain in her voice.

Bellamy didn’t accept this and looked confused. 

“Why are you apologizing, O? There is no need for an apology from you !”

Octavia shook her head. 

“We left you. If I had be here, I would have shown you that you are going the wrong way. Pike manipulated you. He let you do things that you would have never done. You killed innocent people. People sent to help and protect you. The old Bellamy would never done this!”

He looked down. 

“That wasn’t your fault. I chose this path, because I believed in it. I don’t believe in everything Pike decided to do, but his  aim  was the right one! Sometimes you need to sacrifice to archive a bigger goa l.”

She couldn’t believe that. 

“You are not believing that, do you? Bell, think about it. You fought for peace and freedom. You decided to free the grounders, when you were in Mount Weather. You told me about that girl , who was next to you in this cage. She was  one of  the  reasons , you decided to help them. All of them. You didn’t care they were grounders. And now you are against them? ”

Bellamy shook his head. 

“That’s not true. You have no idea.”

“Then tell me, Bellamy. Damn it, explain it to me, brother! I’m here to help you.”

“You wouldn’t understand it.” He looked back to her.

She got frustrated. It seemed that he already gave up. She continued “well, then let me tell you, that you have two options! The first one will be, that you continue believing in the things Pike told you. You’ll be imprisoned, like the others, and brought to Polis . Pike will be killed. But I don’t know what will happen to the others. I guess they will be killed too.”

He whispered, “jus  drein jus  daun ” ( _ blood must have blood _ ). 

Octavia nodded. 

“The second option would be, you are accepting that your way was wrong. I’ll tell Lexa that you fought on our side, against Pike. She told me, that  everyone , fighting on our side, will be  pardoned. You’ll live here among us. Help us to build a new future in peace for  all of  us. ”

She looked down on her hands. 

“If you are not doing this for me, do it for our friends, do it for Clarke!”

She looked back  at him. Their eyes met. She could see his eyes lighten up, when she mentioned her name. 

“Where is she?”, he asked.

“No t here. She’s in Polis. This attack was part of the plan to safe her.”, she told him what have happened. He listened  carefully . 

Octavia wasn’t sure what was going on in his head, but she played every card she had. Now he needed to decide. 

She stood up. 

“I’ll be back in a few days. Until then, Raven and Lincoln will take care of you. When I  return, I want to hear your decision!”

She walked to the door, turned her head to him and said “please Bellamy, you are all I have left of our family . I don’t want to lose you too!”.


	10. Chapter 10: You Need To Rest

Lexa and Abby  were brought to Clarke’s room . 

When they entered the room, Lexa could see nearly all her healers standing around the b e d. Titus were standing  next to  the window and Clarke’s friend, she remembered his name was Murphy, was sitting on her sofa . He  looked  tired , like he didn’t sleep the last few days, just like her. He  seemed to  keep his promise and watched Clarke the whole time.

“Heda”, she heard from the healers, who bowed down, just as Titus did. 

She nodded lightly and went straight to the b e d and looked at Clarke. She was still breathing, but she got even more pale, than before she had left. 

“I brought the Skaikru healer. Like you all know by now, she is also her mother. She will take on from now.” 

Lexa looked at Abby, who was already standing next to Clarke and started to insp ect her wounds. 

“I will let three of my healers stay with you. They will help you with anything you need help with. We also have some medicine and herbs. Just ask them and they will brin g you everything.”

Lexa looked at her healers, who just nodded, to show her that they got her orders. 

“I will get the room next to this one ready. You can have it for your stay. If you need anything else, just let me know!”

She turned around to Titus, who was already standing next to her. 

“You need to update me on everything that has happened while I was away and then order all the ambassadors of the thirteen clans . I need to talk to them!”

Titus looked unsure. She guessed he was waiting for his punishment, after his betrayal. But Lexa wasn’t ready to think about it.  All the years, he was the only one she could trust and with him betraying her, she has no one left. She needed time to think about it. 

All emotions and sympathy she had earlier in her eyes and voice, were gone. If Abby wouldn’t see her differently on their way  back  to Polis, she wouldn’t understand what her daughter saw in her.

“Commander, can we talk in private for a minute?”, Abby asked Lexa. 

Clarke was badly injured, but she wouldn’t die. She needed to talk to Lexa first. 

Lexa looked at her doubtfully, but nodded then, and all her healers and Titus left the room. 

She looked to Murphy, who was still sitting on the sofa and watching them. 

“Thank you for your help. You should rest now.”, she walked towards him. 

“At the end of the corridor is a guest room. You can stay there for a while. When I’m finished with my work, I’ll get you and we talk about your  reward for helping me.” 

He showed her that he could be trusted, at least with Clarke. He helped her, although he didn’t have to. At least she could thank him, by offering him something he de sired. 

“I have something in mind, but I guess it’s not in a hurry.”, Murphy said and stood up. 

He left the room and closed the door behind himself. 

Lexa returned to Abby and sat down on the edge of Clarke’s bed. She touched her hand, which was freezing. 

“She’s so cold.”, she said more to herself than to Abby. 

“She lost a lot of blood, that’s normal. Besides that, her wound got infected. Her body is fighting the infection with a temperature. But I know my daughter, she’s strong enough to fight this ”

Lexa looked at Abby, who were watching  Clarke . 

“You wanted to talk?”

Abby nodded. 

“You need to rest. I don’t think it’s a good idea to work now.”

Lexa shook her head. “I’m their  heda , I need to.”

“But you need to rest, too. If you won’t be careful, your wounds get infected, too.    
I can’t force you to do anything, but I would recommend to at least get some sleep. You were up the whole day, when this happened to Clarke. You came to Arkadia, you fought against them and then we returned. You are up for so many hours. Some hours of sleep will help you and your body. After that you can get your work done.”

Abby talked with a loving and protecting, mother-like-voice to Lexa. Somehow Lexa enjoyed the conversations with  her, and she knew that Abby was right.

“Maybe you are right, besides O ctavia didn’t return with Pike and the others, yet”, Lexa said more to herself, like  if  she needed to c onvince herself. She looked back at Clarke. She seemed so  peaceful , but so weak at the same time. 

Abby laid a hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “Go and rest now. I’ll get you as soon as something will change. You know I’ll take good care of her!”

Lexa looked up to her. The warmth of Abby’s eyes calmed her down. She nodded and stood up. 

“Like I said, if you need something or if I should come here, just tell my guards. They will stand in front of the door, the whole time”, Lexa said and left the room. 

She talked to the guards and gave them their orders, before she returned to her own room. Lexa entered her bathroom and began taking off her armor. Every part of her body  hurt . 

During the ri de she didn’t pay much attention to her wounds. She was worried and scared for Clarke’s life, but now that she knew that she was in the best hands and that she was still alive, the pain fought through her thoughts. 

Lexa undressed herself slowly and took off her bandages. Abby did a good work, by stitching her up. Better than her own healers, but still the stitches will  leave a few nasty scars.

She whispered, “What have you done with me, that I would go through all of this, just to save you.”

Lexa noticed herself in the mirror, smiling a little bit. She knew the answer, but it was still weird to her. She  never believed that she would feel  like this ever again. Not after  what have happened to  Costia .

After a few minutes, where she lost herself in her thoughts, she entered her bath, that was already prepared for her. She enjoyed the heat of the water surrounding her body. Her muscles felt sore and enjoyed the heat of the water even more. Even though her wounds burned. The pain kept her from falling asleep. 

She stayed in the water way too long, but she totally forgot the time. When they water started to get c old , and she felt her body started  trembling , she went out.

Lexa took some of the herb  ointments  and put them on her wounds and got dressed again. 

As soon as she sat down on her bed, she was getting too tired to fight it anymore. 

She recognized that her bed has been made. After Clarke  visited her, she didn’t care about making it.

Her maids must have made it while she was gone. 

Lexa laid her head down on the pillows. Right where Clarke laid only hours ago. She could still smell her. The comfort of her memories let her fall asleep immediately. 


	11. Chapter 11: A New Advisor

Lexa was woken up by a loud bang on her door.

She blinked a few times until she remembered where she was.

S he was lying in her bed , in her own room , in Polis. The last few days felt like a dream to her, but when tried to raise herself up, she felt her whole body hurting. Those wounds reminded her that  the last few days, weren’t a dream. 

Another loud bang  on her door, let her mind finally set. 

“A moment, I’m right there!”, Lexa stood up and put some more formal clothes on before she opened  the door. 

It was Titus standing in front of the door, who b owed his head, when he saw her. He had a questioning look in his eyes, but he didn’t dare to ask her.

“Heda, the warriors are back with the Skaikru people and the prisoners. Als o the ambassadors are waiting for you in the throne room. “

He looked at her, waiting for  the next commands. 

Lexa took a moment to plan her day. 

“Bring O ktei via  kom Skaikru to me right now. I must talk to her first. After that I’ll meet with the ambassadors.”

Titus seemed to expect further information on her plans, but when Lexa didn’t say anything else, it was  clear to him, that she was still angry with him. He nodded lightly and left. 

He needed to find this Skaikru g irl, as Lexa commanded it.  He needed to show her, that he’s still loyal to her and that he’s still going to serve her well. 

Lexa watched him leaving. It was strange not  discussing h er plans with  him , but after what he did, he had no right to ask for everything  returning to normal again .

  
She looked over to Clarke’s door, which was closed. 

If something would have changed, Abby would have sent for her or she hoped Titus would have tell her at least .

She returned to her bathroom and g o t ready. Her face had some nasty cuts. But luckily it wasn’t bruised that bad ly . 

After she got dressed and made her hair, she walked on her balcony to watch over the streets from Polis. 

The cold wind caressed her skin . She took a while to watch the crowded streets. Thinking about the people, who were minding their own  business . How nice  it  must be, just  to  care for their own family. 

Lexa totally forget the time until her door got open without a knock. 

She smiled lightly. 

Somehow it was funny  to her  how the Skaikru  people care about manners and  behavior , but at the same time they were rude  and disrespectful  in so many  ways.

She returned in her room and sa w Octavia standing in the middle of her room. 

“It’s nice to see you. How has everything been  after  I left?”, Lexa asked before sitting down on her couch, showing Octavia to sit next to her. 

Octavia sat down next to her. 

She was lucky to sit again, the walk from Arkadia to Polis was really exhausting. 

“The worst was done before you left. When Pike got arrested, most of the ones following him, lost their hope and stopped fighting, too. All in all, we got Pike and about 30  others. Your warriors are watching them right now. Do you know what will happen  to  them?”, Octavia knew they deserved everything, even their death, after all they have done. But they were still  her people, and some of them were even family and friends to some of her friends. 

Lexa took a few moments to think about it. 

“I’m lucky you are unharmed and that we didn’t have many loses on both sides. Well I didn’t talk to the ambassadors yet. I wanted to talk to you first. I know that Pike will die, that’s for sure. They keep up with our old traditions. All people  who lost a family member to Pike, will cut him with a knife. I’m sure he won’t survive this. After the death of over 300 warriors, they are a lot of people waiting for this. For the others it’s hard to say. I think they will get the  same punishment. The ambassadors are still trying to  stick to  their old ways, but maybe they will surprise me.”

Lexa  shrugged her shoulders and  looked to  Octavia . 

“I know it’s going to be hard for you and your people, but I hope you understand this. I need to keep the peace. After what they have done, our clans would normally kill all of you. Even the innocent ones . It’s already a huge  achievement , that the innocent were spared. ”

Octavia nodded. 

“I know you are right. And I think it would be wrong to say we acted differently.”

Octavia got lost in her thoughts. 

Lexa looked at her questioning. “What do you mean?”

Octavia looked up. “Didn’t Clarke tell you about the way they punished people on the Ark?”

Lexa  shook her head.

“Mostly everything was punished  by  death. I don’t know anyone who hadn’t lost someone, for doing something not that bad.  Clarke lost her  dad, I’ve lost my mom. Everyone lost someone. And the reasons weren’t as understandable as the ones you have now. But as soon as Clarke’s better, you should ask her yourself .” 

It was hard to talk about all  of  that for Octavia, but she knew she needed to get over all of this. This life made her  what she was today. And if Lexa would understand them better, maybe it’ll become easier for all of them. 

Lexa nodded. 

“After all, it seems we are not that different.” Lexa said and  took Octavia’s hand . 

Octavia looked on Lexa’s hand holding hers. She got to know a different Lexa in the last few days. Maybe she got a blink of the Lexa, Clarke tried to explain to her. She was different tha n the Heda, she showed everyone. Maybe if they met under different circumstances, they would  have  become friends. But the relationship they had now, the one who was guided by  acceptance and respect, was a good s tart. 

“ So, what will we do now?”, she asked Lexa. 

“Well, now I need to talk to the ambassadors. And I want you to join me.”

Octavia was confused. 

“Why? I mean you have Kane as  our ambassador .”

Lexa smiled lightly. 

“I don’t want you to be an ambassador. They only care about the interests of their own clans. After what Titus did, I can’t trust him anymore. I’m not sure about his punishment yet, but I need someone to replace him and to help me. Someone I need to talk about my  decisions with . Normally I would ask Indra, but she’s still recovering. But Indra likes you a lot. She is  proud of the person you have become, and after the last days you showed me that I can trust you.  W hat do you say?”

Octavia was even more confused. She knew what kind of big deal this was for Lexa and herself. But  also the fact that Indra was proud of her, confused her. She thought about  what this position would mean to her and to her  relationship with Lincoln.

“I don’t know”, Octavia said honestly and looked at Lexa. 

“I mean, why me? I think there are others who would be much better for this position than me ”

Lexa watched her. 

“Maybe you are right. But I think you are underestimating yourself. You are  one of  the first person s who didn’t care about the  krus . You didn’t care about  Lincoln not being one of your people. You didn’t care  about  Indra  no t being one of your people. You were the first who broke these boundaries. This coalition has thirteen clans and still all of them are trying to get the things, that are best for their clan, not for all of them. I think you would make a good  advisor.”

Octavia never cared about all those boundaries. Maybe because of the way she was raised or because of the problems those boundaries brought. Lexa was right, it was time to give them a good example for another way. And maybe she  could help archiving this. 

She nodded. “Ok I’ll do it, but I w ant something in return!”

Lexa was impressed by the  confidence the Skaikru people have. Her people would never dare to ask for something in return fr om her, but Clarke and her people were always  direct and open when it came to  being treated  equally . 

“You  are the first one who asks for something in return. For the people from the other twelve clans it would be an honor to serve me, especially in this high position. But after all you did for me and Clarke in the last few days, I’m willing to  accommodate your wish. Tell me, what is it what you desire?”

Octavia wasn’t sure how to say it, so it took her a while to find the right words. 

“When Clarke and I planned to return, she promised me to help me with something. It didn’t work out the way I planned it to , but at the end I’ve got nearly the same result. We wanted to  free the grounders  in  Arkadia, and I wanted to run away with Lincoln. We wanted to start a new life, where no one knows us. ”

Lexa understood her. She would kill for having the chance, to start somewhere else a new life. Without her duties . 

“But now it’s not an option when you become my advisor ? ” Lexa  asked and Octavia looked down. 

“Well, but maybe we can find a solution, that will please all of us?”, Lexa asked  her, and Octavia looked up to her, before she continued. 

“Maybe you would like a nice little house at the border, near to the forest. You could live there with Lincoln and if he likes  to, he could join Indra’s arm y again or he could work for me, like as one of my guards or so mething like that . I mean if he likes to , we will find something that both of you will be pleased with .”

Octavia thought about it. It wasn’t the same but living here in Polis and helping Lexa would give them a good life. Maybe it would be even safer for them. 

“I will have to ask him  first, but I think I would like this.”

Lexa seemed to be  relieved . 

“That sounds good to me. Talk to him first and then tell me your decision. But I  still  want you to come with me to the meeting with the ambassadors now. You helpe d me and I want the ambassadors to see, that you fought against your own people to let justice prevail. And maybe you could see it as a  test run for your maybe future position as  my  a dvisor . And after that I’ll get you a horse and some warriors for your return to  Arkedia .”

Octavia was impressed. She hated Lexa for such a long time and now in just a few days, she changed her mind of her completely. She thought about apologizing to Clarke when she wakes up. 

Octavia stood up  very  fast . She was excited for all the new things waiting for her. 

“What are you waiting for , Lexa ? Come on hurry up!”, Octavia  nearly ran  towards the  door. She couldn’t hide her excitement. 

Lexa followed her fast and held her arm, before Octavia reached the door. 

She looked harsh and cold when she said “From now on its  Heda !  I f you  continue  treat ing me without any respect, I think I must kill you !”

Lexa saw the shock in Octavia’s eyes and her skin got pale . 

She needed all her willpower, not to burst out into laugh ter . She led over and whispered into Octavia’s ear.  “When we are in private and no one of the ambassadors or warriors are around, you can be yourself. And I promise I’ll be  myself !”

Octavia needed a few seconds before she started to grind lightly and rolled with her eyes. 

“That wasn’t funny! I think I still need to get used to this side of you!”

Lexa just shook her head, still smiling, and pushed Octavia out of her room. 


	12. Chapter 12: Wanheda Woke Up

Octavia was  walking next to Lexa  to the throne  room . 

She noticed the  glances  of the guards standing  i n the corridor.  Even for her it felt strange. She was never important in her  life, well most people didn’t know she existed. But if someone had told her, that she would become the advisor of one of the most important people on earth, she would  have  laugh ed about  him .

Lexa stopped in front of the door. She turned her head to Octavia. 

She asked  quietly , “Ready?”.

Octavia nodded. She was nervous, but she would hide it . Just as Indra taught her to.

The doors were opened by the guards and Lexa entered the room. 

All people stood up immediately and Lexa walked towards her throne. Before taking her seat, she led over to Titus and whispered something  into his ear .  Octavia couldn’t hear what it was about , but  Titus se e med shocked and hurt .

Octavia made her way up to the throne, she felt all eyes in the room on her. 

Titus left the room and Lexa showed her to stood on the right side of the throne. 

Lexa turned to the ambassadors who bowed. She nodded and they took their seats. 

“Thank you for meeting me  so brief . But I have great news for all of you. Like I promised you, we brought the Skaikru traitor Pike and his supporters to Polis . ” 

She looked around and saw how pleased they were. 

“I want to introduce you to Octavia kom Skaikru!” Lexa turned to Octavia and showed her to come next to her.    
Octavia didn’t like to be in the center ofattention, but she tried to hide her shyness and stepped next to Lexa. 

Lexa waited until she stood next to her and continued. 

“Octavia was one of the reasons we got him! She helped us to get inside. She and some other Skaikru people, worked from the inside  of Arkadia  to get us inside. They freed our people from their  prisons, and they  fought with us, against their own people!”

Octavia was impressed . Lexa had something on her . Her voice was calm and powerful at the same time. She exuded such a self-confidence. 

“She brought our warriors and the prisoners back to Polis! She showed me that not all Skaikru people are the same. And I want you to see it too!”

Lexa looked to Octavia and showed her to go back to her place, while she sat down. 

“So, tell me ambassadors , what will the punishment for all of them be ?”

Octavia saw one of the ambassadors stood up. She wasn’t sure from what clan he was from . But their sign seemed  familiar to her. 

“Heda”, he nodded his head. 

“For their leader we want death. The usual procedure. Cuts by everyone that suffer ed from a loss by his hand. And if he survives, death by your hand.”

Lexa wa sn’t surprised, she just nodded lightly. She already accepted this. 

He continued, “ f or the other we don’t want death!”

Octavia was  relieved but wasn’t prepared for what was coming next. 

“We want them to get cut, too!”

Lexa cringed her forehead. “What do you mean?”

“All of them get cut too, but if they survive, they won’t get killed by you Heda.”

Lexa took a moment to think about it. It was nearly impossible to survive over 300 cuts. It didn’t make sense to her. 

“How is it any different to the punishment of Pike?” , she asked.

“Well, we want to separate the number of cuts, evenly through the number of his followers.”

Octavia thought about this in her head. “So, ten cuts for everyone.”

She didn’t notice she was talking  out  loud until every eye in  the room was on her . Octavia looked apologizingly at Lexa.

Lexa looked at he r , but  Octavia could see in her eyes, that  she wasn’t angry with her .  Also, it wasn’t usual that someone except Lexa was talking without permission. 

Lexa turned  back  again and faced her ambassadors.

“This seems fair to me. I’m glad you were considering my thoughts from our last meeting!”

The ambassador took a step forward to her. 

“That’s not all Heda. We have two other punishments.”

Lexa was confused, but it seemed to o easy. She nodded, so he would continue.

“The cuts won’t be by the ones who lost someone, we want the Skaikru people to do it!”

Octavia was  shocked . How could they ask this of  them? That’s not fair. She hoped Lexa wouldn’t let them do it.

The ambassador looked to Octavia. 

“She fought with us. That’s good, but we need pro ofs , that the others are also on our side. Every not imprisoned Skaikru person should do one cut at least.  And then we ask you to send them away! Send them to the dessert. They shouldn’t be allowed to return, as long as you are alive, Heda!”

Lexa watched the ambassadors. It seemed that all of them were on the same side. She knew that Octavia wasn’t happy with this  decision and Clarke wouldn’t be happy as well. But she couldn’t do anything against it . 

She asked  them to choose the punishment and not  to a d h e re to it would be wrong. 

Lexa stood up and  walked  to the stairs in front of her throne , stopping at the first one . 

“ So may it be. The punishment will be set in three days at dawn. Get the families ready and I’ll send for the Skaikru people.”

She  dismissed them and they were leaving one after one. She waited until she was alone with Octavia and turned towards her. 

Octavia was pale, but Lexa could see the fire in her eyes. She was angry. 

Lexa walked towards her and guided her outside to the balcony so that nobody  could  hear them talking .

“I have no other choice. Do you understand this?”

Octavia shook her head. “That’s not fair. The others at the Ark are innocent. Doing this would break some of them. They will hate you for it!”

Lexa looked over Polis. 

“Octavia we can’t please everyone. I know it’s not fair, but at least they are alive. And the  ambassadors need the pro of that the people remaining at the Arc  won’t betray us again .”

Octavia followed Lexa’s  gaze  down  on the streets. 

“There are some who never hurt anyone before. How should I tell them what they have to do?”

Lexa turned to her. 

“You need to explain it  to  them. Explain them what the option was. How we already changed our behavior. And maybe I can help you a little bit.”

Octavia raised her eyebrow. “How?”

“You know the people. Separate them into groups and  match the groups  with the prisoners, so that no family member or friend must cut their  loved one . Make it easier for them. And I will tell the guards that you’ll take care of the  this .”

She saw how hard this was for Octavia, but there was no other option. 

“I know it’s hard, but there is no other way.” 

Octavia thought about her brother. She worried about how she  would  make him do  this . There was no  way  he would accept this. She thought a moment about telling Lexa about him, but she was  uncertain if Lexa would  understand her or  see this as a  betrayal .  So, she didn’t say anything and just nodded.

“I guess I should go now, otherwise we won’t make it on time.”

Lexa  laid her hand on Octavia’s shoulder. 

“Titus is waiting outside with a horse for you and some guards who will help you.”

Octavia shook her head. “You know it sucks to be the bad guy.” She looked at Lexa. 

“Normally it’s Clarke’s job. Remind me to apologize to her when she wakes up. I blamed her many times for some decisions she made , but now I see that she was doing the same I’m doing now.”

Lexa smiled lightly. 

“You are right. Being a leader sucks sometimes!”

Octavia couldn’t do other than share her small smile and left. 

Lexa stayed on the balcony for a while until she could see Octavia riding the horse she got, and her warriors following her. 

After a while she made her way out of the throne room and towards Clarke’s friend. She knocked at the door. 

It took him a moment to open the door. But he wasn’t surprised to see her. He took a step to the side and let her enter. 

She made her way to the small sofa in this room and set down. 

“Tell me what happened before I came to the room!”

Murphy watched her a while before sitting down on the bed . He didn’t need to ask to know that she meant the night Clarke was shot.

“Do you mean the part where this idiot tried to kill me or Clarke? ”

Lexa rolled her eyes. 

“I know you are a thieve. I’m not sure why Titus decided to torture you. Normally you would be  imprisoned .”

He interrupted her. “He wanted to get information.”

“About what ?”

Murphy laughed. “Seriously?”

Lexa didn’t like him. He was rude and too  much in  love with  himself. But he helped Clarke and  her, so she owned him something. 

She nodded. 

Murphy exhaled loudly. “Clarke! He wanted to get her away from you. And he wanted her to stay away.”

Lexa was pissed.  Titus  betrayed her. More than she had accepted. She watched Murphy who continued. 

“When he found out that there was no safe way, he used me. He knew that Clarke would safe me. And when she returned and saw me in her room, your freak decided to  shoot her. He took my weapon and wanted to shoot her with it.  A fter  all , he  plann ed to  tell everyone , that it was me do ing it. There is no way some of you would use our weapons . For me it sounded like he came up with a pretty good plan, besides the part when you came . ”

Lexa c ouldn’t  believe it. She asked Titus to leave Clarke alone. Not to harm her, and he betrayed her. She trusted him. He was the only family she had left. 

She looked at  Murphy . 

“Thank you.”

He just nodded. 

“ So, what is it, that you want in return?”

She could see him smiling. She always hated those people. He would do anything to get what he want s . She thought about asking Clarke if he’s really a friend , as soon as she would wake up. 

“I want your promise to keep me and my girlfriend safe. We want a small house, somewhere at the edge of this town and the promise that we are safe here.”

Lexa looked at him. 

“Everyone can live her. If you want a house, you’ll get one. That’s not the problem.”

Murphy shook his head. “You don’t get it. We want to be safe here!”

Lexa became impatient with him. “Everyone here is safe. I can give you the same safety as everyone else her gets. Or is there something else you are not telling me about ? Is some one looking for you?”

Murphy shook his head. It took him a moment to answer.    
“My girlfriend is a Frikdreina.”

Normally they wouldn’t be allowed in the city. She didn’t understand it, but it wa s like that for forever and she didn’t care  about it  until now.

“Is it visible?”, she asked. 

Murphy  answered, “it’s her hand!”.

Lexa took a moment. “I will allow you both to live here. I will tell my guards about her and they should treat her as everyone else.  But I would recommend hiding it. I can’t control all people of Polis and I won’t punish them if they would find out about it and make her life a living hell.”

Murphy didn’t accept more. It was all he asked for. 

“Sounds good to me!”

Lexa nodded. “Get your girl and bring her here. I want to meet her and until your house isn’t ready, you  can stay here.”

Murphy wanted to say something, but before he could open his mouth the doors were opened by some guards. 

“Heda, you need to come with us!”

Lexa seemed confused but stood up and walked towards them!

“What is it?”

“Wanheda  so don  stomba op!”  _ (Wanheda woke up) _


	13. Chapter 13: There is no room for change

Lexa walked to Clarke’s room. She was in a hurry, but she tried not to run, although it took all of her self-control not to.

When she was right in front of the door, her guards open them for her, and she entered the room.   
The first she saw was Clarke sitting upright in her bed. She was still pale, but her cheeks had a light red blush on them. Maybe from the fever her body was fighting against the last few weeks.

The next she noticed were Clarke’s hands. She was holding a glass of water with both her hands. Her hands were trembling a little bit, but she guessed that was normal, considering for how long she was unconscious. Her muscles need to regain strength.   
  


“We should talk!”, Lexa’s inspection was interrupted by Abby who was suddenly standing next to her. She lied her hand on Lexa’s shoulder to get her attention.   
  


Lexa was confused. Clarke was up again, she seemed to be fine. So, what was so important that she couldn’t talk to her first. She had so much to tell her, but she nodded and was dragged to the window in Clarke’s room, as far away from Clarke as possible.

  
Abby took a short glimpse at Clarke.

She whispered. “Clarke just woke up. Her mind needs to settle again. It will take some time for her to get back to her old self.”  
Abby’s voice was trembling, and Lexa could feel that something must be wrong. Abby seemed that she needed to convince herself first.

Lexa looked to Clarke and back to Abby. “What do you mean? She seems fine.”

Abby was holding something back. Lexa could feel it.

“Well, I’m not sure. She hit her head really bad, when she felt, and this caused her brain to swell a bit. When she was unconscious the fluids around her brain started to put a lot of pressure on it.”

Lexa didn’t understand anything Abby was telling her, but it sounded really serious. Yet it didn’t make any sense to her.

Clarke was awake. How could it be still bad then.

Abby could see the confusion in Lexa’s eyes, and she continued.

“She lost a part of her short memory. Clarke’s not remembering the last few weeks.”

Now it clicked. “Weeks?”, Lexa asked. It was more to herself than to Abby. But Abby nodded.

That meant that Clarke don’t remember the whole time she was here in Polis. The time they spent to rebuild their relationship. Everything they went through. Nothing.

Lexa stared into the void.

She didn’t know what to say or do. She expected a lot, but not that.

“Will her memory come back?”  
  


Abby had a sad look on her face. “I don’t know. Sometimes it returns and sometimes not. But you could try and help her to remember. Talk to her. Mention some things that have happened when she was here. Tell her about different things. Most of the times, it helps.”

Lexa looked back to Clarke.

Clarke was watching her since she entered the room. But why didn’t she say anything yet.   
  
Lexa felt unsure of herself and what to do.   
Abby could fell it. She put her hand on Lexa’s arm.   
“I’ll give you two some time. Just try it, she’ll tell you if she has enough. But don’t force anything! It’ll take time!”

Abby gave her a small smile and left the room.

Lexa was still standing at the window. She watched Abby leaving and how the doors were closed. Somehow the doors suddenly seemed very interesting to her. She starred at them for a while, just to avoid the unpleasant situation.

After a while she took all her strength together and looked at Clarke who was still watching her. Their eyes met and Lexa felt a cold shimmer running down her spine.

She had so many dreams of how their first meeting would be when Clarke woke up again, but none of them were as cold as it was now.   
  


Lexa took a few steps towards the bed. She needed to make the first step. She needed to know where they are standing at.

When she stood at the end of the bed she stopped. She left Clarke some space and looked at her again.

“How are you feeling?”, she asked. It wouldn’t be a good idea to push it too far.

Clarke looked at her. Her eyes were full of hate and anger, but she was feeling too weak and tired to do much. She would have preferred to be back in Arkadia with her friends and mother. But she had no choice right now. Her mother had told her what have happened, but it didn’t make any sense to her. But she knew it wouldn’t be good to cut Lexa off, at least not now. A lot seemed to have happened the last few weeks and for Lexa the memories were still there. But for her, it was like none of it had happened.

“My head aches and every muscle feels sore!”, she answered with a neutral tone.

Lexa was relieved. For a few moments she accepted Clarke not answering her.   
“I’m glad to hear that.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Not much has changed, has it?”

  
“What do you mean?”, Lexa didn’t know what she did wrong.

Clarke shook her head lightly. “You still like to see me suffer!”

Lexa was shocked. “No, not at all. I meant it’s good that you feel something again”, she had problems finding the right words.

Clarke exhaled annoyed, what made Lexa even more unsure of herself. She said quietly.

“You gave me a hard time. There were a few moments I thought you wouldn’t make it. I was afraid of losing you!”

It was out. She kept it to herself for too long. Clarke needed to her that.

Lexa saw that Clarke didn’t accepted this. She stared at her for a while, and Lexa could see that her eyes lightened up a little, but just for a few seconds. When Clarke started speaking again, the light was gone, and the anger was back.

“You lost me a long time ago! Well for me it feels like yesterday, but for you it must be a long time. But I think you remember the night at Mount Weather. The night you chose to abandon me there? The night you betrayed me and my people?”

Lexa looked to the ground. They were there again. She remembered how hard it was to get Clarke’s trust back. How long it took for her to forgive her.

“I’m sorry Clarke! I really am!”, she looked back at Clarke.

Clarke smirked lightly and shook her head. “Yeah sure. I’m not sure what have happened here. What happened that I forgave you, but right now I don’t see any chance that this will happen again. I’m thankful for your help, but as soon as I’m better, we’ll leave. For good!”

Lexa was frozen. The cold and hate in Clarke’s voice hurt her more, than she’d accepted it to.

“But Clarke, you have to believe me, I had no other choice. But if we would stand there today, I’d choose you first. I promise!”

She couldn’t lose her again. If Clarke leaves, she knew there was no chance for them.

Clarke watched her for a moment. She could feel, that Lexa was telling the truth. But the pain she felt back at Mount Weather was still too fresh. She trusted Lexa. She chose her over her people. She fought for her, she tried to convince her people to trust her, but she betrayed her anyway. After all they been through together.   
She couldn’t deal with her right now. Her head started aching again really bad and this conversation, her feelings, Lexa’s sad look were just too much for her.

“You should leave now. I need some time to think about some things!”

Lexa felt so much. Somehow it felt like when she lost Costia, just that Clarke was still here. But this wasn’t her Clarke anymore and she didn’t see a way to get her back.

She nodded lightly.

  
“Your mom told me to tell you some things that happened when you were here. Maybe they would help you to remember. If you feel ready to, just ask!”

Clarke wasn’t sure if she wanted to. A lot seemed to have happened and from Lexa’s look it seemed to be pretty intense. She wasn’t ready for those memories. Not, yet.

Clarke nodded. “If I’m ready, maybe I will. Goodbye, Heda!”

It felt like a real goodbye, not a goodbye for now. Lexa turned around without another word and stormed out of the room. Not carrying if someone would see her or not. She was hurt and angry.

Lexa ran to her room and slammed the door behind her.

  
She stopped at her bathroom and felt to the ground. She was breathing heavily and mumbled to herself.

“Not again. You should have known better than this Lexa. First Costia, now Clarke.”

She could feel some tears on her cheeks, and she wiped them away, but it didn’t help. The next were following.   
Every time she let someone in, her heart got broken. Why should it be different this time? She is Heda and it seemed that feelings don’t do this job any good.

Lexa heard a voice in her head. It was far away, but she could hear it as clearly as if someone was standing next to her. “They make you weak. They distract you. If you won’t be more careful, they will kill you. They want your power. So, keep yourself together and get your revenge. Let them suffer. Everyone that tries to hurt you, need to get hurt, too. Jus drein jus daun!”

Lexa was listening to the voice. The commanders in her head helped her a lot of times before. They wanted to help her, and it seemed they were the only one she could trust.

It took her a while, but she managed to control her breathing again and her tears stopped.

Lexa stood up and freshen up. When she was returning to her room, it got really dark outside. She totally lost track of time, but she didn’t care.

Lexa left her room and said to one of the guards.

“Get the ambassadors and get Titus to the throne room right now! We have business that has to be done!”

Her voice was full of power and strength, just as it was before those damn Sky people came to her earth and tried to change everything.

She made her way to the empty throne room and sat down.

That’s enough. There is no room for change. Everything was just fine before they came and it will be again, Lexa swore to herself and the commanders in her head.


	14. Chapter 14: The Punishment

Lexa was sitting on her throne and watched the ambassadors entering the throne room one by one. Any of them bowed lightly in front of her to show her their respect, although she knew that they weren’t happy, she ordered them in spontaneously that late. But she didn’t care. There was business to be done and she waited for this one long enough.

The last to enter was Titus, who was followed by two of her guards she sent to bring him. Titus was making his way up next to her throne when Lexa stood up and raised her hand to stop him.   
“Stay down there! Right in the middle!” Her voice was cold and harsh, but she didn’t care.   
She could see Titus’s confusion, although he must know what was coming next.

The ambassadors otherwise didn’t and seemed even more confused. They were watching the nervous-looking Titus, standing right in front of them.

“I thank you all for coming. I know it’s late but it’s something that has to be done!”, Lexa continued, and all eyes were on her again. She didn’t think that through, her emotions let her to this moment. And they will guide her through this one too.

“There was an incident last few days ago and I didn’t have time to take care of it until now!”

She looked around and tried to not look at Titus. She needed to get this done and not wait another week. He meant a lot to her. He raised her and helped her through a lot of hard times, but what he has done can’t be excused. He betrayed her, he tried to kill Clarke and although he didn’t succeed, he still took her from her.

“We have an intruder around us! Someone who used his position and tried to betray me and also you!”, she heard the ambassadors whispering. She continued with her emotionless voice, so they won’t see how much his action hurt her.

“A few days ago, Titus tried to kill Klark kom Skaikru! She didn’t do anything wrong. It would have been an act of cold murderer only to make things easier for him. Besides that, he wanted to use a gun. A weapon we would never use, just to fool me, us, to believe it was someone from their kru!”

She stopped to give the ambassadors some time to process everything she just said.

Some of them were still unsure what to think about all of that, but others looked at Titus. Their disgust was evident.

“The worst is yet to come.” She walked towards the steps and finally looked at Titus. His head was bowed, and he looked at the floor.

“He fired the gun multiple times and the last bullet would have hit me if Klark kom Skaikru hadn't saved me! She jumped in front of me and got hit by the bullet! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be standing here right now.”

The ambassadors were shocked. Knowing that Lexa would nearly have been killed, terrified them. They weren’t always on the same side with her, but she was a good Heda and they liked her. She was better than the one before and at the moment there was no Natblida, that would be better than her. They knew that.

Lexa felt her emotions coming through again. She felt sorry for Titus, she knew he didn’t mean to harm her. He wanted to help her not to lose her track, but his way of doing this was wrong.

“Thankfully Klark kom Skaikru survived. She is still recovering, and it will take some time until she is herself again!”

It wasn’t true, she will probably never be herself again. She won’t be her Clarke again. But they didn’t need to know the details.

“As you know those acts were crimes, that must be punished.”

This was the moment their full attention was back on her.

“It took me some time to think this through. There were multiple circumstances to consider, but I came to a conclusion I want to tell you about!”

Lexa nodded towards her guards, who went forward and stood behind Titus.

“There is no way I can ever trust him again and that I nearly lost my life showed me that I need to show everyone that those acts won’t be tolerated here anymore. Not as long as I’m Heda!”

  
She didn’t wait for any confirmation or objections.

“He will be punished with Pike and the other Skaikru trespassers. He will get his punishment by Klark's family and friends and in the end, I will end his life!”

Everyone seemed shocked, even her guards. She knew it was harsh and maybe too strict, but they didn’t know what he took from her.

Lexa looked at Titus, who finally looked up. His eyes were wide opened in disbelief.

“Isn’t this the way you always tried to teach me, Titus?”  
She tried to maintain strong and hide her emotions. She was angry, frustrated, and also sad, all at the same time and it took all herself control not to lose it. But she couldn’t hide a small smile. A smile of satisfaction of finally getting her revenge. She knew it wouldn’t bring Clarke back to her, but at least it would help her to get over it.

“Lead with my head and not my heart? So now you will be the final lesson! The lesson to teach me that Jus drein jus daun will always be the only true punishment!”

She gave her guards a sign and they took Titus out of the room. She could hear Titus bagging to rethink her decision. That he didn’t mean to hurt her. But she didn’t care. 

She listened to his voice getting quieter until the room was silent again.

One of the ambassadors interrupted the silence. 

“Heda the punishment seems right for anyone committing these crimes, but Titus isn’t anyone. He’s the Fleimkepa. If you kill him, we won’t have any.”

She knew he was right, and she already thought about this. It was something she wanted to talk to Indra about, but she wanted to wait until Octavia’s return. She needed to help Indra find the next Fleimkepa.

Lexa had heard some rumors about a potential candidate for this position, but she wanted to hear Indra's opinion on this first.

“Don’t worry about that. I already have a worthy replacement for him. As soon as the next Fleimkepa will be here, he will be introduced to you. Until then I should try not to die.”   
She smirked lightly, but her little joke didn’t lighten the mood in the room.

“Well if that’s all, you are allowed to leave for today.” She turned her back to them and walked out on her balcony.

She listened to the footsteps leaving the room. But there was one coming closer to her. She turned around and saw Marcus Kane standing next to her.

“May I speak to you for a moment?”, he asked.

She always admired his respect. It seemed he was the only Skaikru person who knew how to behave in front of her. She nodded lightly.

“Do you think this is a good idea?”

Lexa already expected this question to come from him. He didn’t like their way of punishment and he tried to show her a different way. Just like Clarke did.

“I know what you are trying to do Kane, but there is no way I will rethink my decision! His actions are inexcusable. Titus served three commanders before me, and from what the commanders told me he did well, but what he did to me, to Clarke, even shocked them.”

Marcus still didn’t understand how this communication thing between the Heda and the other commanders worked, but it wasn’t the right time to ask her about this.

“I know what he did wasn’t right, but I think Clarke wouldn’t want this. You know how she thinks about this!”, he knew Clarke was the only option to change her mind.

Lexa shook her head. “Clarke isn’t in a condition to decide what she wants or not, right now. Also, she couldn’t change my decision. I have to show my people that I’m not weak and that I don’t care who betrays me, everyone trying to will be punished. No matter how close he or she is to me!”

Marcus exhaled louder than he meant to.

“But Heda, I know you are hurt and worried. We will never end the cycle of violence if you continue!”

Lexa looked at him. He went too far. “Don’t you dare to try to question my decisions!”

“Abby told me about Clarke and yours’ relationship. I know you care for her and the loss of her memories must have been hard for you. But there is still a chance she will get her memories back. Right now, she still hates you just like after Mount Weather, but after that, you managed to change her mind. Do you think that if you kill him, she will change her opinion about you or give you another chance?”

Lexa got angry. That was too much for her. No one was allowed to talk to her like he did. Although she knew he was right. The truth hurt, especially if it was spoken out loud. But Clarke made clear she wanted to leave as soon as possible, so why should she care.

“Kane, I know you mean it well, but you shouldn’t talk to me like that. I know exactly what I’m doing and when I make a decision, I stand by it. So, stop questioning me and accept it. You may leave now!”

  
Lexa turned around and watched the lights in the city. She had enough for today. Too much have happened, and she needed some time to sort her thoughts. 

Kane struggled with himself, but decided it would be wiser to leave her, at least for now.

When she was alone, she finally allowed herself to take her guard off. She exhaled and tried to manage her emotions. Kane was right, but it wasn’t his business or any others. She was the commander and it was her business to handle them.

Lexa got lost in her thoughts, she listened to the commanders in her head arguing about her decision. Although she didn’t care about their opinion, it was better than handle her emotions right now.

Clarke was checked by Abby again.

“Mom I’m fine.” Clarke got annoyed. It was like the tenth time in the last hour, that Abby checked her temperature.

“You lost a lot of blood, your circulation isn’t stable. I just want to make sure that you won’t lose consciousness again!”

Clarke watched her mom, she had some terrible bags under her eyes and she looked really tired. It seemed she didn’t sleep for a while, but there was still something else.

“Mom, what is it?”

Abby checked the bandages over the bullet wound and looked up.   
“What do you mean, honey?”

Her voice was full of love, but the concerns were still unmistakable.

“Mom I know you. Something is bothering you, and it’s not only your concern about my health. So tell me!”

Abby finished with the bandages and sat next to her daughter. She smiled lightly.   
“You are so much like your dad. I couldn’t hide anything from him, because he could see right through me. Just like you.”

Clarke watched her mom and lied her hand on hers and Abby continued.

“Don’t you think you were a little harsh on Lexa?”

Clarke expected a lot, but not this. The last time she remembered, her mom hated Lexa.

A lot must have happened in the last few weeks that her mom changed her mind.

Clarke shook her head.

“Mom, I don’t remember the last weeks. I still hate her for Mount Weather and I can’t forget it.”

Abby smiled lightly. “But you forgave her once, maybe you will try to do it again.”

Clarke didn’t understand why her mom was on Lexa’s side.

“Why do you care so much about it. About her? I thought you would be happy to have me back at the Ark?”

This conversation didn’t make any sense to her. Her mom would have done anything to keep her at her side. She wasn’t happy about her leaving the Ark and staying here in Polis. And now she tried to convince her to stay. It was just confusing.

“Honey, I know it’s hard not to remember anything, but it’s also hard to remember. You are important to her. She didn’t tell me what happened between you two, but she risked a lot to get me here. She was terrified to lose you. I saw a side of her, a side full of love and compassion. You told me about this side of her, but I didn’t believe it until I saw it myself.”

“She was terrified? Terrified to lose me?”, Clarke didn’t intend to ask this loudly. She got angry, but this time not at Lexa, rather on herself. It was hard not to remember. She wanted to but when she was trying, she only got headaches.

“Clarke, I know you are angry, but maybe you will give her a chance? Ask her to tell you some things that happen why you were here. Maybe let her tell you how you returned. Let her tell you about every single day you spent here and maybe you will remember some of it again.”

Clarke thought about it. Although she didn’t want to talk to Lexa, maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to remember some things again. Not only what has happened between Lexa and her, although the other memories that might be useful someday.

She nodded lightly.

“I’ll think about it, mom. But I’m tired now. It was a long day.”

Abby nodded understanding and kissed her on the forehead.   
“If something is wrong, I’m in the room next to yours. Sleep well!”

Clarke watched her mom left.

She knew her mom was right, at least she had to try. But it was already dark outside, and Lexa would sleep by now. It wouldn't be a good idea to bother her right now, with all the problems she had to handle right now. 

Clarke closed her eyes and tried to get some rest. Her body still hurt a lot, but her brain was working like it was before. There were so many thoughts, so many questions, that kept her from getting some rest. 

Slowly she stood up and took her time. She was a bit dizzy, but that was normally, considering for how long she was lying in bed. 

Some of her clothes were still in the wardrobe next to the bed and she put a jeans and a wide sweatshirt on, that wouldn't irritate her wound. 

Clarke took one step after another, taking her time not to lose her balance. There were guards in front of her room, who were really surprised seeing her on her feet. 

"Wanheda is everything alright? Your mother told us you should stay in bed!", one of them asked. 

Clarke just nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking about something. May you tell me where I can find the commander's room?"

The guards exchanged looks, but the other one pointed at the end of the hell. 

"The last door! Should we bring you there?"

Clarke just shook her head lightly, not to cause another headache again. She walked slowly and focused on her steps until she was standing in front of the door. 

What the hell was she doing? That was a really dumb idea. Clarke exhaled and knocked. 

It was silent and she knocked again. 

She guessed Lexa wasn't in her room. Otherwise her guards would be standing in front of her room. 

Clarke looked back to the guards in front of her doors, who were whispering with each other and she slipped into Lexa's room. 

It was dark, just a few candles were burning around the room. She looked around, but Lexa wasn't there. Maybe it was a good opportunity to try to remember by herself. 

She looked around and tried to remember anything, but every bit of this room seemed new to her. Maybe she wasn't in this room before. It's Lexa's bedroom. I private place. What should she have done here anyway? 

Suddenly Clarke felt weak. Her legs started to tremble again, and she managed to get herself to the couch, before her legs gave up on her. 

It was so typical. Couldn't she fall on the corridor, where the guards would help her back. Maybe they would hear her if she would scream. 

Clarke was thinking about her options when she noticed a familiar drawing on the small table in front of the couch. She took it and recognized her style of drawing, but she didn't remember drawing it. 

The drawing showed a peaceful sleeping Lexa. It wasn't finished, like if she got interrupted while drawing it and it also had some dried drops on it. 

She was sure it was her drawing, she must made it in the past few weeks. So, she was in this room and they were close. Otherwise Lexa wouldn't have sleep while she was with her. 

The anger raised in her again. "Damn it, damn it, damn it. Just remember again." Clarke hit herself against her forehead and regretted it immediately, when the pain in her head returned. Her vision got blurry again and she hated herself for coming to this room. She knew she would need to explain why she came here. But for now, she needed to rest. 

It got dark in front of her eyes and Clarke fall asleep on Lexa's couch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking to long to upload new chapters, but I'm really busy at the moment.   
> My last final will be on October 21st, after that I'll update this story more frequently.   
> But thank you for your many nice messages and comments.   
> I have a lot of planned for Clarke and Lexa and I want to take my time to write it with more details, just like they deserve it.


	15. Chapter 15: "Reshop, heda!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I 'm sorry guys. 
> 
> The chapter took me longer than expected.  
> I was busy with my last exam, but as an apology, the chapter got longer than the other ones. 
> 
> With more free time now I'm planning to make the following chapters longer, but for that, I will only update once every one or two weeks.

Lexa left the throne room after a while, she lost track of time, but when she felt the tiredness rise in her she noticed how late it was. 

She made her way back to her room. 

So much has happened today, and she still was processing everything. It was hard to decide which way she was going to take. Her heart told her to fight for Clarke and for the way of peace both of them planned to take. The other side told her to stop all of that and keep going as she did before. Like most commanders before her did. 

It was dark in her room when she entered, only some candles were still burning, just as she liked it. But something was different. She could feel it. Someone was in her room. 

Lexa took out her little knife and looked around. It took her a while before she noticed the person lying on her couch. The body raised slowly up and down, she assumed the person fell asleep while waiting for her. 

She took some steps towards this person, but it didn’t take much to recognize her.   
Clarke looked so peaceful lying there. Lexa felt the warmth raised in her and she put her knife back. 

What was Clarke doing in her room?   
She made it pretty clear that she needed her space and only moments later, she was here in her room, sleeping on her couch. 

Lexa kneed next to the couch and checks her. Maybe she lost consciousness again. Maybe she should get Abby.   
Slowly Lexa laid her hand on Clarke's forehead. It seemed her temperature felt again. She felt a bit cold, but that wasn’t that unusual. Her windows were opened, and the room cooled down.

Lexa stood up and took the blanket off her bed and laid it carefully over Clarke, so she wouldn’t wake up.   
Seconds later Clarke cuddled herself into the blanket and grumbled something Lexa couldn’t understand. But she couldn’t hide a little smile.   
It felt good to have her back in her room. 

Lexa sneaked quietly into her bathroom and changed into more comfortable clothes and made herself comfortable in the armchair, across from the couch Clarke was sleeping on. 

She was watching her, trying not to fell asleep. This time was precious, and she didn’t know if she would ever have this again. So, she needed to take every moment in. 

Hours past and the sun started rising again. 

Lexa didn’t sleep at all and she knew it will be a difficult day. A lot had to be done and she wouldn’t return until late that night. But this was worth it.   
She snuggled into the armchair, her head was resting on her arm, that way lying on the arm of the armchair. 

She was so lost in her thoughts and memories; she didn’t recognize Clarke has opened her eyes and was watching her.   
After a while, Clarke slowly sat up and Lexa smiled lightly.   
“Oh hey. I hope I didn’t wake you up, did I?” Lexa tried to not make a big deal out of this. 

Clarke watched her and shook her head lightly, while she was trying to cuddle even more into the blanket. She didn’t remember taking it.

“No. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep in your room or even take your things.”  
Nodding to the blanket.

Clarke looked around. This room felt so known to her but somehow it wasn’t. 

“You didn’t take it. When I came back you seemed to freeze, and I gave it to you. I mean you survived, so I wouldn’t let you freeze to death now.”   
Lexa continued smiling lightly and Clarke shared the small smile. 

“That would be pretty shitty, wouldn’t it?” Clarke said. It felt right to be here in the room with her. She appreciated Lexa not asking her why she was here.

Both didn’t know what to say and a comfortable silence was in the room. 

But it was interrupted by a loud banging at the door. 

Lexa turned her head towards the door. “Come inside!”, she was irritated. None of her guards would knock like this, but when Abby entered the room it was clear to her. 

“I’m sorry Lexa, but did you see”, she stopped when she saw Clarke sitting on the couch and Lexa across from her. 

“Well, I guess you found her”, Lexa said. 

Lexa liked the way Abby was carrying for her daughter. It must be nice to have a family as Clarke has. Lexa didn’t remember much of her own. She was taken early from her parents. She never got to know this way of living. 

Abby was walking towards Clarke and set next to her. As soon as she sat down, she started checking Clarke’s wounds.   
Clarke rolled her eyes in annoyance and looked to Lexa, forming a “Sorry” with her lips. 

“Clarke I was looking for you, but you weren’t in your bed and your sheets were cold. I told you to stay in bed. You are not supposed to walk around for very long. I was afraid that something might have happened to you. When did you leave? Why did you leave?”

Abby was questioning Clarke so aggressively she couldn’t answer any question. Lexa could see Clarke struggling to find the right excuse, to not get into trouble. 

“I’m sorry Abby, but I think it was my fault. I visited Clarke this morning and we decided to come here to my room because it’s much warmer here. But I assure you she wasn’t walking a lot. My guards helped her.”

Clarke was impressed by how calm Lexa’s voice was while she was lying straight to her mother’s face. But she was thankful for her lie. She couldn’t manage another fight with her mother right now. 

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Abby seemed confused but didn’t question it anymore.   
“I guess then it was alright, but I would appreciate it if Clarke would return to her bed now. I need to change her bandages and check her.”

Lexa nodded lightly and called for her guards. 

“Mom, I need to talk to Lexa. I’ll follow in a minute, ok?”  
Abby looked to Lexa and back to Clarke and just nodded. “I get all things ready, but please hurry up.” 

Lexa watched Abby leaving and turned to Clarke, who stood up and walked a few small steps towards Lexa. She whispered. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about that. Your mom was just afraid. I understand her, but there was no reason to make a huge thing out of that.”

What did she mean? How would someone like Lexa understand her mother?  
Clarke looked at her and wanted to ask her, but she accepted her mom to come back any second. So she decided to save it for later.   
Suddenly she felt uncomfortable and unsure of her decision to try to remember again. 

“Would you visit me later?”

Lexa didn’t accept this, well she also didn’t accept finding her sleeping in her room, but maybe that was a good sign.   
She tried to hide her excitement and nodded lightly.   
“I have a lot to do today, but I’m free in the evening. I’ll let my cooks make us dinner and I’ll visit you in your room?”

Clarke took her moment before answering. “Sounds good to me. I see you then.”

She didn’t wait for anything else to be said and let the guards help her back to her room, where her mom was already waiting for her.   
To her surprise, she wasn’t asking her anymore about her trip to Lexa’s room.   
She just checked for her wounds and told her about the things Kane told her about the meeting Lexa held the day before. 

Lexa waited a moment to think about what just have happened and got ready.   
When she left her room, she sent one of her guards to tell Murphy she was waiting for him outside of the tower.   
She promised him a place to live and now was a good time to look for a place before this place would be crowded for the executions. 

She made her way outside of the tower and was followed by two of her guards. Outside some of her people whispered when they saw her. The rumor about the execution of Titus must be spread fast. But she didn't expect anything else. 

It was a big deal to kill the Fleimkepa. 

Lexa got torn out of her thoughts by something pulling on her leg. 

A little girl, no older than maybe five or six years was trying to get her attention.   
The guards were unsure what to do with this little girl. She wasn't a threat to the commander, she was just a little child, but no one was allowed to touch the commander without her permission. 

Lexa showed her guards that it was alright and she kneeled to be on the same height as the little girl. She seemed a little bit shy, but she had a fire in her eyes which showed her strong mind. Her mother came running to them. 

"Moba, Heda!" (I'm sorry Commander).   
But Lexa held her hand up to show her that it's fine. She gave the little girl a small smile. To most people, she seemed cold and terrifying but she wanted her people to see that she wasn't that bad.   
The little girl struggled a bit, but then she found her courage again and handed Lexa two small bracelets made out of flowers. "For you Heda and Wanheda!"

Lexa looked at those bracelets. They were handmade, maybe by that little girl herself. She took them and looked at them.   
"They are really beautiful. Thank you. Did you make them yourself?" 

She nodded enthusiastically.   
"Yes, and I also picked the flowers on my own."

"You did a great job."

Those words were everything this girl needed to hear. She smiled from one ear to the other.   
"Mommy told me that Wanheda got hurt by a bad man."   
She turned her head and looked to her mom, who was trying to get her daughter to stop talking, to avoid getting into trouble.   
"I hope she gets well soon."

Lexa looked to the little girl's mother. She was dressed poorly and her face couldn't hide the tiredness. Life wasn't easy for them, that was clear, but it was nice to see how passionate and kind this little girl was.  
She laid her hand on the cheek of the little girl.  
"She's feeling better already. And I promise you if she'll strong enough again we'll come to visit you. She needs to meet the little girl who made this beautiful bracelet."  
The girl smiled and ran back to her mom, who sent her back inside.   
Lexa showed her to come to her. 

The girl's mother came to her and looked straight to the ground. "I'm sorry, Heda. I'll make sure to teach her better next time. She's still young and doesn't understand the rules, yet!"

Lexa let her talk out. When she finished she just shook her head lightly and raised herself again.   
"There is no need to apologize. She's a strong young girl, who lightened my mood."  
Lexa looked at the bracelets.   
"Is there anything you need? I want to give you and your daughter something in return!"

Her people were loyal to her and never asked for something in return, but she wanted to help them as good as possible, to make their lives better. 

The girl's mother shook her head and finally looked up.   
"No, Heda. Thank you, but we have everything we need."

They were shy, Lexa knew that, but they were no need to keep it from her.   
"Well, if there is nothing specific that you need, I'll make sure you get some extra food today."  
This was the least she could offer them and it seemed that was exactly what most of her people needed.  
The woman smiled lightly.   
"Thank you, Heda. That's too kind of you."

Lexa nodded and dismissed her.   
She watched her return to her house, where the little girl was standing at the door and waving passionately to Lexa.   
Lexa waved back. This little girl reminded her so much of herself when she was younger. 

She turned to her guards and let one of them bring the bracelets to her bedroom and gave him the order to bring the family some food that will feed them for the following weeks.   
When he left, she saw Abby standing at the entrance of the tower, watching her. Their eyes met and Lexa made her way to her. 

Abby smiled lightly. "She's a cute kid."  
Lexa stood in front of her. "She is but she has a lot to learn. But anyway. Is everything alright? Is something with Clarke?"

Abby shook her head. "No, she's fine. Her little trip was a bit exhausting and she is sleeping now."  
She nodded. "My mother always told me that sleep is the best medicine!"

Abby looked at her in a way, she couldn't understand, but she also didn't dare to ask.   
"Well, your mom was right. It helps a lot. But actually, I was looking for you."

Lexa raised one of her eyebrows. "For me? You found me, so how can I help you?"

This woman confused her, just like her daughter did. 

"Your healers told me about some illnesses of your people and asked me for advice. Our medicine is a bit different from yours and they don't know how to cure them with your medicine. I wanted to ask you for your permission to go and look at those people. And maybe help the."

Lexa thought about it for a moment. Some of her people were afraid of the sky people and of their ways, she wasn't sure how they would react towards Abby. But there was no doubt her healers could learn a lot from her and maybe she from them.  
"This seems to be a good idea, but I would love to send the healers and one guard with you. The people might be afraid of you or maybe of me. They should tell them that I accomplice of this."

"Sure, I understand this. Thank you."  
Lexa nodded and sent another guard with her. 

Just at this moment, Murphy appeared at the entrance of the tower.   
He was pretending to be cool like always. "You asked for me, commander?"

Lexa started to walk through the streets, heading towards the forest.  
He hurried to catch up with her and walked beside her.

"We should look for the place you like your house to be built. Has your girl already arrived?"  
This question made him uncomfortable, she could feel it.

"Ehm, yeah, but she's still sleeping. It was a tough day and I decided to let her sleep in today."  
"I hope she won't bother not deciding with you, where you want to live then!"  
Murphy shook his head. "She'll be happy to have a roof above her head!"

She seemed to have had a tough life, she was curious about her and wanted to meet her. They made their way to the end of town and walked on the edge of the forest until they found a place that wasn't too far away from the city but not too close either. 

Murphy talked without a break and Lexa listened to him. Most of the things he told her were total rubbish, she could sense a lie, but at that moment she didn't care about it. He was a thieve, as was his girl, but he was also Clarke's friend, so she didn't see him like a thread. At least not for now. Besides he helped her when she didn't know whom she should trust. 

When they returned she gave the order to prepare for the construction of the house. If everything would work out the way they planned, the house would be ready in the following months. Until then Murphy and his girl were welcomed at her tower. She spent so many years without any company there, besides her guards and the ambassadors. It would be a pleasant distraction to have different people around. 

One of her guards was already waiting impatiently for her. When she turned to him, he told her that Okteivia kom Skaikru returned with the rest of the sky people and that she was waiting for her in the throne room. 

Lexa exhaled and looked up to the sky. The sun was already at his highest point. Half of the day already past and she still had so much to get done. But now that Oktavia was back, she could handle some of her problems for her.   
She thanked the guard and made her way to the throne room.

Oktavia was standing alone in this huge room and Lexa decided that there was no need for her guards to protect her at the moment so that they should wait outside and rest.   
The moment she entered the room, Oktavia turned towards her. Lexa could see the exhaustion in her face. it looked like she didn't sleep in days. Oktavia took her new position seriously. 

"Oktavia, I'm glad you’re back." She walked to the stairs in front of her throne, sat down, and showed Oktavia to do the same. 

"We just returned a few minutes ago. Lincoln took care of the other Skaikru people and found some places for them to stay." She said and sat down next to Lexa. 

Lexa nodded.   
"Just tell me if there is anything else they need and I'll take care of it! The execution is set for tomorrow evening, but until then we still have a lot to do and I need your help for that!"  
Oktavia looked at her. "Is it about Titus?" 

She already heard what had happened. Kane told her about that on the radio and Lincoln explained to her, what kind of big deal it is.   
Lexa nodded again. 

"He will die tomorrow too, but I need someone to take his place. The Fleimkepa is important when I die. He needs to be familiar with the procedure and he needs to care for the Natblidas. I don't want this position to be unoccupied for too long. We need to be prepared!"

Oktavia wasn't familiar with this whole procedure yet. Lincoln and Indra told her already a lot, but it was still strange to her.   
"Do you have someone who could take this position?"  
Lexa looked at her. 

"I have someone in mind, but I need your help to find this person. Her name is Gaia, she's Indra's daughter."  
Oktavia was shocked. She didn't know Indra had a daughter, she never mentioned her. Lexa continued.   
"But I have no idea where she is and I didn't have a chance to talk to Indra yet. I would ask you to go and find Indra, explain to her what I just told you, and then go and find her. But you need to return before the execution so we can present Gaia as the new Fleimkepa to the people!"  
Lexa wasn't sure if Gaia would take this offer, but what Indra told her, it would be what Gaia always wanted.

Oktavia nodded. "Of course, I'll go and look for her immediately."  
Lexa took her arm to prevent her from leaving.   
"There is something else I want to talk to you about!"

Octavia looked at Lexa's hand on her arm and back to her.   
"Clarke woke up!"

Oktavia's eyes lightened up in relief. "She did? That is great news. How is she ?"

Lexa shook her head.   
"She's fine, well kind of. Her body is healing and she is already able to walk and talk again, but she lost her memories."  
The pain was visible in Lexa's eyes.   
Oktavia needed to process the news.

"She lost her memories? What do you mean?"  
Lexa took a moment to regain her strength again. "She doesn't remember the last few weeks. The last thing she remembers is how you freed your people from Mount Weather and returned to the Ark. She knows she left you there and lived in the forest for some time, but that's it!"

It took Octavia several seconds to process it until it made click.  
"Damn, I'm sorry Lexa. That sucks. I mean, ehm, that's shit."

Lexa nodded. "Mhm, but Abby hopes she'll get her memories back after some time. But you know Clarke, she's resentful."  
Oktavia nodded. "Oh yeah, she is. But you know she is also really strong, I'm sure she'll be her old self again."  
Lexa liked that positive site about Oktavia. Seeing the best in the worst was a good thing. 

"I hope so, but you should really go and find Indra now. It'll be dark soon and we don't have much time left."  
Oktavia nodded and left immediately. 

After a while, Lexa decided it was finally time to face her demons.  
She was escorted by her guards out of the building and towards the chambers. 

It was a filthy place. Cold and dark, in the tunnels that ran under the streets of the Polis.   
No one would spend their time there if they mustn’t, so it was the best place to keep their prisoners, to make their life even more miserable than it already was. 

Even so, Titus was sentenced to death, she made sure, that he got the best chamber of them all. It had a normal bed and a small table and chair, also some candles were set up for him, to make it a bit more comfortable. 

Titus was sitting at the table and wrote on a piece of paper, he didn’t even look up when the door was opened. Only when Lexa told her guards to wait outside, he raised his head and stood up immediately. He bowed in respect and it hurt her to see that he was still so loyal to her. 

“You may sit again!”, she told him and sat down on the other free chair. 

He waited until she sat down and did so too.   
“Heda, I’m sorry for what I have done. I never meant to hurt you. You know that!” 

Lexa needed all her courage not to show her emotions, also he knew he could see right through her. He always could. 

“I know Titus. But you also know that it had to be done! Your actions can’t be left unpunished and by punishing you then others will see that no one will be pardoned.”

Titus looked at him and smiled lightly.   
“It makes me proud to see, what an incredibly strong person you have become, Heda.”

He confused her. Every other person would bag for his life, but not him. He still respected her and her decisions. 

“Titus, it wasn’t a decision I made easily. I don’t want to do this. I don’t. But you broke so many laws. You nearly killed her!”  
She was fighting to keep her facade up. Inside she was broking apart. He was her only family all the years. He was like a father, a friend, a loyal servant to her. She never trusted anyone as she did him. 

“Heda, you need to stay strong! I understand your decision. Pardon me now, would only show your weakness. But you have to keep that in mind. Even when you with her! She makes you weak. She will cost you your life!”

Lexa exhaled. He didn’t get it and she knew there was no need to argue about that. 

“You made me strong, Titus. But you also showed me that it’s sometimes better to listen to your gut feeling. Even if it’s risky.”

She stood up and so did he. It was an awkward moment for both of them.   
Lexa wasn’t sure what the right procedure for this moment was. Her head told her to leave now, for good, her heart screamed at her to not make a decision she would probably regret.   
To Titus’s surprise, Lexa took a step forward and hugged him. She hugged him as if it was the most important thing in the world. He was her strength in all the years and leaving him now, frightened her.   
After a moment, he hugged her too. He knew this need for shelter and protection from the younger Natblidas. Those who were separated from their families and felt homesick.   
Lexa was one of those children long ago, but she grew out of it fast and she didn’t ask for any kind of comfort since then.   
He whispered, so only she could hear him.   
“Lexa, I’m not angry with you and I don’t fear death. But I’m afraid that something might happen to you. So please, always remember my teachings. Stay strong and always let your people with the kind of passion and wisdom you did before they came to our earth!”

Then he released her from the hug and pushed her towards the door.   
When Lexa looked back to him, he was sitting on the chair and continued with the letter he wrote when she entered.   
It broke her heart, but he was right. It must be done.   
She turned around and left without another look back.

Clarke watched the sun went down from her balcony.   
Her mother had her lay in bed the whole day, but now she was out with Kane, also a strange thing she didn’t remember, but as long as he kept her mother distracted she hadn’t any problem with this, and she used the opportunity to finally get out of bed. 

The people on the streets started to head back to their homes and the crowded streets started to get empty and silence again.   
Clarke started to wonder when Lexa would finally come to her, as she promised she would. 

She knew she was busy. The commander was needed everywhere and for everything, especially with the execution coming up tomorrow.   
Her mother told her about it and she still wasn’t sure what to think about it.   
A man would get killed for trying to kill her, but she didn’t remember him or the incident at all.   
What confused her, even more, was that some of her people would get killed, too. All her instincts told her it was wrong and she needed to protect them, but something deep down in her mind told her that they deserved it. 

Her mother already tried to explain everything to her, but she also knew her mother, and she wasn’t objective when it came to protecting her people and Kane wasn’t a big help either, because he was on her mother’s side. 

“Hey”, Clarke got distracted by a calm and warm voice, she knew so well. Her heart started to go faster and she couldn’t hide the little smile when she turned around. It seemed like if her body would remember things her brain couldn’t.

Lexa was standing at the door.   
She already closed them and Clarke wondered how she got that lost in her thoughts, she didn’t hear her enter her room. 

Lexa looked beautiful, like always. She was wearing some clothes, that looked more comfortable than the clothes she wears during her time as the commander. Her hair was already unbraided, and her locks were falling so perfectly over her shoulder.   
It took Clarke some time to sort her mind again so that Lexa started to get unsure if it was the right decision to come to her. 

Clarke finally noticed the plate with some bread, cheese, and some fruits, Lexa was holding. It was a strength view. She never saw Lexa doing normal things, most times some of her servants would do that and so Lexa seemed to be unsure what to do with it. 

“Oh, thank god you are finally here. I’m starving!”, Clarke walked towards her and took the plate from her and put it in the middle of her bed, and set down. 

Lexa followed her but stopped in front of Clarke’s bed. She didn’t mean to cross any boundaries and looked around for a chair to sit on.   
“Sorry. It was a long day and I had a lot to get organized!”, she apologized and finally found a chair.

Clarke watched her in amusement and stopped her just before she could reach the chair.  
“Lexa don’t be ridiculous. The bed is huge, I think there is enough space for both of us”, and gestured to the end of the bed.

It took Lexa a moment to think about it, but if Clarke offered it to her, she wouldn’t cross the boundary. She sat down and felt immediately how tired she was, but she waited for this moment the whole day. She would enjoy the time Clarke decided to spent with her. Who knows if this time wouldn’t be the last. 

Clarke watched the food, not sure what would be a good option to start with, but her eyes were captured by some flowers that were twisted into a bracelet.  
“What’s that?”

Lexa looked down and forgot about the bracelet.   
“I met a little girl today, she gave me two of those. One for you and one for me. It should help you to get better soon, she said.”

Clarke took it and put it on. It was beautiful and smelled amazing.   
“I should visit her and thank her personally for that.”

Lexa smiled lightly. “I already told her that we will with her when you feel better. So you said you were starving. I wasn’t sure what you would like to eat, so I let the cooks prepare something I like. I hope that’s fine with you!”

Clarke looked up and smiled. “Did I ever tell you what we ate on the Arc?”

Lexa shook her head.

Clarke laughed. “We had different types of plants, but all of them tasted the same, and all of them were disgusting! But they kept us alive, so it served their purpose!”

Lexa always liked to hear about Clarke’s life before she came down to earth. Some of her stories helped her to understand her people better.

“Then I guess this will be a mind-blowing experience for you!”, Lexa smiled and put some of the cheese on a piece of bread and handed it to Clarke. “Try this!”

First, Clarke inspected it curiously but then she took a huge bite of it. After a few seconds, she held her hand in front of her mouth and said with her mouth still full “that’s delicious” and took another bite.

Lexa laughed quietly. “I told you so!” and took also one piece and started to take small bites while watching Clarke in amusement who already took the seconds piece. 

They enjoyed their food in silence for a while until Clarke mostly emptied the whole plate on her own and laid back against her pillows.

“I never had something that tasted this good, or had I?”, she looked at Lexa questioning. She wasn’t sure if Lexa and she already ate together and she just couldn’t remember it. 

Lexa shook her head and also got herself more comfortable on the bed. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh ok, then it that case I want to eat this every day!”

Lexa smiled, “as long as you are here, my cooks will prepare you whatever you desire.”  
There was something bitter and sad in her voice, which wasn’t unnoticed by Clarke. 

Until now, they had a good time, but it was clear that they would come to a point where they needed to talk about some serious topics. 

So Clarke took the first step.  
“My mother told me, that she wants to stay a little bit longer. She mentioned something like you allowed her to work with your healers for a while and help with some treatments?”

Lexa seemed to be happy, Clarke turned the conversation to something more pleasant.   
“She asked for my permission and I think it’s a great idea. My healers can learn a lot from your way of healing and maybe they can show her some of ours. You are still not familiar with our plants and some of their healing functions, so that would be a great opportunity to exchange knowledge.” 

“My mother asked you for permission?”, Clarke was shocked.   
Her mother never asked for permission, not even on the Ark where some of her decision might cost her life. A lot must have happened. The last time she remembered her mom hated Lexa.  
Lexa just nodded lightly. 

“Wow, what have you done to her? She seems to like you a lot!”   
Her mother told her how much Lexa had helped her to save her life, but it takes more to change Abby’s mind.

Lexa looked shocked for a moment but then identified it just to be a phrase Skypeople used.   
“I’m not sure. I think I opened up a bit when I was with her. We had some conversations on our way from Arkadia to Polis and even here she decided to look after me.”   
She wasn’t sure what had happened, but somehow she respected Abby and enjoyed her company in the last time. 

Clarke watched Lexa for a while and shook her head in disbelief.   
“You are special. My mother is a tough one and if you changed her mind, you must have done something right!”

Lexa looked at Clarke and when their eyes meet she turned her head and looked to the balcony. “I think that won’t stay for long, after tomorrow she won’t be that pleased with me anymore!”

Clarke kept on watching her. All the responsibilities and the burden she was carrying were too heavy for one soul. No matter if she was the commander or not.   
“She already knows about everything. Kane told her.”

Lexa looked back at Clarke and smirked lightly. “Why am I not surprised about that.”

“Oh no, I think that’s something I’m not pissed about not to remember. I mean I’m glad that she’s happy, but you don’t know Kane as I do. He’s different now, but on the Ark, he was such an idiot.” Clarke shook her head. 

Lexa got curious. “Sounds like interesting stories might come up someday?”

Clarke nodded. “I have tons of them. But anyway, back to the topic. Do you think the execution is really necessary?”

It was a difficult thing to talk about for both of them.   
Clarke didn’t mean to offend her or change her mind, because she didn’t remember and so her opinion wouldn’t be a good one.

Lexa looked at Clarke. “I don’t want to fight with you about it. I know you want to protect your people, but there is no other way. My people wanted the death of all of your people, but I changed their minds and they accepted the decision to not kill the innocent.”

Clarke stopped her, by putting her hand on hers.   
“Lexa, I don’t mean this. I know there was no other way and that you did your best, with the decision you made. My mother and Kane already told me about everything. I mean your decision regarding Titus!”

Lexa expected a lot, but not this. She looked at Clarke and then down on her hand and hers.   
She turned her hand, so she could hold hers.  
“I needed to make a statement!”

Clarke exhaled loudly but left her hand right in Lexa’s.   
“I didn’t mean that either. Kane explained your relationship with Titus to me and what an important role he plays in the whole commander, nightbleeder, conclave thing. I want to know how you, and not the commander, feels about this!”  
Clarke knew immediately she hit a nerve when Lexa’s grip got stronger. 

This was something Lexa avoided for the last hours. She didn’t want to face her feelings again, but now Clarke asked her this directly she had no other choice. Besides she wanted to show Clarke, that she takes it seriously and she could trust her. She needed to open up to her otherwise she would lose her.   
She looked up and straight into Clarke’s eyes, not hiding the tears in her eyes, that were just waiting to finally be released. 

“It hurts. A lot. But there is no other way I could handle this situation! He nearly killed you. he nearly killed me, if you wouldn’t have jumped in front of me. He betrayed me.”  
Lexa stopped and took a deep breath still trying to swallow those tears.

“I did what? Hold on. Tell me what happened when I was shot!”, Clarke knew she was shot by Titus but didn’t know the circumstances yet and until now she didn’t think about it, but it seemed to be more complicated than this. 

Clarke’s question distracted Lexa from her emotions and she was thankful for that. But she remembered that besides Murphy and Titus no one knew what exactly has happened and so it wasn’t a surprise Clarke didn’t know it yet. But Lexa wasn’t sure if she could handle all of it.   
“Are you sure?”

Clarke rolled with her eyes. “Of course I am. I mean this is the reason we are in that whole mess right now.” She noticed she said “we”, but it was already too late, but maybe her subconscious knew more than she does. 

Lexa took a big breath.   
“You were here, by my side, but Pike and his followers decided to start attacking innocent grounders in the villages around Arkadia. It was something we couldn’t accept. We sent some grounder warriors there to keep them in Arkadia. Oktavia and you decided to return to Arkadia to help solve this problem. You came to my room to tell me you’ll leave soon and when you returned to your room, Titus waited for you and he kept your friend Murphy captive.”

Lexa decided to spare her the details and keep it as neutral as possible. 

“You told him you were leaving, but that wasn’t good enough for Titus. He decided that he must kill you, that would be the only way to keep you out of Polis. He wanted to use one of your weapons, to fool us. He wanted to make it look like Murphy killed you. But when he started to fire some shots, you managed to get to the doors unharmed.”

It took her a moment to continue. 

“I decided to escort you and Octavia to the gates, but when I reached your door I heard the shots and when I entered you pushed me to the side and took the bullet, that would have hit me.”

She looked to Clarke, who was still trying to process the new information she got. 

“I jumped in front of you?”, she looked right into Lexa’s eyes, “to protect you? I was willing to die, so you could live?”

Lexa nodded lightly, “Sha! (Yes)”

Clarke looked down on her hand, which still was in Lexa’s. A sharp pain behind her eyes let her take her hand away and put it on the point where it hurt. She closed her eyes, and saw Lexa, kneeling beside her. She was worried and begging her to keep her eyes open, but it was just too hard. As fast as the pain appeared, as fast it was gone again.   
What the hell was that? Was it a flashback?  
She looked back at Lexa, trying to act normal, like if nothing has happened. 

“Why did he wanted me dead? What have I done to him?”

Lexa looked down at her hand, just where Clarke’s was just seconds before.   
“You did nothing to him! He just wanted to protect me!”

It still didn’t make any sense and Clarke started to lose her patience with her.   
“God damn it, Lexa, would you please explain it to me?”

Lexa finally looked up, straight into Clarke’s eyes. 

“I was falling for you, Clarke! He knew it and he knew that it would be dangerous for me. He thinks that feelings make me weak, like the decision I made to protect you. And he knew he could say whatever he wanted to, but it wouldn’t change my feelings for you! As long as you were alive you would be a threat to me. So the only option was to get rid of you to get me back on track!”

It was finally out. Somehow Lexa felt relieved but she was also nervous about what Clarke was going to say or do.   
She searched for any hints in Clarke’s eyes, but she was staring into the emptiness. 

After a while, the words settled into Clarke’s brain. It made sense. Finally.   
But there were still so many question marks left. 

What happened between Lexa and her in the last weeks. Were her feelings for Lexa the same? She liked her, a lot, but after the Mountain, she was left with so many emotions. Lexa and she wasn’t an option at that time. 

“Did I,” she stopped. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for the answer she might get. But she needed to know.   
“I mean, where my feelings towards you the same?”

Lexa smirked lightly. “I think so. At least you tried to show it to me in some ways!”

Clarke holds her hands up in self-defense. “Not too many details, please. I think I’m not ready yet!”

Lexa’s smirk disappeared, but she nodded lightly. “Sure, whenever you are ready!”

Clarke nodded too. “Thank you. I know it’s hard for you, too. I see now that we moved on in the last weeks. Left the shadows of the Mountain behind us and I’m willing to try it again, but I need time! Do you understand this?”

A loud, angry voice in front of the door, stopped Lexa from answering. It was from Abby. She was furious the guards let Clarke stay awake for that long.

Lexa decided it would be better to stand up. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, Abby would see them both like that, but she was stopped by Clarke, who was lying her hand on her leg and whispered, “please, stay!”

That was all she needed to hear, to change her mind and she stayed. 

Clarke leaned back into her pillows and rolled her eyes, which made Lexa smile in amusement.   
“Mom, I’m fine. Leave them alone. it’s not their fault.” 

Abby crashed in the room just seconds later but stopped immediately when she saw Lexa next to her daughter. Kane was apologizing to the guards and stepped behind Abby. 

Both of them weren’t sure what to think about this scene. 

Lexa decided it would be best to come up with a good little white lie to calm Abby done.   
“Good evening, Abby”, she said and nodded to Kane. “Kane!”  
Both of them murmured also a good evening, but still unsure of what to say. 

“I just told Clarke about the procedure tomorrow evening and that it’s up to her if she wants to attend it or not. But in my opinion, she should still stay in bed and rest. Don’t you think so too Abby?”

Clarke was impressed, by how easy Lexa came up with a lie and how good it was. It was exactly the one Abby needed to hear, to get back to the track and calm her down.   
“Yeah, that’s true. I’m glad you decided to talk to Clarke about it, maybe she’ll listen to you!”

It amused Clarke. “Lexa, I mean the commander, can be a convincing mom.”  
She looked to Kane, who was as uncomfortable as she was.   
“Mother, I would love to continue my conversation, is there anything else?”  
Her mother should leave, she always interrupted her in the worst moments. But Abby wasn’t willing to leave them that easily.   
Thankfully Kane laid his hands on Abby’s shoulder and pushed her back towards the door.   
“Abby she’s fine. Let us leave you can look for her tomorrow!”  
He didn’t wait for Abby to start arguing, and Clarke formed a silent “thank you” with her lips, towards him and he just nodded, while closing the doors behind them. 

Abby’s angry words were still audible for a while, but after a few minutes, Kane seemed to calm her down again. It became silent again. 

Lexa looked to Clarke. “Your mother is right. I should leave now. It’s late and you need to rest.” She stood up but was stopped by Clarke again, who was holding her arm. 

“Would it be strange to ask you to stay?”

“Do you think it would be a good idea?”

Clarke wasn’t sure either, but somehow it felt right. So she nodded.   
“I’m not sure why, but when I fell asleep in your room I felt calm and it was the first night since the incident that I didn’t have a nightmare.”

Lexa smirked.   
“So you need me to stay, so you could get a good sleep?”

Clarke smiled apologetically. “Maybe?!”   
Lexa sat down again and Clarke continued. “And maybe I enjoy your company.”

“I think you convinced me with these good reasons!”

Clarke put her blanket up to offer Lexa to slip under it, and she did but still keeping her distance.   
Both made themselves comfortable. After a while, they found themselves lying next to each other, facing the other one but not saying anything, just enjoying the moment.

Clarke whispered. “Thank you for the evening. I think we should continue when you are free again!”

Lexa nodded lightly. “I’d love that, but I’m not sure if I can do that tomorrow.”

“I understand that, but I want you to know that I’m here. You can come anytime you want. We don’t need to talk.”

A small smile appeared on Lexa’s face, that confused Clarke.   
“What was so funny about that!”

Lexa shook her head. “You said the same thing to me, the day you were shot, but let’s say under different circumstances.”

“I think that should be enough for now. Reshop, Heda!” (Goodnight, commander)

“Goodnight Clarke!”


	16. Chapter 16: Her Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your nice messages.   
> It really helps to stay motivated going on with this story. 
> 
> I still have so many ideas for this story, and I'm excited to write them down. 
> 
> Please feel free to write to me. I always love to hear some ideas or suggestions.

Lexa woke up first. 

She needed a few seconds to remember where she was and why she wasn't in her bed. 

Clarke was still sleeping calmly next to her. 

Both of them got closer together during the night, and Clarke's arm was lying around Lexa's waist.

It seemed her body was demanding something, her brain still didn't remember, but it may cause an odd moment when she would wake up. 

Suddenly she felt the sparkles in her stomach; she already felt so many times before. When her eyes looked back up, her eyes met some beautiful blue ones, starring right into hers. 

"Good morning," Clarke whispered without breaking the eye contact, and a small smile appeared on her lips.

Lexa answered, almost shyly. "Good morning. I hope I didn't wake you up. I didn't mean to!"

But Clarke just shook her head and finally noticed that her arm was on Lexa's waist. Unsure of how it got there, she took it back. 

"I'm sorry. I don't know how ... I mean, why" Clarke stopped in the middle because there was no excuse for something she didn't do on purpose. 

"It's ok," Lexa smiled lightly to calm her down. "I need to get up anyway. It'll be a stressful day."

But she wasn't moving a bit. 

Clarke nodded lightly. "Do you think you can find some time to bring me to this little girl that gave us those bracelets, or is your schedule too full?"

"I'm not sure if it's a good idea today. Maybe we can do this tomorrow?"

Clarke's eyebrow raised a bit, and she longed to ask why, but she knew that Lexa had her reasons, and so she just accepted it. "I have no plans for tomorrow, so that will work for me, I think!"

Lexa would love to continue with their small talk, but she knew she needed to prepare for the day. Also, she wasn't too excited for Abby seeing her here, so she just stood up but was stopped by Clarke, who held her arm. 

Lexa turned around and faced her questioning. 

"Do you think you can squeeze me into your busy schedule later that day? Maybe dinner and some talk again?"

Clarke was still sleepy, and her hair was a total mess, but in Lexa's eyes, she never looked more beautiful. 

Lexa nodded lightly. "There will always be some time for you in my schedule. You should know that by now. But I'm not sure how long the event tonight will take. It might be late."

"I don't mind. I'll wait for you and Lexa," Clarke stopped, and her cheeks turned into a light pink. "Thank you for staying tonight. I hope I didn't cross any boundaries, but I think I didn't sleep that good for a long time."

It was cute and gave Lexa hope again. Maybe the accident wasn't that bad, after all. She stood up slowly and walked to the door. When she opened them to get out, she turned around and looked straight into Clarke's eyes following her. 

"You didn't cross anything, Clarke. I'm here for you. Any time!" 

She looked into Clarke's eyes. She wanted to say and do so much more, but right now wasn't the right time. But she had an idea that might help Clarke get the day around.

"Maybe I can ask my guards to go and look for your friends. I think you didn't see them for a while, and they will properly be excited to see you. They can keep you entertained for a while." She said and saw the light in Clarke's eyes. Her friends were everything to her. Seeing her with this light in her eyes was all she needed to get her through this day. Lexa took one last look and left. 

Lexa couldn't hide a smile when she walked back to her room, where she got ready for the day. On her way to her throne room, she ordered some bread, cheese, and fruits to deliver to Clarke's room. 

As soon as she entered her throne room, reality hit her again. All the ambassadors were waiting for her already. Also, she didn't remember to ask for a meeting. 

She was walking to her throne, while all the ambassador bowed in respect and sat down after she did. 

Lexa looked around. All thirteen of them were there. But Octavia hadn't returned yet, and time was running out slowly. 

"Good morning, ambassadors. Do you want to discuss the execution today, or is there something else?"

Kane stood up, what wondered her. The other seemed to accept him fast, but that wasn't a wonder. He was good with people. 

"Good morning, Heda. Indeed we like to discuss the execution. There are some issues we want to talk about so that everything will work out smoothly tonight!"

"Issues?" Lexa raised a brow questioningly. 

Kane wasn't that confident anymore, and it was visible he was looking for the right words. 

The Delfikru ambassador stood up and found his place next to him to support him. 

"Right, Heda. It seems like some Skaikru people are not accepting the decisions you made. We want to know what will happen with those opposing you?"

They were right. Lexa already thought about that happening too. But also she didn't accept anything else from them. Most Skaikru people didn't understand their way of living, and maybe they never will, but someone needs to keep them in their place. 

All eyes were on her. They were waiting for further instructions, but it took her a moment to think about the possible effects her decision will cost.

"I already thought about that, and I think there is only one way to handle this right."

Her voice was calm but convinced. 

"Everyone resuming the orders will get the punishment Pike will get! There won't be any exceptions, no matter which clan the person belongs to. Is that clear?"

Lexa took a moment to look at each ambassador one after one. Nearly all ambassadors nodded in acceptance. It was no wonder Kane was the only one who seemed not happy about the decision. 

He knew exactly that his people would be the first who will break the rules. 

"Also, I decided only guards will be allowed to wear any weapons. All others will be checked, and the one doing the punishment will be handed a dagger from a guard. If someone still carries a weapon, he or she will be punished too!

I recommend you go and see your people. Tell them again about the rules tonight. About the consequences that will happen if they decide not to show obedience. I won't accept any disobedience tonight!"

She watched the ambassadors left one after one; only Kane remained seated. Lost in his thoughts, he stared at the ground in front of him. 

He was distracted when Lexa stood in front of him. 

"A penny for your thoughts," she said with a much-appeasing tone. 

It was a phrase Clarke taught her once. It was common for the Skaikru people, and somehow she liked it. 

Kane finally looked up, right into her eyes. 

"I think about how many more people we will lose after tonight!"

"So, you are accepting so many to disobey tonight?"

He nodded lightly, still with this concerned look in his eyes. 

"They are afraid, and they are angry. What you are asking of them is a lot. We also killed the guilty on the Ark, but no friend or a family member was ever there while we did it. None of them needed to witness this. Most of them never saw someone dying in front of their eyes. And as you know, they are not as strong as you are. They never needed to be!"

Lexa knew that. Clarke explained a lot to her, and over time it made a lot clearer to her, but still, she couldn't accept everything they did. They needed to find a way to live with each other. Lexa already made her step and showed them mercy by not killing all of them, as the ambassadors recommended. 

"But you understand my decision Kane, don't you? You understand why I need to do this?"

He looked up, a little bit confused, which irritated Lexa. 

"Of course, Heda. I never questioned your decisions. I'm just worried that they won't listen to me."

He had the same need to protect their people, as Clarke has. She liked that way of thinking. 

"Well, Kane. Maybe I can help you a bit," Lexa said while sat down next to him. 

His confusion turned into irritation, and he asked, "how?"

Lexa smiled lightly. She wasn't merciless, and because of Clarke, she understood the Skaikru people, well, at least a bit. 

"I can't cancel tonight, that is for sure. Also sure is that Pike will die, just as Titus will. But the other who will survive their deserved cuts may be treated by Abby and my healers to have the best chance to survive their punishment. I will allow them to get medical treatment instead of lying in their cells for another week."

Kane listened carefully. "That's kind of you, Heda. I appreciate it. But just like I said, we are not strong. Most of them will die."

Lexa stood up and smiled lightly. 

"Well, then you should better teach your people how not to cut too deep, I suggest."

She saw the smile appearing on Kane's face.

"I'll try my best, Heda!" He bowed his head, full of respect and thankfulness, while Lexa turned around and left the room. 

Clarke looked up from her sketchbook when her door opened without a knock. She believed to see her mother, but it wasn't her, and her eyes filled up with tears immediately. 

"Bellamy," she squeaked, too excited, and nearly fell when she stood up too fast and ran towards him to hug him. 

"Hey, slow down, princess," he laughed but hugged her as tied as she did.

Both of them stood there for a while; no one wanted to end this hug, but Bellamy needed to talk to her, so he finally did. 

"Come sit down. We need to talk." 

Clarke raised a brow but sat down on her bed, and so did he. 

"I heard you don't remember anything?"

Clarke nodded lightly, "not since I left you at the gate of Arkadia after we took the mountain down."

He inspected the look on her face. Maybe it was better this way. Otherwise, she wouldn't look at him like she did now, not after what he had done. She would hate him. 

"Wow, that must be hard, isn't it?" He asked, trying to act as normal as he could. 

Clarke thought about it for a moment. "I guess it's more difficult for the one that still remembers. I'm not missing anything because I can't remember, but it's more difficult for others because they remember things. Things I did, things I said."

Her eyes stared into the distance like she always did when she was in her thoughts. 

Bellamy got angry. He knew who she was talking about. 

"You mean her! You mean, Lexa!"

Clarke heard the suddenly appearing anger in his voice, and she didn't understand where it came from. But she nodded lightly. 

He released a small angry laugh. If she didn't know him so well, she would consider it to be a little cough. She continued with a gentle voice. 

"Please, Bellamy, tell me what has happened. What did she do to you!"

Bellamy shook his head. 

"Where should I start, Clarke! She is the one that caused all this mess. She is the one who kept you here. She is the one who nearly got you killed. She killed our people. She will kill them tonight. Our people! Goddamnit Clarke! She is the enemy. Can't you see it!"

He was angry. She never saw him like that before. Her concern grew, and she couldn't understand him. It didn't make any sense to her. 

"Bellamy, she is trying to help us, me! I'm not sure what has happened, I only heard some stories, but they deserve it after what I've heard. And the punishment they'll get is far from the one they would normally get when Lexa wasn't trying to help us."

Bellamy fisted his hands in anger and slammed one of his fists down on the frame of her bed. Clarke flinched in shock, but he didn't care. 

"She brainwashed you again. Just like she did before Mount Weather. Why don't you see it? Why does no one see it! She is the enemy. Pike was the only one who saw it too!"

He stood up as fast as his anger appeared and ran out of her room. 

He left her in confusion and anger. Hopefully, he wouldn't do anything dumb. But deep down, she already knew he would. 

But her concerns were washed away when just seconds later, her friends entered. There were all of them: Raven, Monty, Harper, Nate, and even Murphy and Jasper. 

The bad conversation she just had seconds before, with her best friend, was gone when her other friends hugged her one after the other and made themselves comfortable on her bed. 

The evening came fast. Lexa was so occupied with her duties that she lost her track of time. But when Octavia finally found her, she asked to talk with her in private and suggested she would better get ready so that the execution would start on time. 

Lexa got ready fast and started doing her war paint while listening to Octavia in her room. 

"We found her. She was out in the woods, with some others, and somehow she was willing to come with us. Indra told me that it was always her dream to become a Fleimkepa. It seems to be an honor or something like that," she said like it was the dumbest thing ever, and she couldn't understand why someone would choose this.

"But anyway, I didn't accept her to be like that. I never accepted Indra to have a daughter!"

Lexa found it amusing to listen to Octavia. None of her people talked that freely with her. 

"Well, anyway, she will talk to you in the morning. Until then, she stays with Indra!"

Lexa was ready and looked to Octavia, who was walking through the room the whole time. 

"Thank you, Octavia. You did me a huge favor."

She could see the smile Octavia was trying to hide. She seemed to be proud of herself. 

"But tonight, I need something else from you!"

Octavia started to look concerned. "I already heard about the possible issues tonight."

"So you also heard about my decision on how to handle these! But besides that, I want you to stand on my right side, and Indra should stand on the left."

Octavia smiled as if she just got a present she liked a lot, and Lexa raised a brow questioningly.

"Indra and I already talked about it. I already said I wanted to stand on your right, but Indra said it was her place. But I guess I won."

Lexa just shook her head. It was nice to see that Indra found someone she finally opened up to.

Octavia continued, "anyway, besides that, we already doubled the guards around us. You will be safe, don't worry about that."

Lexa just nodded. It wasn't her safety; she was concerned about.

Lexa stood in front of her people. She never understood why they were so excited about these executions. It seemed as if they would enjoy the pain and the loss of others. 

All guilty once were tied up to piles. Some were crying, some were shouting, except Titus and Pike, who watched her, without any emotions left in their eyes. 

"Welcome, everyone. Tonight we will get our justice for the loss of our beloved ones—your husbands, sons, daughters, wives, mothers, fathers, and friends." 

She looked over her people, who were watching her with respect and thankfulness. Just the Skaikru people were angry and afraid. But she already expected nothing else from them. 

"Please, may the people who lost someone by the hand of Pike get to the front, and get their justice!"

Lexa watched her people, one after one, who stepped in front of him, took the dagger offered by the guard standing next to Pike. One after one set their cut. Some were saying something to him, she didn't hear from the distance, but she already knew what they might say. 

She turned her head to Indra and whispered. "Don't you want to get your revenge?"

Lexa knew how bad he had hurt her. How much she suffered by the loss of the warriors who she was guiding. 

Indra shook her head. "No, Heda. They need it more than I do."

Lexa looked at Indra for a moment. She had always admired her strength and that she always put her people first. Even if it meant she would have to hold back her wishes. 

Lexa's thoughts got distracted by someone trying to get to her on the podium. 

It was Bellamy. 

Octavia looked annoyed by him and turned her head to Lexa to ask for permission to let him through. He had nothing to do besides them, but he was Octavia's brother, and Lexa cared for her, so she allowed it by nodding lightly. 

He was let to his sister and whispered something into her ear. Octavia rolled her eyes in annoyance and just nodded. 

As it didn't seem essential for her to know, Lexa turned her focus back to the execution. 

Pike already passed out. She wasn't sure if he was still alive or not, but he was more dead than alive by the amount of blood he already had lost. 

It took nearly an hour until everyone could get their revenge, and when no one else was standing in the line, the guard checked his pulse and just shook his head towards Lexa to show that her coup de grace wasn't necessary. 

Lexa took a step forward and raised her voice again. 

"Pike kom Skaikru you gonplei ste odon!"

The people followed her and repeated her words. The Skaikru had their way of saying goodbye, so she gave them some time. 

After a few moments, Lexa continued. 

"Before we go on with the punishment of Pike's followers, who might survive their punishment tonight, we need to end another life."

She looked to Titus, who just nodded lightly towards her. He was trying to tell her to stay strong and not show anyone how much she struggled with this decision. 

"Titus, our Fleimkepa, he made some wrong decisions. His beliefs let him on the wrong path. A path that nearly ended my life. A decision that almost killed Wanheda. He used a Skaikru weapon to let it look like if one of the Skaikru did it. He wanted to fool us, me."

She knew there were rumors in Polis, but no one knew precisely what has happened. 

Some were shocked by the truth; others looked at him with so much hate and disgraced; it even hurt her seeing this. Others seemed more worried.

"I know he had a position that isn't that easy to replace. But I already have another Fleimkepa to take in his place. In a few days, I'll present him or her to you. So you don't need to worry about this."

Lexa took a few steps towards the steps to make her way to Titus. 

"Wanheda isn't still well enough to get her justice, so it will just be me today who will end his life!"

It took some moments before she reached the podium the condemned were standing on. 

She stood right in front of him and took out her sword. A few moments passed, and they exchanged looks. There was no fear or anger in his eyes. He seemed more proud of her. But there was also something else. She couldn't read it. 

When the people behind her started to get impatient, she put her sword in position and said. 

"Titus, Fleimkepa, you gonplei ste odon!" and pushed her sword right through his heart. She didn't want him to suffer. He didn't disserve it. So she made it quick.

Before she pulled her sword back, she leaned forward and whispered. 

"Thank you for everything!", also he was already dead, but she needed to get those words out. 

She put her sword back without another look and made her way back to the podium, and stood between Indra and Octavia. 

Bellamy was still next to Octavia and watched her with a look that gave Lexa a cold shiver down her spine. She needed to tell Octavia that this was a one time; he wasn't allowed up on their site ever again. Somehow she didn't like him, and she didn't trust him. Also, she didn't know where it came from. 

All eyes were back on Lexa, and she continued. 

"Now to the final part! The rest of the condemned will now get their punishment by their people. The Skaikru people will show us that they don't stand behind the decisions their few people made. They disapprove of them, just like we do! But I also offered those people who survive their punishment a second chance. They will get medical treatment immediately, and if they are strong enough to survive, they will be released to live among the Skaikru people. "

The people whispered. Lexa knew they never experienced a punishment like this before, but no one would try to question her. 

She nodded towards Kane, who was standing next to the Skaikru people, and they began. 

Lexa watched one after the other making their cut. She was impressed by how smooth everything went. Kane did an excellent job convincing them.

Suddenly, there was hectic around her, but before she could turn around and see where it came from herself, she felt a terrible sharp pain in her temple. 

Her knees gave up, and she hit the ground. 

Before she could raise her hand in defense, she was hit again. This time it hit her cheek. She saw Bellamy over her, holding a brick in his hand. His eyes were full of hate and anger. He was furious, and she knew he would kill her.

It hurt so bad. She could feel something dripping down her face. 

All happened too fast, so fast it seemed unreal to her. 

Lincoln and Indra were tugging him of her. One of her guards punched him a few times until he let go of the brick. 

Octavia was screaming at him, and Lexa saw her crying. 

Her guards helped her back up, but she still needed support. Her knees wouldn't manage her weight. 

She saw her people frightened and shocked. They needed to know that she' was well. Also, she wasn't. 

Lexa took all her last strength together and turned to her guards. 

"Take him to a cell. I don't care how just let him alive. He will get his punishment for his attack."

Her black blood dripped down her face. She lost too much already. 

"Don't worry; I'll be fine. I want you to end the punishment!"

She turned and looked for Indra, who was already at her side supporting her. Lincoln lay his arm around her and helped her too. Lexa whispered, "please bring me to my room!" 

The way back seemed so far. Her feet couldn't manage to take any steps, and so she was more dragged along. When they were out of view of the people, Lincoln lifted her and carried her into the tower as fast as possible. 

Lexa heard voices around her, but she was too weak to open her eyes.

She fought against the tiredness, but it was nearly impossible.

Suddenly she felt the comfort of her bed beneath her, and she finally opened her eyes again. It was blurry around her, but she identified the figures around her as Lincoln, Indra, and Abby. 

"Lexa, I need to stitch you up. you are bleeding too much!" Lexa recognized the voice coming from Abby next to her, who was already treating her wounds. 

She was already hurt many times before, but she never felt so much pain as she did now. But there was still the voice deep in her, commanding her to commend. 

She talked slowly and quieted; for more, she had no strength left. 

"Indra, go and take care of them. Get through with the execution. Take care of everything. I trust you. And Lincoln, go and find Octavia. She needs you. Tell her that it's not her fault."

Both of them were hesitating. No one wanted to leave her side, but they did. 

After there was only Abby and her left, she finally allowed herself to ask Abby. "How bad is it?"

Abby was still stitching her up. 

"You lost a lot of blood. Your eye is swollen, and your forehead, temple, and cheek are already turning blue. He hit some sensitive parts. But you seemed to have luck. No bone seemed to be broken."

Lexa didn't understand much of it. "So, it's not that bad?"

It took Abby some moments to answer. 

"I hope so. It seems not that bad from the outlook, but I'm not sure if your brain got any damage. Tell me, how are you feeling?"

"I felt better before. My head is hurting badly. I can't see clearly; everything is blurry. I feel a bit dizzy, and somehow, I feel like I need to throw up."

Abby checked for reaction in her pupils. 

"I think you might have a concussion, but we need to observe it. Normally those symptoms will disappear in a few days. You should rest now. Try to sleep!"

Lexa heard the uncertainty in Abby's voice, which frightened her. 

She made herself comfortable in her bed, and Abby tucked her in, which surprised Lexa. No one did this for her since she left her parents. But Abby was showing her how it would have been if she wasn't who she was.

Abby's way of behaving and acting around her calmed her a bit. She whispered. "Will you please stay with me?"

Abby seemed to be just as surprised by Lexa as she was with herself. 

"Of course. I won't leave your side until you wake up."

She tucked some of Lexa's lost strains behind her ear and stroke over her hair in a way only a loving mother would do for her daughter. 

It calmed Lexa, and she finally allowed herself to let the darkness take over. 

Clarke had watched the execution from her balcony. She wasn't ready to face them all down there, and she wasn't prepared to end Titus live, as it was asked of her. She was thankful that Lexa didn't make her do it.

The execution took very long. She heard of Pike's crimes, but it was hard to watch how he was punished. But it was also sad to see how his actions hurt so many people. 

When it was time for Lexa to kill Titus, Clarke couldn't take her eyes of Lexa. She was so strong, brave, and beautiful. 

Clarke noticed her heartbeat got faster when Lexa walked to the crowd to stand back at the podium after it was done.

But suddenly, there was a colossal tumult. People were screaming, trying to get to the podium. They pushed one another to get a better view. 

It also took Clarke several seconds to see what has happened. 

Someone was lying on the ground. Someone else was on top of that person and hitting him or her. 

Clarke felt the panic in her chest coming up. She searched the podium for Lexa, but she couldn't see her. 

Indra and Lincoln were there. They were pulling the attacker of that person. Bellamy. It was Bellamy. He was screaming furiously, trying to return to the person who was lying on the ground. 

Lexa! 

Clarke felt her knees getting weak. It couldn't be. Not her. 

The blood was visible from her balcony. Even it was that far away.

When Lexa stood up with the others' help, Clarke felt the tears falling down her cheeks. She wasn't sure if those were tears of relief that she was alive or tears of panic. 

She saw how she was carried back to the tower. 

Her eyes went back to Bellamy, who was still furious but got beaten up by the guards. After several punches, he was lying on the ground, not moving. The tears didn't stop. She was also afraid that he was dead. But then he got carried towards the cells, and she thought that no dead one would be brought there, so he needed to be alive. 

Octavia was lying on the podium, crying hysterically. Clarke hadn't seen her like this before. She felt sorry for her and wanted to help, but there was no way she could get to her. 

After a few moments, Indra and Lincoln got back. They were taking care of the situation, and the execution went on like nothing had have happened. 

Clarke needed to see Lexa. There was no way she would act like the ones down there. 

She ran towards the doors but was stopped by the guards in front of her door.

"No, Skaikru person is allowed to leave their rooms!"

Clarke couldn't believe what she just heard. 

"Stop kidding. I need to get to Lexa. Let me through!"

She was pushed back inside her room, and they closed the doors and kept them shut.

Also, her banging against the doors didn't change their mind. 

It was senseless to try to fight them at the moment. 

Clarke sat down on her bed. She didn't recognize that her tears didn't stop. 

It was Bellamy. Her Bellamy. The sweet and kind person who would do anything to protect his family and friends. 

Then she remembered what he said when he was here. 

_ "She's the enemy!" _

Damn it. It was right in front of her eyes, but she didn't see it. She could have warned them. She could keep him from doing this. 

It was her fault. Lexa was hurt because of her. 


	17. Okay Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me a while to publish the next chapter.  
> I'm busy as always, and I wanted to take my time for this chapter. 
> 
> By the way, I'm really thankful for all your nice messages.  
> They motivate me a lot to keep writing.  
> I never thought I'd stick to it for that long. 
> 
> I also started to update the previous chapters.   
> There were many mistakes, and I wanted to get rid of them.  
> So far, I'm done with the first four chapters.   
> Sorry about that, but as mentioned before, I'm not a native English speaker.   
> So thank you for your support. I appreciate it.

Clarke was walking frantically through her room. 

She couldn't settle for a moment.

Flashes of memories appeared in front of her eyes.

_ She and Lexa stood in Lexa's bedroom, saying goodbye to each other.  _

_ Never before, she saw Lexa that sad. She was fighting against the tears appearing in her eyes.  _

Another flash.

_ She and Lexa were kissing passionately. She was above Lexa, and they were lying on her bed and making out.  _

Another flash. 

_ Lexa was lying with her back towards Clarke. She was inspecting Lexa's tattoo on her back.  _

_ It was beautiful and mysterious at once. She thought about drawing it later.  _

Another flash. 

_ She was on her way back to her room. She was feeling sad and happy at the same time. _

Another flash.

_ Murphy was chained at a chair in the middle of her room, and Titus pointed a gun towards her. _

Another flash.

_ She heard shots and was running towards the door. _

_ Lexa appeared in front of her, and she jumped in front of her. At that moment, there was nothing more important than protecting her.  _

Clarke broke down. She was lying on the cold ground in the middle of her room and crying hysterically. 

Her feelings overwhelmed her. 

There were still so many questions unanswered. So many feelings she couldn't handle yet. 

But she needed to know how Lexa was.

_________________________________________________________________________

"Mom, what has happened? How is she?" Clarke storms to her mother when she entered the room. 

Clarke's face was red, as were her eyes, but that wasn't a miracle. She couldn't stop crying since Bellamy attacked Lexa. 

She was terrified, angry, and confused. 

No one told her how Lexa was. She spent the last hours going through every possible scenario. But in every single one, she felt the anger in her chest. 

Clarke was angry at Bellamy and also with herself. She should have noticed it when Bellamy stormed out. He wasn't himself anymore. His anger was visible, but she was too distracted to count one and one together. 

And there was also the confusion in her head. Why did it bother her that much? A few days ago, she hated Lexa so much; she would have killed her if she would have the chance. But now she was scared of losing her. 

Where did these sudden feelings came from, or were they always in her?

The flashbacks from earlier seemed so real to her, but she wasn't sure if they weren't just an imagination of her exhausted brain.

"Clarke, she's fine. You need to calm down!" 

Her mother led her to her bed and forced her to lay back down. 

"She got some terrible hits to her head. The side of her face is swollen and bruised. I needed to stitch her up, but thankfully he didn't break any of her bones. Also, she has some other issues that might come from the swelling or maybe from a concussion. I'm not sure yet!"

Abby explained to her daughter calmly, but the tears in Clarke's eyes were visible again. 

It took a few moments for Clarke to process everything. 

"What kind of issues do you mean?"

"Blurry sight, dizziness, nausea, and a headache. But most of them should go away in a few hours. She is sleeping right now, but as soon as she wakes up, I'll recheck her!"

Abby never saw her daughter like this before. Clarke had cried many times before, but she never had this anxiety in her eyes. 

Lexa had the same anxiety when they were on their way from Arkadia to Polis to save Clarke's life. 

Clarke nodded lightly and sobbed. 

"Mom, why did he do it? Why her?"

Abby hugged her daughter and held her tight. 

"Honey, I don't know. But Kane told me that Bellamy made a few terrible decisions in the last weeks. He was one of Pike's most loyal followers, and he believed everything Pike had told him. Maybe some of those things made him do it!"

Clarke needed this hug badly. She held on to her mother and let all her tears out.

God, she was so blind. It was her fault. She should have known it. 

Some moments passed until Clarke collected herself again, and her tears stopped. 

"Mom, the guards won't let me see her, but I want to. I need to see her myself. I need to see that she's okay!"

Abby thought about it and nodded lightly. 

"Indra told them to, but I think you're not a thread to Lexa. It was more instruction for the other."

_____________________________________________________________________________

Abby brought Clarke to Lexa's room and left her there alone. 

Clarke took a few steps closer to Lexa's bed, where she was sleeping peacefully. 

Her wounds looked horrible. Abby needed a lot of stitches. It looked like Bellamy had used a knife instead of a brick and nearly cut the whole side of her face. She must have lost so much blood. It was a wonder she was still alive. Also, the bruises beneath the dried blood and the rest of her warpaint were visible. They even looked darker on her pale skin. 

Clarke stepped to the side of the bed and sat down at the end of the mattress. 

Lexa looked quiet and peaceful in her sleep. Also, it seemed unbelievable that she was sleeping without any painkillers. 

How could it come so far? 

How could Bellamy do this? 

It all didn't make any sense to Clarke. She reviewed her conversation with him from earlier in her head, over and over again. And every time, it became more evident to her that she had it right in front of her eyes. 

How could she be so blind not to see it?

"You should stop!" 

Clarke got torn from her thoughts by Lexa's quiet but clear voice.

It took her a moment to recognize what just happened. 

Lexa's green eyes were looking at her, with some concern in them. 

"You are awake!" 

Clarke said more to herself than to Lexa.

"I was worried. How are you feeling? Do you have any pain? Should I get my mother? Do you need any pain killers?"

Lexa smiled lightly and shook her head. She laid her hand on Clarke's knee to stop her. 

"Hey, Clarke, slow down! I still have a headache, and the side of my face feels like someone tried to smash it, but besides that, I'm fine!"

The worry in Clarke's face didn't disappear, so Lexa continued with a slight smirk on her face. 

"Do I look that bad?"

"Yes, eehm, I mean no. It's not that visible. You still have your warpaint on and some dried blood. Those cover most of the bruises."

For the first time, Lexa dared to touch the side of her face. It hurt badly, and she felt the stitches. She accepted that already but she wasn't prepared for what she will see when looking into the mirror the next time.

"If you like, I could help you wash it off?"

Lexa needed a few moments to understand what Clarke meant, but then she nodded lightly and watched Clarke disappearing into her bathroom. 

A few moments later, she returned, and Lexa moved to the middle of the bed so Clarke could sit next to her. 

She watched her sit down and wet a piece of cloth in a small bowl. 

"I promise I'll be gentle. Tell me if it hurts too much!"

Clarke said and started to clean her unhurt side of her face. 

Lexa closed her eyes. She enjoyed Clarke's touch, but she tried to control her thoughts to ignore the pain coming up when Clarke starts with her injured side of the face. She didn't want to freak her out.

"Okay, that side is done. I'll start with the part around the stitches."

Clarke explained while she wet the cloth again and tapped it slightly on the spots around the stitches. 

It hurt a lot. It felt like someone would try to rip her skin off.

"I need to wet the dried blood. Otherwise, I need to put too much pressure on your skin, and I think it wouldn't be a good idea. Is everything still okay?"

Clarke continued. 

Lexa knew she was trying to distract her, but the pain was sharp and strong. 

"Mhm, keep going! I handled worse!"

If Lexa had opened her eyes, she would see the small smile on Clarke's lips. 

"Always being the strong and brave commander, huh? But Lexa, you don't need to be brave. Not around me. You know that!"

Clarke continued, and Lexa finally opened her eyes and watched Clarke.

She was focused on her work, but the worry was still in her eyes. It hurt Lexa to see her like that. She needed her to know that she was okay. 

"I imagined a lot to happen yesterday, but this wasn't one scenario I accepted."

Clarke closed her eyes shortly, and when she opened them again, she continued with her work, but the tears were visible. 

Lexa tried to make it better, not worse. She reached forward and laid her hand on Clarke's cheek. 

"Hey, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

Clarke stopped and put the cloth and the bowl on the table next to the bed and stood up. 

"It's done. Without the paint and the dried blood, it's not that bad anymore. But I think you should rest. I'll go and tell my mother that you woke up!"

What did just happened? Lexa was confused. Everything was fine just seconds before. It must have been something she just said. 

"You are mad!" She said and looked straight into Clarke's eyes. 

Clarke was confused and shook her head. "No, I'm not. Why should I be?"

"I promised you dinner and that we would continue with our conversation from the night before, but I didn't make it."

Lexa said with a cheeky smile. 

It took Clarke by surprise. She didn't accept this side of Lexa at that moment, and she rolled her eyes. 

"Lexa, you had a pretty good excuse not to show up!" 

"Do you think so? Then tell me, what did I do wrong?"

Lexa asked and showed her to sit down next to her again.

After a moment, Clarke returned to her and sat down next to her. But she didn't say anything. She just looked at her hands. 

Lexa watched her for a moment and took Clarke's hands into hers. 

"Come on; you can tell me anything. You should know that by now!"

Clarke was fighting with herself. She was blaming herself the whole time since it happened. Also, her emotions confused her. It was all too much.

"I don't know." 

She whispered without looking up, and she could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"He visited me earlier, and he wasn't the same anymore."

It took all her strength to keep going on, and Lexa waited for her to continue. 

"Bellamy mentioned some things that didn't make any sense. But now."

Clarke shook her head. 

"I should have known better. I should have recognized it. It wasn't Bellamy. Not the Bellamy I once knew. Something must have happened to him."

She sobbed, and it hurt Lexa to see Clarke like that, but she knew that she needed to get that off her chest. Lexa laid one hand on Clark's back and slowly caressed her back in comfort before Clarke continued. 

"He was so angry. I have never seen him like that before."

She shook her head in disbelief. 

"That should have triggered my alarms, but it didn't.

And when he said some nasty things about you, even a blind person would have seen his intentions. God, I was dumb!"

Clarke bit her lower lip, and Lexa expected to see the blood in any second. 

"Hey!" 

Lexa took her hands into hers again to stop her from hurting herself. 

"It's not your fault! Pike brainwashed him. He took him when he was weak and sought help. You don't remember the last weeks, but you remember the time before. And so you remember the Bellamy from back then. You have to accept that some things happened during the last weeks that caused his change. He made some terrible decisions, and he is the only one to blame for them. Not you or someone else. Do you hear me?"

Lexa laid her hand underneath Clarke's chin and turned her face towards herself. She forced her to look her in the eyes. 

There was so much pain in her eyes. 

Clarke sobbed again, and the tears continued running down her cheek. 

"I wasn't there to help him. You are right, I don't remember that time, but I know that I wasn't there for him because I would never allow him to turn into what he is today. And now I don't have a chance to help him anymore. It's too late!"

It hit Lexa like lightning, and she let go of Clarke's hands. 

"You are mad because of the killing order against him, aren't you?"

It clicked, and Lexa's brain worked too fast. 

Clarke was here to change her mind. She only cared for him, and all her actions, the caring, the helping, was only to calm her down, so she would rethink her decision. But there was no chance she would do that. 

If she would be honest, she never liked him. Though he was close with the two Skaikru people she cared most about, Clarke and Octavia. But he broke the rules; he tried to kill her. Everyone trying to do those actions, no matter to which clan they belong, would get the same punishment. And there was no exception. Not even for Clarke. 

Lexa's sudden movement confused Clarke, and she looked at Lexa. She was angry. It was visible. Her eyes turned from a beautiful bright green into a darker shade. She pressed her lips together, and it seemed she was clenching her jaws. Clarke wondered what might have triggered this reaction. 

"Of course, I'm mad. He is my best friend, my family. Without him, I wouldn't have been here today!"

Lexa shook her head in disbelief. 

"If you are here to ask for his pardon, I have to disappoint you. He will die as soon as I'm strong enough to get it done. You should leave now!"

"What?" Clarke was irritated. 

"No, Lexa. I know that he deserved it, and I didn't mean to change your decision."

Her voice trembled, and her bright blue eyes were even bluer, with her eyes red from crying. 

"You are not?" Lexa asked, nearly as confused as Clarke. 

"Then, why are you here?" 

Lexa whispered. This conversation changed the direction too many times in just a few minutes. Her headache started to get worse again. But she didn't dare to say anything. 

It took Clarke a few moments to answer. She needed all her strength to open up. 

"Because of you! I saw what he did to you. There was so much blood, and I couldn't think of didn't have a chance to make it right again. When the guards didn't let me to you, I was freaking out. I needed to know that you were still alive!"

It took Lexa by surprise. She accepted a lot, but not this. 

Was there a chance that she remembered? She thought about what to say to don't cross any boundaries, but Clarke interrupted her thoughts.

"I was afraid I would lose you, Lexa!"

And then Clarke laid her hand on Lexa's not injured cheek and kissed her without warning. 

At first, Lexa didn't move because she was in shock. But after a few seconds, she laid her hands around Clarke's neck and kissed her back. 

The kiss was intense, and it tasted salty. Maybe from Clarke's tears or her own, she didn't know anymore, but she could feel tears falling down her cheeks as well. They were tears of happiness. 

But when the kiss got more intense, Lexa moved back and gasped. 

Clarke had put her other hand on Lexa's other cheek and touched her wounds. The pain was too much to handle, so Lexa backed off. 

When Clarke noticed what she just had done, she was worried again.

"I'm sorry, Lexa. I hurt you, didn't I? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. The moment just caught me, and I didn't think about it!"

Lexa chuckled. 

"It's okay, Clarke. Stop worrying so much. Besides, the pain was worth it." 

She smirked and took Clarke's hands into hers. 

"Does it mean you remember again?"

She was full of hope that this was proof Clarke remembered again, but those hopes were destroyed when Clarke shook her head. 

"Not really. There are some flashes, but there are still a lot of gaps."

Clarke smirked. "But I remembered something, and I'm not sure if it was real or just a dream."

"Tell me about it. Maybe I can help with clearing it."

Clarke's cheeks turned red, and Lexa found it cute, but she was wondering what she might remember. 

"Well, I remember me standing right here," she pointed at the space between Lexa's bed and the window. "I came to tell you that Octavia and I are going to leave soon. You came right out of your bathroom. We talked for a short while, and then," she stopped, and her cheeks were turning even redder. 

"Well, let's say it was an emotional goodbye."

Clarke didn't want to tell too much in case it was a dream. She didn't want to make a fool of herself, but when she saw the small smile around Lexa's lips, she knew immediately that it wasn't a dream.

Lexa watched into Clarke's eyes and waited if she might continue, but when she didn't, she made it clear. 

"It was quite an intense goodbye, huh?" 

She couldn't hold the giggle back anymore, and the tension from Clarke fell off, and she joined the chuckle before she slapped Lexa on her shoulder. 

"Hey, don't make fun of me. It's hard not to remember or not to know what's real and what's not!"

Lexa raised her hand in self-defense. "Sorry, but I'm glad that you finally remember something. How much from this goodbye do you remember actually?"

She was just curious. It was already the best memory Clarke could get back, and she didn't mean to push her, but she needed to know what else she remembered from that day. 

Clarke bit on her lower lip again and thought about it. Now that she knew it was a real memory, there was no need to hold anything back because Lexa was there too. So no need to be ashamed of anything. 

"Well, I remember your tattoo on your back. That you didn't want to talk about, and so it turned out into a second goodbye session."

"So far, so right."

Clarke just nodded. She needed to sort her thoughts to get the memories back in the right order.

"After that, I headed back to my room. I ran late, and I was afraid that Octavia would have left without me. But in my room, there were Titus and Murphy. Titus was angry. He was furious and said something about killing me with Murphy's gun and telling everyone that it was Murphy. I tried to free Murphy, but when Titus fired the gun, I ran towards the door to get help, and when I saw you entering and heard the next shot coming from behind me, I jumped in front of you. Well, and then everything went black."

The lump in Clarke's throat was starting to grow. All emotions from that day fired at her at once. It was a lot. 

Lexa laid her hand on Clarke's leg and stroked it slightly to comfort her. 

"That sums it up pretty good. But I'm glad you remember because I didn't have the chance to thank you for saving my life."

A small smile appeared on Clarke's lips. 

"You don't have to. Also, I think the bullet was meant for me anyway."

Lexa rolled her eyes. 

"Can't you just accept a thank you? You should remember that those words don't come easily out of my mouth!"

Clarke laughed, and Lexa loved it. Her laugh made her smile immediately. 

"Oh, yes, I do remember. But I would prefer you showing me how grateful you are instead!"

The foolish smile on Clarke's lips drove Lexa insane, and she leaned forward. She needed to feel those lips on hers again, but before their lips could touch, there was a knock at the door, and Lexa moaned in annoyance. 

"Worst timing ever," Lexa murmured, and Clarke stood up from the bed and opened the door. 

"Mom?" Clarke asked, and her cheeks turned red. Did her mother hear anything?

"What are you doing here?"

Abby looked at her daughter, confused, and made her way inside the room. 

"I'm here for Lexa. I want to check her wounds."

She looked to Lexa and back to Clarke. 

"Darling, are you alright?"

Clarke could feel her mother's hand on her cheek and then on her forehead. "You are glowing. Are you hot again? Did the fever return?"

It was embarrassing for Clarke, but Lexa found it cute. 

"Mom, I'm fine. I'll go to my room."

Clarke looked at Lexa and just shook her head, but the smile didn't disappear from her lips. 

Abby watched her daughter leaving and closed the door before she went to Lexa and sat next to her.

"I see you got rid of the dried blood and the paint on your face. I assume you are feeling better?"

"Much better. Only my head still hurts a bit, but it's tolerable."

Abby checked her wounds and put some sort of creme on it.

"Your healer told me that this creme is good for the wounds. They taught me how to make it."

Lexa was surprised. "Didn't I just tell you a day ago that it would be a good idea to work with our healers? You learned that much already?"

When the small smile on Abby's lips appeared, she knew where Clarke got it from. 

"Don't be angry, but your healer showed me even before how they made it. But it's nice to have your permission now! They are more chilled now when I'm around."

Clarke was a lot like her mother, and Lexa shook her head.

"You are just like Clarke. You don't care about our rules. But on this occasion, it's okay because I'm happy to see that you get along and that they were willing to teach you something, considering you are Skaikru."

Abby just nodded lightly. 

"I think my daughter did a good job, showing them that we are not all the same."

"She's special!"

Lexa didn't mean to say it out loud, but it just slipped out of her mouth, and her cheeks turned nearly as red as Clarke's. 

To her surprise, Abby just laughed and stood up.

"I'll come in later to check on you again. You should rest now. At least a bit!"

And she left the room. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Lexa tried to rest, but there were too many thoughts running around her head. 

Clarke kissed her. 

She remembered their last day together. 

She accepted her decision, considering Bellamy. 

Abby was lovely to her, something she never accepted, after all, that has happened. 

She wouldn't die. 

Yes, the wounds hurt a lot, but it would go away.

Only some nasty scars would be left.

But there was still one thing she needed to do. Otherwise, she wouldn't find any rest. 

There was a quiet knock at her door. It was shy and not confident at all. 

"Come in," Lexa said, and Octavia entered the room. She closed the door and stood right there, minding her distance. 

"You sent for me, commander. How can I help you!"

She didn't lookup. Her head was tilted, and she starred on the ground in front of her. 

Lexa knew she was blaming herself for what has happened, but she needed to clarify that she didn't think that way.

"Octavia, come here and sit down!" Lexa pointed to the free place next to her on the bed. 

Her concern was visible, but Octavia walked to her and sat down after a moment of hesitation. Keeping as far away from her as possible and still looking down. 

Lexa exhaled loudly. 

"Come on, Octavia. Don't let me be the commander right now. I'm just a friend who is concerned about you. So look at me!"

Octavia shook her head. 

"How can you be, after what happened? It was my fault. I shouldn't let him come up to us!"

She finally looked up, and Lexa didn't accept to see her like that. 

Her eyes were plowed and completely red, like if she cried since the attack. She also looked tired, and there was something so painful and sad in her eyes that it even hurt Lexa seeing her like this. 

Lexa rolled her eyes and leaned forward to take Octavia's hand into hers.

"Let me make it clear to you! 

IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! 

You didn't decide to do it. 

It was him!

You didn't hit me with a brick. 

It was him! 

You didn't try to kill me. 

It was him! 

I allowed him to enter the podium to stand next to us, not you! So stop blaming yourself for things you didn't do!"

Octavia shook her head again. 

"No, you don't get it, Lexa. It was all my fault. He is my brother, my responsibility!"

Lexa exhaled loudly. Octavia was so stubborn, but she accepted nothing else. 

"I have a feeling telling me; you didn't tell me everything?"

It took Octavia a moment to answer. "No, I didn't. And I'm sorry. I know you trusted me, and I betrayed you. Gosh, I'm so dumb!"

She hit herself against the forehead. 

"Hey, hey, stop it."

Lexa took her other hand also into hers to stop her from hurting herself.

"Tell me everything, the whole story, and then I'll decide on my own if I'll regret trusting you. But I don't think so."

Octavia swallowed. She was frightened, but she needed to get it off her chest. Maybe then would Lexa understand that she is the one to be blamed?

"When we went back to the Ark to get Abby and defeat Pike, I met Bellamy inside the Ark. He was on his way to get to Pike, to fight with him.

But I was afraid of losing him. I thought I could talk him out of this if I would have the chance to. So I held him captive in one of the rooms, and Lincoln watched him until Pike and his followers were defeated and brought to Polis."

She looked at Lexa, but when she didn't respond, she continued. 

"When I returned to the Ark to get the people for the execution, I tried to talk to him. He was furious. Brainwashed by Pike."

She said Pike's name with so much anger and venom in her voice that Lexa asked herself if there was more between Pike and Octavia, but she didn't want to interrupt her.

"I told my brother that this would be his last chance. I couldn't offer more to him, and I asked him to also think about Clarke. She was always special to him. I hoped he would do it, at least for her. And I thought it worked. He was so excited when we returned to Polis. I told him he could meet Clarke and spent time with her. I thought he decided that we were more important than Pike."

Lexa saw some tears running over Octavia's cheek, and she wondered that there were any left.

"But after he visited Clarke, he acted weird. I begged him not to attend the execution. But when he showed up, I thought it would be best that he stood next to me. I would have handled him if he tried to free Pike or the others. My attention was on the prisoners, but I never thought about him attacking you."

Octavia wiped the tears off, but only seconds later, the next ran over her cheeks again.

"When he entered the podium, he whispered into my ear that he was so thankful for having me as his sister and that he's sorry for everything. I didn't think of why he choose this moment to apologize. I just accepted it. But now it makes sense. I was so blind and dumb."

She borrowed her face in her hands, but when Lexa chuckled, she looked up.

"What was funny about that?"

Lexa shook her head, and there was a small smile around her lips.

"Well, Clarke said nearly the same thing. He visited her and said some dumb things, and she didn't pay much attention, but after the attack, she blamed herself for being so blind, to not see it."

A small smile appeared on Octavia's lips. But just for a short moment. 

"And what did you tell her?"

Lexa retook Octavia's hands into hers. 

"The same, I'm telling you now. It wasn't your or her fault! Okay, I'm not so glad you decided to keep this from me. I know I told you I'd punish everyone helping Pike, but if you had come to me right after you returned and told me about it, we would figure something out. But when you decide to hide things from me, I can't help you!"

Octavia was confused. "You are not mad at me?"

"Mad, not really. You tried to protect your brother, your family. You wanted to see him as he was before. But I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't trust me enough to tell me about it."

Octavia looked at Lexa's hand around hers.

"I meant to when you asked me to find Indra's daughter, but when I saw how much you had on your mind and how worried you were about Clarke, I didn't want to bother you much more."

Lexa shook her head. 

"Hey, you can bother me anytime you want. I thought we were friends?"

Octavia smiled lightly and nodded. 

"I'm sorry. This is all new to me; you know, having friends who care about me and wanting to help me."

Lexa shared her smile. 

"Well, you should get used to it."

But then the smile on Lexa's lips disappeared, and she became serious again.

"But you should know that what he has done can't be unpunished. He will die for what he has done. And I know it's hard for you and Clarke and all the others. But I need to do it. He is a thread, and he will always be."

Octavia nodded as if she didn't accept anything else. 

"But I will allow you to visit him before the execution. I'll give you some time with him alone if you wish to. And I will also make it quick, as I did with Titus. He won't suffer. I promise you that."

Lexa knew it was hard for Octavia, but the other clans wouldn't accept any further punishment. She needed to set a statement. To show everyone what would happen if someone would try something like that again. 

"I know. He deserved it, but it's hard. He protected me his whole life, and now it was my turn to protect him, and I failed."

Octavia said with a lot of pain in her voice. 

"If it makes it easier for you, I don't accept you to attend the execution, but I would still want you to be my advisor. What happened didn't change anything!"

Octavia couldn't believe her ears. She didn't accept this. After all, what happened, she already planned to run away with Lincoln.

Suddenly, Octavia hugged Lexa without warning, but Lexa took some seconds to hug her back. 

They sat like that for a moment before the door opened without a knock, and they both shrugged back.

Clarke stood at the door and watched them amused. 

"Do I need to worry?"

Octavia rolled her eyes. 

"I liked you more when you were in a coma!"

Clarke closed the door, and she was carrying a tray with different food. She put it on the bed next to Octavia and Lexa and made herself comfortable next to them. 

"O, come on! I know you love me!"

Clarke laughed, and Lexa enjoyed this sound. It was good to hear her laugh again. So happy and carefree. 

"Whatever!" Octavia said and hit her arm, but she couldn't hide the smile on her face.

"Ah, that's not nice of you, O. You know I'm still not fully healed. If you continue hurting me, I will tell my mother."

Clarke threatened her, but a second later, she burst out into laughter.

Lexa laid back and watched her love and her best friend having fun and teasing each other. 

For the first time in a while, she thought that everything could be okay again. 


	18. Chapter 18: What is this?

It got dark outside, and a while ago, Lincoln visited Lexa too.

She was sure it was just because he wanted to check on Octavia, who fell asleep next to Clarke on Lexa's bed. 

They have spent hours talking. Clarke told some stories of her childhood, and Octavia got to hear all that she had missed when she needed to hide under the floor. Also, Lexa imagined it to be a difficult topic to talk about, and it might ruin the mood, but instead, they had fun, especially when Lexa opened up and told them about some stories from her childhood that were so different from theirs. 

There was no love, friendship, or any childish games. She only knew to fight, surviving, and war. 

At some point, Lexa asked herself if they would have become friends when they would have grown up together under different circumstances.

Lincoln talked with her for a while. He was updating her on what happened after the accident and about the current situation among her people. She needed to go out tomorrow. Talk with her ambassadors, walk around the town, and show her people that she was okay. 

After some minutes, he took Octavia and carried her back to their place, and Lexa thought about how nice it was that Lincoln and Octavia had each other. 

They were the first ones who crossed the boundaries and didn't care about them. They only cared for each other. Their love seemed to be unconditional, and it gave Lexa hope for Clarke and her.

Lexa looked to Clarke, who was sleeping next to her. She had snuggled herself to Lexa's side and put one arm around Lexa's waist. 

She looked so calm and peaceful in her sleep that it even calmed Lexa down. 

Lexa took some of Clarke's blond strains from her face and tugged them behind her ear. 

It was enough for Clarke to change her sleeping position, and Lexa used the chance to stand up. 

She walked to her bathroom and stood in front of her mirror. 

It was dark in her bathroom; only some candles were giving some light.

But it was enough light to see her wounded face. 

Lexa walked closer to the mirror and inspected the stitches. 

Abby did a good job, but it was clear that she will never get rid of those scars. They will stick with her for the rest of her life, always showing everyone what she has experienced, and there was no way she could hide them. 

One of them started right above her temple and went straight down to her cheek; the other one started next to her ear, crossed the other scar, and stopped in the middle of her cheek. 

She knew it looked much worse than it was because of her black blood, which was still visible on some edges around the stitches. Nevertheless, the scars will shine on her light skin; maybe it will not be visible when her skin gets more tanned in the summer. 

Suddenly Lexa noticed the tears running down her cheeks. 

It took her a while to figure out why she was crying. 

The scars will be visible to everyone, but she never cared about others' opinions on her looks. But they would also be a reminder of what has happened, and this will be the hardest for Octavia and Clarke, who were blaming themselves the whole time. 

Every time they look at her, they will be reminded, which hurt her the most, causing those tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" 

Clarke was standing right behind her, resting her chin on Lexa's shoulder and putting her arms around Lexa's waist. 

Lexa hadn't recognized her coming inside her bathroom or even standing right behind her. She was too focused on her face in the mirror. 

She took a deep breath and leaned back into Clarke. 

"My face, the scars. They won't disappear."

Clarke looked at the scars in the reflection of the mirror. 

Her eyes were soft but full of sadness. 

"They might fade out after some time, but I guess you will always see them!"

Lexa nodded lightly and looked into Clarke's eyes in the mirror.

"And that's the problem!"

Clarke shook her head and turned Lexa around so that she could see her directly in her eyes. 

She placed one hand on Lexa's unhurt cheek and the other on her neck.

"Don't worry about them. I think you are still beautiful!"

Clarke smiled lightly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. 

She leaned forward and set some gentle kisses on Lexa's wounds.

Her lips were soft and warm on Lexa's cold, bruised skin. 

Lexa closed her eyes and put her arms around Clarke's waist to pull her closer to herself. 

It was hard for Lexa to open up to anybody. Her whole life, she was taught not to show any emotion. Feelings were a sign of weakness—a weakness her enemies could use against her. 

But with Clarke, it was different. Every time she was around her, her heart lay right on her tongue. She was able to express things she never dared to say before. 

And the most important thing was that it felt right. Also, it was strange to hear those words coming out of her mouth. 

After some moments, Lexa finally found the courage to continue. She opened her eyes and looked right into those bright blue, shining eyes she adored so much and whispered.

"Clarke, it's not about my look; I'm afraid that it will hurt you and Octavia to see them constantly!"

Clarke's look got severe, and Lexa could see her trying to understand what she meant, but when it clicked, her eyes got even sadder than before. 

"You are right. Those scars will remind us of what has happened. But they will also tell us to be grateful for the second chance we have got."

Lexa couldn't resist, and a small smile appeared on her lips before she answered in a cheeky tone. 

"Second? I think by now we are around the third one!" 

Clare rolled her eyes but couldn't resist a small smile either, and this time it also reached her eyes. 

"You know what I mean, Lex! We survived that much, and we are still here. Together! Of course, it won't be easy, but we will work through it! Once a pretty smart girl told me that it takes as long as it takes, and I think it will be easier if we do this together!"

Lexa was still smiling. "You know it's not fair to use my phrases against me!"

Clarke shrugged her shoulders. 

"As long as it helps to cheer you up, I'm willing to play dirty!"

Lexa chuckled and shook her head. 

"You are unbelievable!"

"That's why you love me!"

It escaped Clarke's lips. She didn't mean to say that, but she was so caught in this moment. 

Lexa's eyes widened, and she got nervous, but before she could say anything, Clarke started apologizing.

"Gosh, sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I'm not sure what got into me; that must still be some of the pain killers talking, but ..."

Lexa knew she was right. She loved Clarke, but she didn't dare to say it to her yet. Also, there wasn't the right moment.

Clarke's nervousness was cute, but she couldn't see her struggling with these apologies and excuses anymore, so she pressed her lips on Clarke's and kissed her. She knew it was the only way to stop her. 

It caught Clarke by surprise, but after some seconds, Lexa could feel her warm arms around her body, pulling her closer and the kiss getting more intense.

Lexa could feel the hunger and lust rising inside her, and when Clarke put her hand under Lexa's top, the goosebumps spread over her whole skin. 

Clarke ended the kiss but didn't step back and raised an eyebrow. 

"Are you cold?" She asked with so much love and carrying in her voice that let Lexa melt. 

Lexa shook her head and smiled lightly. "I think those are not my body's reaction to the temperature in the room, Clarke."

Clarke rolled her eyes again, but she also smiled before she took Lexa's hand and guided her back to the bed. 

She slipped under the blanket and raised it so that Lexa would follow her. 

But she took her moment and admired the view of Clarke lying in her bad. It was so natural like it always should have been. 

Lexa followed her and made herself comfortable under the blanket, next to Clarke, who watched her questioning. 

"What is wrong?" Lexa asked.

Clarke just shook her head. "Just tell me if I cross any boundaries!"

But she didn't wait for Lexa's response. Instead, she raised Lexa's arm, so she could snuggle against Lexa's side and rest her head between Lexa's neck and collarbone. When she found a comfortable place, she laid Lexa's arm around herself and slipped her arm under Lexa's top, and rest her hand on Lexa's abs.

Lexa laid still during the whole time and watched Clarke; when she seemed to be done, she also spread her second arm around Clarke and set a gentle light kiss on Clarke's forehead. She whispered, "I could get used to this!"

Clarke murmured against her neck, "me, too," and her warm breath tingled Lexa's skin. 

Finally, after so many restless nights, sleep came quickly. After a few moments, holding on to each other, Lexa dripped away, and Clarke did too.

____________________________________________________________________________

Clarke tugged her hands into Lexa's top and held on to her.

_ Rowen was standing above Lexa, who was lying on the ground. Her hands were covered in black blood, and her lip was also injured, and a thin black line was visible on her chin.  _

_ The people around them were just as shocked as Clarke was, but no one tried to help her. Clarke was trying to get to her, but her feet wouldn't move.  _

_ She was screaming and begging Rowen to stop, but he just looked at her with an evil smile, and then he drove the spear right through Lexa's heart.  _

_ Lexa turned her head towards Clarke, who finally managed her feet to get into motion. She ran as fast as she could, through herself next to her, and tried to stop the bleeding.  _

_ 'Stay with me, Lexa. I'll fix you. Just don't close your eyes. Do you hear me!' _

_ But when Lexa opened her mouth to answer, only black blood coming out, and a wet cough escaped Lexa's mouth. The blood was filling her lungs rapidly.  _

_ 'Don't do this to me, Lexa, do you hear me?' _

_ Clarke was panicking because this couldn't be the end, but no one was there when she looked around for help. Only Lexa and her were left, in the middle of the darkness.  _

_ When she looked back at Lexa, her eyes were glassy, and no sign of life was left in them. _

Lexa woke up from the tight feeling around her waist, coming from the fabric that tightened around her body when Clarke hold it that tightly in her hands. 

Lexa knew immediately that something wasn't right. 

Clarke was hot, and her forehead was shining in sweat. 

She stroked over her forehead and shook her lightly.

"Hey Clarke, wake up. It's just a bad dream! "

But when Clarke didn't respond, she shook her a little harder, and suddenly Clarke's eyes opened. 

There were panic and pain in her eyes, and she needed a few moments to recognize her surrounding. 

Lexa gently rubbed Clarke's back and whispered, "you are safe! It was just a bad dream!"

Clarke turned to face Lexa, who she just saw dying seconds before. Tears were running down her cheeks, and she couldn't help herself, then hugging Lexa tightly. 

Lexa hold her tightly to herself; she could feel Clarke's heart raising, but after a while, it slowed down, and she let go of Clarke to look into her eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Clarke exhaled loudly and tried to calm down; she sobbed, "it was awful, Lexa! You and Rowen were fighting because of a stupid fight you had with Nia."

Clarke couldn't remember the details, but they weren't necessary at that moment. 

"At first, you seemed to win, but then you were lying on the ground, and he drove the spear through your heart."

She shook her head, and the tears started to fall down her cheeks again.

"I tried to rescue you, but I couldn't. There was too much blood. It was everywhere!"

Clarke put her hands in front of her face and continued crying. 

Lexa laid her hands on Clarke's arms and started to massage them lightly. 

"Oh, Clarke. I'm right here, and I'm fine. I think your brain tried to mess with you. A memory and maybe a fear of yours were mixed up."

It took Clarke a moment to realize what Lexa just said. "A memory?"

Lexa nodded. 

"Rowen and I fought indeed, but no one of us died. Instead, I killed his mother!"

Clarke thought about her words for a moment and nodded lightly before she laid her forehead against Lexa's. 

"Don't do this to me again; I think I can't handle losing you a second time!"

A small smile appeared on Lexa's lips. 

"I'll try my best. Do you feel better now?"

Clarke nodded again. This was enough for Lexa to lay back into her pillows and drag Clarke with her, who snuggled to her again and hold her tight as if she was afraid she would leave her. 

Lexa held her just as tight as Clarke was, only to comfort her. 

After a while, she could hear Clarke's breath getting slower and more even, she must have fallen asleep again, and Lexa followed her shortly after.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Lexa woke up before the sun rose like she did every morning since she could remember, even though no one expected her today. 

But she felt a lot better, only her face was still hurting a bit, but it was handlable.

Last night, before the girls showed up, she was thinking about some plans for the future, considering the life of all clans and also after Lincoln told her that her people were worried about her well being, she wanted to walk around the town today, to show them, that she's fine again.

Clarke was still sleeping tightly on Lexa's shoulder, and her arm was still over Lexa's stomach. 

There was no chance to leave the bed without waking her, and that was something Lexa didn't want to, considering how badly Clarke had slept the last few days. 

Lexa watched Clarke sleeping for a while and started to caress Clarke's golden hair lightly. 

She couldn't believe how the worm has turned in just a few days. 

A few days ago, she thought she would lose her when she was strong enough again and return to her people.

But now, both of them were inseparable, and Lexa was happy like she wasn't in a long time. 

Suddenly her door opened without a knock or a warning. 

Abby came inside, closing the door behind her, and didn't recognize her daughter lying next to Lexa until she stood nearly in front of them. 

Lexa raised a bit and wanted to wake Clarke. It was inappropriate, and she thought she needed to explain it to Abby, but when Abby took her hand before Lexa wake Clarke up, Lexa looked at her in confusion. 

Abby was smiling lightly and put a finger in front of her lips to signal her to be quiet.

"It's alright," Abby whispered, and she glanced at her daughter for a moment. 

Lexa relaxed a little, but this situation made her still uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, Abby, that isn't appropriate. I know, but..."

She was interrupted by Abby, whose smile was even more comprehensive than before.

"Don't worry about that, Lexa! I'm not blind, and I know that my daughter likes you a lot. And what I saw until now, you seem to share those feelings. So stop being ridiculous. I think it's more inappropriate that I didn't knock. I should do that in the future, but I just came to ask you how you feel and check on your wounds!"

Lexa didn't expect this from Abby, but also she didn't know what she was expecting. She was the commander, and no one gave her ever this parent talk, except Titus, but it was always a completely different direction. 

When Titus was more reproachfully, Abby was more supportive and loving, like she imagined only a mother was.

"I'm better, Abby. The stitches hurt a bit, but I can handle it."

Abby looked at those and put a transparent paste on them that numbed the pain a little. 

"No headache? No blurred vision, or anything else?"

Lexa shook her head. 

Abby nodded and seemed to be relieved. 

"Good, I think you are well enough to leave the bed as soon as you wish and get back to your duties. If you need me, you know where to find me!"

When he stood up and intended to leave, Lexa took her hand, and Abby turned around and faced her questioning.

"Thank you, Abby! For everything."

Abby shook her head. "That is my job as a doctor."

Lexa smiled lightly. "I don't mean that, Abby. No one ever cared for me as you did. No one ever treated me as you did. I want you to know that I appreciate it!"

She needed a few moments, what Lexa meant, but when she remembered their conversation about Lexa's mother when they were returning to Polis, Abby's face and eyes got softer. 

"Lexa, you are essential to Clarke, and whose vital to her is important to me! I admit I wasn't a massive fan of yours before, but you proved to me that I was wrong, and I think your intentions are genuine. So the only right thing to do for me is to welcome you into our family and make you feel loved and cared for by us."

Lexa was thankful that Abby left as fast as she appeared because she wasn't ready to cry in front of her.

Silent tears ran over her cheeks. 

She never experienced the feeling of having a real family or something that cared for her, as Abby did, and she had to admit that it felt good.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Lexa felt a warm and soft hand on her cheek, washing away her tears. 

She was deep in her thoughts; she didn't even notice Clarke waking up. 

"I'm fine. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to wake you up!"

Lexa smiled at Clarke, and she snuggled herself closer to her, but when Clarke's worried look didn't disappear, Lexa shook her head. 

"Your mother was here!"

Clarke seemed to be shocked. 

"Gosh, how embarrassing. Why didn't you wake me up? Did she say something mean to you?"

A small laugh escaped Lexa's mouth that even surprised herself.

"No, she even seemed to be okay with this, I mean us. But she said some nice things, I think I'm just not used to it, and that overwhelmed me somehow."

Clarke raised a brow. 

"Are you sure it was my mom you talked to? Doesn't sound like her!"

Lexa just nodded, and Clarke continued, "well, I should talk to her anyway, about us!"

A cheeky smile appeared on Lexa's face.

"And what are you planning to tell her about us?"

A light red color appeared on Clarke's cheeks before she continued.

"Well, I guess after this morning, she could count one and one together. But I think she could hear it from me, that we are exclusive?"

She looked at Lexa, not sure if that was what Lexa wanted. 

Lexa raised an eyebrow, questioning. 

"Exclusive?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. 

"You know, like together? Bonded? Or whatever you call it here!"

She was nervous, especially getting into detail about such an important topic when she wasn't sure what Lexa's intentions were. Still, when Lexa seemed to be amused by her explanation, Clarke slapped her arm, and Lexa started laughing.

"Clarke, you can just ask me if I want to be your girlfriend! You don't need to make it that complicated."

Lexa's laugh was contagious, and Clarke released a small laugh too.

"Well, do you?"

She was nervous, mostly when Lexa stopped laughing and her face got serious again.

"I want to Clarke. I do, but I think you should be aware of the consequences following our decision!"

Clarke smiled lightly, and she didn't care so much about the consequences. She was happy but still curious about what effects she meant. 

"Consequences?"

Lexa nodded, still too severe. 

"First of all, your position here in Polis. You are the ambassador of Skaikru; as soon as we go public, you can't stay in this position. The others will doubt my decision, and I don't want them to think that I will favor your bidings. So we need to find someone to replace you, and it must be someone that intentions are as genuine as yours!

And secondly, you'll be followed by guards, just like me. You will live in constant danger. You'll be one of the first targets for my enemies. They will know that by hurting you, they will hurt me. And I want you to be safe. That means you will lose a considerable part of your freedom!"

Clarke listened carefully, and it was more than she had expected. However, it meant sense to hear, and she nodded after a few moments. 

"That's a lot, Lexa, but I will be willing to do that."

Lexa searched Clarke's face for any doubts, but she couldn't find any. 

"You are willing to lose all of that just to be with me?"

She couldn't believe how someone would choose her instead of their freedom. No one ever did that before. But she never met someone like Clarke. 

"Yes, I do. After the last few days, I think that this between us is more important than anything else!"

Lexa smiled lightly and quoted Clarke, "Life should be more than surviving?"

Clarke shared her smile and nodded. "You finally understood it!"

She closed the distance to Lexa again and placed a soft kiss onto her cheek. 

"Lexa? Do you think there will be any other position for me that won't make the other question you? I want to make myself useful."

"I think there will be. I was thinking about something in the last days, and it will change a lot, and I think I want you to be one of the prominent supporters for this project. But I guess we should get ready!

I want to meet the ambassadors and tell them about this too. 

And as soon as you find a replacement for your position, we will tell them about us! How does it sound to you, girlfriend?"

Clarke's smile got even more expansive, and she leaned forward and placed another gentle kiss on Lexa's lips.

"I like that, girlfriend!"

_____________________________________________________________________________

Lexa was standing on the meeting room's balcony with Octavia while waiting for all the ambassadors to arrive.

"Are you sure? You don't need to be here. I'm sure Indra can handle it herself, and we talk later about it."

Lexa was trying to make sure that Octavia was ready for what would be waiting for her.

"I already told you, I can handle it. No matter what they say!"

Octavia was nervous, there was no doubt about it, but she was trying to hide it as well as possible, and Lexa appreciated her strength and will. 

Lexa just nodded and made her way back inside.

The ambassadors finally arrived and told her that they are happy that she seems to be okay again. 

Her eyes wandered through the room, and her eyes stopped a little bit longer on Clarke before she continued.

"Thank you for your concern, ambassadors. It took me a few days to get back, but now I'm ready and the given time let me think about some ideas I had for a long time. This attack showed me, once again, what the idea of this coalition was and that we are still far away from the ideal I accepted it to become. So I decided it would be a good opportunity to start with the change!"

She stepped forward and looked every ambassador into the eyes to see their reaction. 

"Right now, we are just a coalition, but still separated in different clans, who hate each other in some way. I want this to chance. I know it won't happen today or tomorrow, but I hope that maybe the next generations will see us as one colossal clan—a clan who has the same respect for everyone."

Some ambassadors started whispering.

"Don't get me, wrong ambassadors. I don't want anyone to forget about the clans, it is a huge part of our history, and I want it to be remembered, but I want it to be the past and not the future. As long as we don't see each other as the same, those accidents will happen!"

"Pardon me, Heda," one of the ambassadors to her left raised. 

"I know we talked about this many times before, and we all see the necessity of this idea, but we never archived this. It never worked out. So why should it work out now?"

A small smiled appeared on Lexa's lips, and Clarke couldn't stop starring at her girlfriend. She admired her so much, and with this cheeky smile, she looked so beautiful. 

"Thank you, ambassador, I know we always struggled with the implementation, but Abby kom Skaikru have me this idea. I'm not sure if you were informed about the hospital she was building with our healers? She teaches them the Skaikru way of healing and treating injured people; contrary, they show her the herbs we are using for medication. They don't care about their clans; they have one goal, to help people. And this made me think, to copy that on other parts of our lives."

The ambassadors were silent and waited for Lexa to continue. She never saw them like that before. There was always at least one who tried to interrupt her because he wasn't on her side, but now it seemed they liked this idea. 

"The next step would be to publish new institutions for all clans to connect. One of the most important ones, in my opinion, would be those that would include the next generations, the children, to teach them from the youngest that they are all the same. And the best way to do this would be to build schools. Schools where those children will meet others and learn different things, like reading and writing Trigedaslang and English, essential Mathematics, history, fighting, mostly for protection and maybe hunting. All the things that are necessary for being a part of this society and surviving. And I want the teachers to be people from all clans. Every clan is specialized in different things, and I like the best to teach them. With 16 years, they should finish school, and their teachers should recommend a path for them, and considering this recommendation, they will be offered a place to work. Of course, they are also allowed to work for their families if they wish to. 

But I want everyone to have the best chance to become the best version of themselves, which will help them. 

Then I want some warrior school. We won't have any armies of each clan; I want one army. Who will be trained together, side by side with warriors from all clans. And those warriors will be sent out to the different clans to protect them. 

Those are just a few ideas. I know it's a lot, and it'll be a long way, but I want to go this path with your help. So for this, I ask you to take one weak. Visit your clans. Talk to the people there, ask what they desire, and what they need the most, what it will take to get their support. And find me some truthful persons who will help me set this up. Besides, I welcome any ideas for other institutions that will archive this goal!"

There was still silence in the room. No one knew what to say, but the Trikru ambassador stood up, nodded lightly, and left the room. 

The others followed him one by one until there was only Clarke, Octavia and Lexa left in the room. 

Lexa didn't expect the ambassador to be as supportive as they were, and she finally allowed herself to sit down on her throne and relax. 

Clarke observed her before she also stood up and made her way up to them. 

"You were amazing!"

Octavia sat on the steps in front of the throne and agreed with Clarke. 

"I accepted them to argue with you, but they seemed to be as impressed as I was. It will be huge."

Lexa smiled down at her friend. 

"You need to learn how to pursue them. They all want what is best for their clan. And by this, all clans will profit. But it will be a long rocky way."

"But you made the first step, Lexa, and you are not alone. We will help you."

Clarke laid her hand on Lexa's to show her her support.

Lexa looked at Clarke. 

"I hoped you to say that. With you giving up the ambassador position, I thought about you as the head of this project. We will need someone who will be in charge of everything and coordinate it. I will help you, but it's nearly impossible for me to be part of everything and to be the Heda at the same time."

Clarke didn't answer immediately, but thankfully Octiava interrupted them anyway.

"About the ambassador position, Lincoln talked to Kane, and he will be more than glad to take this position, considering Abby will stay here too, he is happy to stay too and make himself useful."

Lexa was still watching Clarke; she was asking a lot from her, but Lexa trusted Clarke with her life, and there would be no other one she would like to have in this position. She squeezed Clarke's hand slightly and turned her head back to Octavia.

"Kane is a worthy replacement for Clarke. If the Skaikru is okay with that, I will be happy to announce the replacement. But first, talk with them and make sure that they accept him as your ambassador, and after that, I want to talk with Kane."

Octavia just nodded and left. 

There were just Clarke and Lexa left, and Clarke still didn't answer her. 

"Clarke, I know it's a lot I ask of you, but believe me, I would never ask you if I thought you were not good enough for this. I think you would be best for this, and I trust you."

Clarke shook her head before answering. 

"Lex, it's not that. I'm afraid they won't accept me. You know how they are towards me!"

Lexa rolled her eyes.

"You are not serious right now, are you? The goal is to be equal. To accept everyone no matter from which clan, and you are afraid they won't accept you? Of course, it will be tough. First, you will need to prove yourself to them. But once they see you as I do, they will respect and accept you. Besides, I will be on your side. Not the whole time, of course, but especially at the beginning, and when I think you are ready to handle them on your own, I will give you the full power."

A small cheeky smile appeared on Clarke's lips, and she whispered. 

"You think highly of your girlfriend, don't you."

Lexa shared this smile and stood up from her throne. 

"Of course, otherwise she wouldn't be my girlfriend."

After checking they were alone in the room, Lexa gave Clarke a quick soft kiss on her lips. 

When their lips parted again, Clarke's eyes were still closed, and she nodded.

"Okay, you persuaded me. I'll be happy to do it."

When Clarke finally opened her eyes, she saw the happy smile on her girlfriend's lips. 

"We will announce this in a week when they return; until then, I will have enough time to thank you. But first, I want to introduce you to someone. I think it's long due."

And with that, Lexa made her way out of the tower, with Clarke following her with an irritating look on her face.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Lexa and Clarke were walking for over an hour through the city. 

Everywhere Lexa was greeted by her people, Clarke realized how loved she was by her people.

Clarke whispered, "they love you."

Lexa's smile got even more comprehensive, and she looked to Clarke for a moment. 

"I think they are just glad that I'm alive; there were worse commanders before me, and before my time, they lived in constant wars. I think they love the peace they have now."

Clarke rolled her eyes. 

"Just take the damn compliment, Lex."

Lexa looked at her once again, but before she could answer, she was hugged by a little girl, who was holding on to her.

Lexa kneeled and hugged the little girl back. 

"Heda, Heda. I'm so glad that you are okay again. I was so worried."

Lexa chuckled.

"Hey, I already told you. We are fighters, little one, and it takes more to take me down."

Lexa stood up again but lifted the little girl too and held her in her arms. 

The little girl held on to Lexa's neck and didn't let go.

When she saw Clarke, her eyes opened even more comprehensively, and she whispered something into Lexa's ear.

Clarke watched Lexa with the little girl.

She didn't know that little one, but she seemed to be necessary to Lexa.

Clarke never expected Lexa to be that good with children, but seeing her now, it seemed to be the most natural thing she ever did. 

Lexa drew Clarke's attention back to herself when she started talking again.

"Clarke, may I introduce you to my dear little friend."

Lexa smiled just as happily as the little girl. 

"Do you remember the beautiful flower bracelets I brought you? The ones you adored so much? They were made by this little one her."

The little girl seemed so proud of herself that her smile was contagious, and Clarke smiled too. 

"Oh, they were yours? They were so beautiful; you need to show me how you made them!"

The little girl laughed.

"Yep," she popped the p with so much self-confidence that it even impressed Lexa. 

"I can show you, but we need to collect some flowers first."

Lexa let her back on the ground. 

"It's your lucky day. I need to take care of some boring Heda stuff, but Clarke is free until tonight."

Clarke raised a brow. "Am I?"

Lexa laughed. 

"Yes, you are, but I except a nice flower bracelet by you two."

"We will make you the prettiest you have ever seen!"

And with that, the little girl took Clarke's hand and dragged her to the woods. 

Lexa watched them disappear in the crowd, and Lexa went inside the building to talk to the little girl's mother. 

She wanted her to know that her daughter was safe and that some guards would watch Wanheda and her daughter. 

She lost track of time until some guards appeared in the small house and told her that the guards at the cells were waiting for her. 

She said goodbye to the little girl's mother and made her way to the cells.

It was time for her to face him. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

There he was. 

Pale and pretty severely bruised, sitting on the ground, at the back of his cell. 

He was starring at the ground in front of him and mumbling something to himself. 

Lexa nodded towards the guards and opened the door to his cell for her. 

When she entered, he finally raised his head and watched her make her way into the room. 

His eyes were filled with anger and disgust. 

A cold shiver ran down Lexa's spine, but she tried to hide it behind her stern commander's facade. 

Bellamy was chained to the wall behind him, so he wouldn't be able to attack anyone or even hurt himself. 

A chair was carried inside, and Lexa sat down in front of him. 

When they were finally left alone, Bellamy finally started talking. 

"Hm, I left only these two scars? How disappointing!"

Lexa shook her head. 

"You failed severely, that's true. But to be fair, your plan was doomed to fail anyway. I think you didn't think that through. Did you?"

Bellamy watched her for a moment and shrugged his shoulders.

"One right hit, and I would have succeeded."

"Sadly, you were too weak to archive that."

Bellamy rolled his eyes, and he seemed to be annoyed by her.

"What do you want from me? Tell me when you will kill me? Just well-meant advice, make it as soon as possible and don't give them even more time!"

Lexa was confused.

"Them? What do you mean?"

Bellamy laughed.

His laugh was so cold and evil. Lexa never experienced someone like him before. 

He wasn't like the man he accepted him to be. 

Clarke and Octavia's stories about him let her picture a completely different man. But not the one in front of her right now. 

"You are the commander, the most clever and respected person her, and still you are that clueless, I would even call you dumb!"

Lexa wanted to hit him, let him suffer for his loose tongue, but he continued immediately. 

"Do you think that my family and friends would allow you to kill me?"

"They have no other choice. Besides, they accepted the killing order already."

He laughed again. 

"You are easy to fool, aren't you?"

Lexa felt the anger rise inside her; it took a lot to remain calm. 

"I talked to Clarke and your sister about it already. They are on my side!"

"Of course they are. But think about it for a minute. Wasn't it too easy? All of it?"

Lexa stared at him. He was trying to trick her. She knew exactly what he was planning to do. 

"They are my family. Of course, Octavia admires you. But in the end, she knows that family always comes first. I'm her brother—the one who protected and cared for her all her life. In the end, blood is thicker than water. 

And then there is Clarke."

He smiled a creepy smile, but his eyes stared into the distance, and his mind wandered off for a moment. 

"Poor, innocent Clarke. She is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. When we came done her, is was there for her, no matter what. When you abandoned her back at Mount Weather, I was there to help her through. I helped her pull the trigger. We did it together. Not you! It was always me. I'm her best friend, and she cares deeply about me!"

Lexa bit on her inside of her cheek. He was right, she knew it, but they were also her friends. They cared about her. Why would they plot her? 

"That might be true, but you failed them way too many times. You hurt both of them! Why should they help you? And why would they put that much afford in coming close to me, instead of attacking us to free you?"

Bellamy shook his head.

"As I said, you are dumb, or maybe blind! Or perhaps you just so desperate to finally have a friend and a lover. I'm not sure yet.

Where I'm from, we have a saying, " _ keep your friends close but your enemies even closer. _ " So befriending you or even share the bed with you, is there any other way to be closer to you than that?"

Lexa knew he was fooling with her. He wanted to confuse her. And as much as she tried, he was succeeding. But there was no way she would show it to him.

"Hm, your thoughts sound clever to me, but tell me, why should they do it? What would be their ultimate goal?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Easy. Kill you, let it look an accident. By that day, they would be a massive part of society. They would be accepted, and no one would question them. In the end, they would try to control your people and lead them. We spent years away from the earth, and we returned to take back what was meant to be our home!"

Lexa stood up. 

"You lost your mind. I think the cell lets you turn insane by now."

He laughed again.

"Do you think so? I believe the truth hurts, doesn't it? Realizing that your lover and best friend were only fooling you? Clarke doesn't love you; she never did. She always did what was best for her people for us. And Octavia? She wanted to protect us, and learning from the best here in Polis, would help her archive that. They never cared about you. Not the slightest. You are just a way to archive what they desire the most."

She felt the sadness rise in her. None of what he said was true. She knew it. But he was getting to her, and he was triggering her doubts. 

"You will die, Bellamy Blake. But I think you didn't turn crazy yet. I think I will give you some more time. Maybe we will kill you in a few hours, days, weeks, or maybe a year. I won't give you the pleasure to know when your life will end. That will be my last power over you!"

With that, she turned around and left his cell. He was shouting something at her, but her head was filled with thoughts and his words, she couldn't think anymore. 

She needed air. Her lungs seemed not to get enough air. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Lexa walked for over an hour through the small streets around the tower.

She knew that she needed to visit him, to get to know his intentions, but she never accepted him to get into her mind, like he just did.

He only tried to confuse her; he managed to trigger some doubts inside her that took her off the rails. 

Finally, she found herself back in the tower, in front of her room. 

On her way up to her room, she sent some guards to go and find Gaia. It was time she would be finally introduced to each other, and after talking to Bellamy, she needed a Flamekeeper. Just in case. 

When she entered her room, she saw Octavia and Clarke sitting on her sofa and talking intensely with each other, but when they saw her, they stopped immediately, like if they were trying to keep something from her.

Gosh, she needed to get the conversation out of her head. It was toxic. 

"What are you two doing here?"

Lexa went to the small table next to her bed and put her small weapons she always carried outside on it. 

"We were waiting for you!"

Clarke said with some concern in her voice.

"The guards told us where you have been, and we thought you would like to talk to us about it!"

Lexa turned to them and made a few steps towards them. 

"What made you think I would want to talk about it? I think it's none of your concern!"

It came out colder than Lexa expected it to sound, but her thoughts were still circled Bellamy's words. 

_ You are just a way to archive what they desire the most. _

Clarke stood up and took some steps towards Lexa.

Her voice was calm but concerned. 

"Hey, Lex. We are here for you. We are your friends and want to help you! You can talk about everything with us!"

_ They never cared about you. _

Bellamy's words were still echoing inside her head. 

"Clarke, it's nothing, but only because you consider yourselves as my friends don't mean you need to know everything. You should never forget I'm the commander, not you!"

The shook in Clarke's face appeared, like if she had hit her. 

Lexa didn't even notice Octavia stood up and left the room. 

"Lexa? What did the hell happen? What did he do to you?"

Clarke walked towards her and took Lexa's hand. 

Her hand was trembling, and Clarke's eyes turned watery. 

Lexa hated herself for hurting Clarke like that.

She whispered, "what were you two talking about when I entered the room?"

Clarke was confused about Lexa changing the topic.

"Ehm, nothing particular."

She was hiding something from her; Lexa could feel it. 

"Clarke, what were you talking about!"

Clarke got uncomfortable and took a step back, letting go of Lexa's hand. 

"As I told you before, it was nothing you need to worry about!"

Maybe Bellamy was right; they started to have secrets. They were plotting against her. Did they do it before? Was she that blind?

"Lexa, please tell me what is wrong? What did he say to you?"

"You only care about him, don't you? He will die, no matter what you say or do! But if you are so concerned about his well being, go and visit him. I think he will be thrilled to see you!"

The cold in Lexa's voice hit Clarke like another slap. 

"Of course, I do worry about him. He is important to me. But we talked about it already, and I'm with you. He deserves this, no matter how much it hurts me!"

A single tear escaped Clarke's eye, and Lexa felt even more awful than before. 

Lexa whispered. 

"Why can't you just tell me what you talked with Octavia about?"

Clarke rolled her eyes in annoyance. 

"Gosh, Lexa, you don't need to know anything, just trust me that it's nothing bad. Believe me!"

Lexa shook her head. 

"Trust you? Your actions don't speak for you at the moment. Besides, trusting your people didn't work so well me in the past."

Clarke walked past her towards the door, and Lexa knew she went too far.

"Clarke, wait!"

Clarke hesitated but stopped. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just stressed. Please let us talk later, alright?"

Clarke looked back at Lexa, she was crying, but she nodded and left after a few moments.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Lexa was sitting on her sofa, at the same spot she found Octavia and Clarke just minutes before. 

How had a day that started that good turned in such a mass?

A loud knock on her door put her back to reality. 

"Come in!"

A dark-skinned girl with beautiful brown and blond braided hair entered the room. 

The parallels with Indra were visible. Also, she looked different at the same time. 

Indra's daughter tilted her head in respect. 

"Thank you, Heda, for your invitation!"

"Thank you for coming here; please sit down!"

Lexa offered her the seat next to her and watched her sit down next to her, keeping the right distance and being respectful with every move. 

This girl was different than Titus, and for the first time, Lexa thought that they finally found someone that would help her archive a better future for the following nightbleeders.

"So I think your mother already explained to you what happened to Titus?"

The girl nodded, and Lexa continued.

"So you are also aware of the need for a new Flamekeeper?"

She nodded again.

"Titus never taught someone to become his replacement, but your reputation precedes you. So I was eager to get to know you, and if you are willing to, I will like to offer you this position!"

Indra's daughter looked at Lexa for a moment. She wasn't frightened, for that Indra taught her well, she seemed to be more concerned. 

"Heda, I'm flattered. But I need to be honest with you; I don't know what I would need to do as a Flamekeeper."

Lexa smiled lightly.

"Me either, and because Titus didn't care about his replacement, there will be no one who knows what to do, but I think we could take this path together. He has books at his place, those are filled with information considering the duties of a Flamekeeper, and I can show you how to handle the nightbleeders, and from that, we take it to step by step."

"It's a huge honor, Heda; I hope you don't misinterpret my concern."

Lexa took the girl's hand into hers. 

"No, I understand your struggle. I don't' accept an answer now. Take your time; the ambassadors are away for a week, so we will have about 6 to 7 days to think about it. I will allow you access to Titus things, and you are offered a room in this tower if you like. And you are allowed to come to me anytime you need to. I know I ask for a lot; being the Flamekeeper isn't an easy job, but being the Heda isn't either."

A small smile appeared on Indra's daughter's face. 

"Well, I think a week will be enough to decide for me what to do. Thank you, Heda. And by the way, call me Gaia!"

She took her hand from Lexa to hold it towards her. Lexa her hand and shook it. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Lexa talked for Gaia for a while before sending her guards with Gaia to show her Titus place. 

She stood on the floor in front of her door and watched them leaving; when she was left alone, she walked in the opposite direction and knocked lightly, nearly shyly, at Clarke's door. 

"Yes!"

Lexa was relieved that Clarke was there. She opened the door and walked into the room. The door closed behind her, and she saw Clarke lying on her bed. 

She snuggled herself into some pillows, and it seemed she kept crying for a while after she had left Lexa.

Lexa had blamed her already a lot after their fight, but seeing Clarke like that, and knowing she and her dumb doubts were the reason for her crying, made her even angrier.

Both girls were watching the other in silence. None of them knew what to say. But Lexa knew there was only one right thing to do, to make that right again. 

She walked directly towards Clarke, sat down next to her, and hugged her as tightly as possible. 

Clarke hesitated for a moment but couldn't hold back anymore. She hugged Lexa just as tightly, buried her face into Lexa's neck, and let the tears fall. 

Lexa didn't know for how long they were lying like that, but she was angry with herself. Clarke's reaction and emotions were so real; there was no chance she would fake any of it. Bellamy was wrong. He was trying to put them against each other, and he nearly succeeded. 

When Clarke's sobs ended, Lexa finally took the courage and whispered into Clarke's ear. 

"I'm sorry, my love, I didn't mean to hurt you!"

Lexa thought Clarke had fallen asleep because she didn't answer for a long time, but then she moved to face Lexa. They were so close, Lexa couldn't think straight. 

Clarke's eyes were even bluer than usual from crying, and her face was red, but still, she was so beautiful to Lexa.

Lexa let go of Clarke's arm, put her hand softly on Clarke's cheek, and wiped away her tears. 

Clarke watched her for a moment and then starred right into her eyes. Her voice was raspy from all the crying. 

"Just tell me why? What have I done that you treated me that badly?"

Lexa shook her head. 

"You didn't do anything; it was just me. Bellamy told me some things that got into my head and messed with my thoughts. My brain couldn't process everything like it should have to, but now I realized it was dumb."

"I knew it. After his failure, he is still trying to destroy everything. What did he say to you?"

Lexa was a bit irritated that Clarke's anger was more at Bellamy than herself, even tho she was the one hurting her. 

"It's unimportant, Clarke. He was wrong, and I know that."

Clarke couldn't believe her ears. 

"God dammit, Lexa."

She freed herself from the hug and stood up to get their distance. 

"Not talking brought us here in the first place, and you still think it's best to keep it to yourself?"

Lexa exhaled loudly. She seemed to do everything wrong in the last few hours.

"Clarke, please come back. If you are so eager to know what he told me, I will tell you about it!"

Lexa knew she needed to tell her about it, also if it wasn't a good idea. 

She hated herself for those thoughts, but her doubts didn't let go of them. If Bellamy's accusations were true, Clarke would know that Lexa knows and would try to prove them wrong, just to keep her cover. 

But maybe they weren't real, and telling them Clarke would save them from even more hurt and fighting. 

Clarke sat back on the bed, but keeping her physical distance from Lexa, and it hurt her, but she understood her reaction. 

Lexa told her everything that Bellamy told her. She didn't spear her any details. And thankfully, Clarke just listened and didn't interrupt her. 

When she finished, they sat for a long time in silence, just looking the other into the eyes. 

When Clarke finally broke the silence, Lexa didn't know how much time had passed, but it got dark outside by now.

"I don't think it's an excuse for what you did; also, I understand your reaction! But tell me, what do you want me to say now? Is there even something right to say right now?"

Lexa shook her head.

"I don't know. Just tell me he is wrong. He was just trying to mass with me. And proof it to me!"

Clarke moved closer to Lexa and taking her hands into her own. 

"He is wrong! And I don't only talk for myself, but also Octavia. By the way, you should tell her that, too. Your reaction hurt her too. Maybe not as much as me, but she is confused."

Clarke raised their hands and placed a soft kiss on Lexa's knuckles. 

"I don't remember everything yet, but there is something I felt the whole time, and I think I never forget it. It even got more vital in the last few days. And I will tell it to you now, and it's not because of your doubts, which hurt me, by, the way, but I think you need to know that!"

Clarke let go of Lexa's hand and cupped her face with her hands. 

"Lexa, I think I have fallen in love with you! And if you need to hear that every day, or if you need proof of my love, I will try to prove it every single day to you until you believe me."

Clarke didn't wait for Lexa to say anything. Instead, she closed the distance between them both and kissed her. At first, the kiss was gentle and shy, but when Lexa put her arms around Clarke's waist, it got more eager and passionate. 

After a while, Lexa stopped the kiss and drove back to catch some breath. She was breathing heavily, and her eyes darkened. 

"You're convincing, love!"

Clarke laughed and tackled Lexa lightly into the mattress. 

Lexa was glad to hear her laughing again; she placed a few gentle kisses on Clarke's cheek. 

"And you are exhaustible. I feel like I didn't sleep for days. I can't even keep my eyes open."

Lexa took the blanket and tugged Clarke in before she snuggled against Clarke's shoulder. They weren't fine yet, but they made the first step in the right direction. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

The next morning Lexa was wakened up by the first sun lights.

The last few days were exhausting, and with no real duties at the moment, she slept longer than usual. 

She turned around and expected to feel Clarke's warm body next to her, but the bed was empty and already cold. 

Lexa looked around but couldn't find her. Instead, there was a note on her pillow.

_ Lexa,  _

_ I'm sorry I had to leave you alone this morning. I needed to get something done, but I hope to make it up to you later.  _

_ Besides, you looked so peaceful in your sleep; I didn't dare to wake you.  _

_ I love you! _

_ xxx _

_ C _

_ PS Lincoln wants to show you something. He'll wait for you! _

Lexa smiled while reading the note but kept wondering what Clarke needed to do. 

After she got ready after a while, she made her way to Lincoln and Octavia's place. 

Maybe she would have an opportunity to talk to Octavia first. 

Clarke was right; she wasn't fair to her as well, so she needs an explanation, just like Clarke did. 

But Lincoln was already waiting in front of the house for her.

"Hey Lincoln, is Octavia home? I would like to talk to her first."

He shook his head.

"Ehm, no Heda. She needed to get something done and left early!"

Lincoln was hiding something from her, but she didn't want to argue.

"It seems to be a thing lately."

Lexa said with a bitter tone in her voice, but Lincoln smiled lightly.

"Stop worrying that much, Heda, believe me if I tell you that you will like this!"

She raised a brow, questioning, but didn't ask. Instead, she followed him. 

He was making his way to the forest, and when he didn't stop and entered the forest, Lexa got suspicious. 

"Lincoln, where are we going?"

Lincoln didn't stop.

"I need to show you something. You need to see this. Just trust me!"

They kept walking for nearly an hour and got even deeper into the forest. 

Lexa knew the forest well, but she had no time to spend much time here anymore, especially not that deep inside. 

Nature was nearly untouched; there were no walked out paths, and they struggled to get further. 

"Is this necessary, Lincoln? Can't you just tell me what you want me to see, and we can return."

But when there was no answer, she looked up, but Lincoln was nowhere to be seen.

"Lincoln?"

Suddenly, someone covered Lexa's eyes from behind and held her hands tightly so that she couldn't fight the person holding her captive. 

"What the hell, let me go!"

The person didn't care and just pushed Lexa forward. 

Lexa was fighting but had no chance. The person was more substantial than her. She was worried about Lincoln. What did this person to him?

She promised herself that she would kill him or her with her own hands if this person hurt him. 

Suddenly she was pushed slightly forward, and the hands covering her eyes and holding her hands were gone. Lexa turned around, but the person was gone. 

"I swear to you if I find you, you will pay for this!"

Lexa held her small knife in her hand and searched the area behind her for the person. 

Suddenly there was a sound behind her. She turned around, but nothing could have prepared her for what she saw in front of her. 

Lexa let go of the knife and gasped.

"What is this!"


End file.
